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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this conversation shouldn't have happened infront of DS ?

255 replies

FujimotosElixir · 17/04/2015 17:59

Unfortunately i was late picking up ds today, quite late my bus was very late and not the kind of distance I could just sod it and walk. i rang the school in panic knowing i.was already late apologising and would get there asap. When i arrived the head teacher was understandably annoyed but said , where have you been , why are you late? ...i had explained this to the AD , and then went onto say this really was too late and it wasnt a bit late and usually they would ring Ss (!? first offence id rang?) and dont let it happen again , ds was really fed up. generally being quite provocative and rude, my issue isnt the conversation itself more the fact it happened in front of DS? im raging so unprofessional, the reason was out of my control although I understand her annoyance. i apologised several times.i wouldn't have minded a.discreet word or 'we'll speak on monday' but i did ring and it wasn't really my fault. AIBU to be annoyed the conversation was so inappropriately done in front of ds?

OP posts:
Justusemyname · 17/04/2015 18:21

She thought she was ten minutes late. She was actually 35 minutes late.

pudding25 · 17/04/2015 18:23

Oh this is ridiculous! I am a primary teacher. It's the first time you have done it and you rang, albeit a bit late. In our school, we would have been a bit irritable at not being able to leave, but totally have understood that it was a one off incident. A different matter if it was a regular occurance.

MeggyMooAndTinkerToo · 17/04/2015 18:24

Meggy "I completely refuse to wait with children whose parents are late. " You'd leave a child alone in an empty school playground?

It's not my issue (nor in my remit to mind children) if parents can't make it to school on time to collect their children. I'm certainly not going to be treated as childcare if they're late. School staff have lives and children to collect but unfortunately some parents forget this. I have been asked numerous times to wait with children but now refuse after repeat offenders kicked the arse out of it.

I never once said I'd leave a child in a playground. Any uncollected children are taken to the school office at our school. I really feel sorry for the office staff when they're supposed to finish at 3.30 but are often late in leaving due to parents lateness. The HT was well within her rights to state the collection policy to the OP.

Original poster
FujimotosElixir · 17/04/2015 18:24

i disagree Ss is for children who are abandoned ,i was on my way, because they don't have enough to do? i stated clearly in my op the way in which it was done is the unprofessional part , i noticed said AD was covering in the office too i wonder if she passed it on.

OP posts:
RitaOrange · 17/04/2015 18:24

Im confused Confused
How late were you ?
Your OP reads that you called when you were 35 minutes late ( and you thought only 10 minutes) so when you arrived how late were you ???
I think quite frankly that you cannot claim the moral high ground when you were really late picking up your DC.

SingingHinnies · 17/04/2015 18:24

That's awful, i have only ever been late for one of mine once, the dog got out and i couldn't just leave without finding it. I rang the school who said oh no don't worry look for the dog. I got there and was very apologetic but they were fine. To threaten you with SS is absolutely ridiculous and OTT for one incident, the child was not abandoned. I would be having words with someone higher up.

Stopandlook · 17/04/2015 18:25

Sorry but YABU

It is actually outrageous you expected school to look after your child for over half an hour. Poor, poor child. Agree you need the phone number of a parent if things are so tight for you. You cannot just abandon your child.

DoJo · 17/04/2015 18:25

Which bit of it bothered you particularly to be having in front of your son? The bit where she asked why you were late? Presumably you would have explained that to him anyway? The bit where she explained what their policy is for parents who are late collecting? I don't see why that would be a problem - it would have been happening to him shortly by the sounds of things, so nothing really to protect him from on that score. Personally, if we expect children to be held accountable for behaviour which impacts on others, I suspect it probably does them good to know that adults are held to the same standards.

Stopandlook · 17/04/2015 18:26

And you did abandon them. Just because there was someone to pick up the pieces doesn't mean you didn't.

WorraLiberty · 17/04/2015 18:28

I think by informing you they would normally ring SS (and remember they didn't), they're simply telling you the school staff also have enough to do, without babysitting at the end of the working day.

You weren't threatened with SS, as someone else suggested upthread.

I doubt they would call them without phoning your emergency contacts first anyway.

Marmaladedandelions · 17/04/2015 18:28

She didn't abandon him! For heavens sakes!

Original poster
FujimotosElixir · 17/04/2015 18:30

dont be ridiculous stopandlook i rang ? i was on the vus not in the pub. i ended up being 35 mins late when i finally got there due to the bus beung very late,

OP posts:
Hillingdon · 17/04/2015 18:31

DM was a school teacher for 40 years. This tardiness is not new - the same old offenders would rock up late. And then you would have the ocassional one like the OP. Imagine all of this together and you have various kids whose parents have turned up late. All with escuses as to why it wasnt their fault.

Mum said the worst offenders were those that were SAHM's.

RitaOrange · 17/04/2015 18:32

Tbh if I was 35 minutes late I would just apologise profusely not be "raging" about how the HT spoke to me.

WorraLiberty · 17/04/2015 18:32

Ok so you were 35 minutes late

You apolgised

They looked after your fed up DS during that time

The HT was also fed up and told you the school policy in front of your child

I genuinely can't see a problem.

00100001 · 17/04/2015 18:34

worra you said "But you could still have made a quick phone call even with a fussing baby, to apologise and warn in advance that you were going to be late."

Sorry, I read that as you missed the bit where she rang the school :)

Hillingdon · 17/04/2015 18:34

The bus being very late has what to do with a teacher having to stay behind with your child and perhaps missing her own childcare pick up time??

Perhaps you need to think about learning to drive.

Fairenuff · 17/04/2015 18:34

ds was really fed up. generally being quite provocative and rude

To the HT?

Stopandlook · 17/04/2015 18:35

I'm not being ridiculous, you are but then why did you post?

Ok, aw don't worry hun, your child knew you'd be there eventually, poor you why should you be in charge of your child when a teacher can wait around until you toddle up.

I have sweated and stressed to be back in work for my children. There has to be a plan B and school is not it.

00100001 · 17/04/2015 18:36

caravanista Your responsibility is to get an early enough bus to ensure you're not late. So, I guess form this that you've neverbeen late to anything in your whole life??

life happens and sometimes you're late Confused

Stopandlook · 17/04/2015 18:36

Back in time from work I mean Blush

WorraLiberty · 17/04/2015 18:36

I couldn't work out if the HT was being provocative and rude, of if it was the DS?

MeggyMooAndTinkerToo · 17/04/2015 18:37

The bus being very late has what to do with a teacher having to stay behind with your child and perhaps missing her own childcare pick up time??

Didn't you know school staff have no home lives/children to collect Wink

Hissy · 17/04/2015 18:39

Op, get a friend to be your back up? I've called other parents before, as they've called me, to stand with DS until I get there

insanityscatching · 17/04/2015 18:39

Is there an after school club? On one occasion when the roads were gridlocked due to the motorway closing I phoned school, explained the situation and asked them if they would put dd in after school club until I got to school. They were happy to do this and I suspect, judging by the numbers in ASC, that I wasn't the only one that day.