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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this conversation shouldn't have happened infront of DS ?

255 replies

FujimotosElixir · 17/04/2015 17:59

Unfortunately i was late picking up ds today, quite late my bus was very late and not the kind of distance I could just sod it and walk. i rang the school in panic knowing i.was already late apologising and would get there asap. When i arrived the head teacher was understandably annoyed but said , where have you been , why are you late? ...i had explained this to the AD , and then went onto say this really was too late and it wasnt a bit late and usually they would ring Ss (!? first offence id rang?) and dont let it happen again , ds was really fed up. generally being quite provocative and rude, my issue isnt the conversation itself more the fact it happened in front of DS? im raging so unprofessional, the reason was out of my control although I understand her annoyance. i apologised several times.i wouldn't have minded a.discreet word or 'we'll speak on monday' but i did ring and it wasn't really my fault. AIBU to be annoyed the conversation was so inappropriately done in front of ds?

OP posts:

Floggingmolly · 17/04/2015 20:22

Op, you haven't explained how you "thought you were only 10 minutes late" when in fact you were 35 minutes? You actually hadn't a clue what time it was??

vindscreenviper · 17/04/2015 20:22

Professional people are not entitled, however pissed off they feel, however reasonably, to tell off an adult in front of their child.
Does explaining a policy and making a person aware of the inconvenience they have caused automatically become a 'telling off' if it's a professional talking?

Yarp · 17/04/2015 20:25

vind

Because I am trusting what the OP said about the way the HT approached it.

You could tell me the OP overreacted and them we'd have reached an impasse....

ClumsyNinja · 17/04/2015 20:27

What a lot of pointless hand wringing from the majority of posters.
You can make endless plans but no-one can control everything in life.
Shit happens.

Learn to drive. So when the car breaks down, will you suggest the OP grows wings and learns to fly? FFS.

The HT was ludicrous having a go at you when you'd already rung ahead. From what you've said, this was a one-off.

Honestly OP, I really wouldn't let it get to you.

Gruntbaby · 17/04/2015 20:30

You've got to have a back up plan. I have a number of mothers I can call and ask for a favour if the trains fail (and I would do the same for them). I usually allow plenty of time but sometimes a late scheduled meeting means that if my train is delayed by more than 30 mins I won't get there on time. The teacher knows which children tend to go home with which friends and all you need is a text to show.

camsie · 17/04/2015 20:30

YABU. The head stated the policy.

It was you who upset your child by being late!

RitaOrange · 17/04/2015 20:32

The HT didn't have a go !
She pointed out that the OP was very late and that their policy if this happened again would to call SS( standard policy)

Crikey some people have a total bloody front - they are late and then whine about the people who have stayed late to look after their child.

Stopandlook · 17/04/2015 20:33

This 'one off' argument. If everyone did this once then it would happen every single night. Not picking your child up should be a 'never' event.

I would only not be pissed off if the excuse was that someone had been taken ill. Anything else is shockingly irresponsible. It's your children, I just don't get why it should be ok to leave them where they're not meant to be. And I am far from perfect as a mum, this one just shocks me.

fleecyjumper · 17/04/2015 20:35

Funny that people think that SS will turn up to look after a child whose mum is late but on the way. We had a genuine case of child abandonment on a Friday when the parent informed us they were abandoning the child. SS were informed at 3:00pm and they turned up to collect the child at 7:30pm. The headteacher and a support assistant had to stay with the child and the headteacher had to arrange emergency childcare for her own young child.

vindscreenviper · 17/04/2015 20:38

But yarp the op said that she wasn't upset with what the ht said, just that it was said in front of the dc. Other posters have interpreted the conversation as the op being 'told off', it does come across as if the op and some other posters think that their behaviour and decisions should not be commented upon by professionals in the presence of their children.
If this is what they belive then I think they are wrong.

Frusso · 17/04/2015 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RitaOrange · 17/04/2015 20:44

Was just about to post what Frusso said.
SS would be informed - its the responsibility of the school ,no one has said SS will come and collect the child.

ChillySundays · 17/04/2015 20:44

When my DC were at primary school I had a plan B and C but sods law those mums weren't always doing pick up when I needed the help

Have to say school were always good on the very odd occasion I had to ring to say bus still not turned up

PHANTOMnamechanger · 17/04/2015 20:53

I run a rainbows. There are a few parents who pick up late every single week. They sometimes apologise profusely but more often than not its just a sheepish grin and a shrug, "Oh I'm last again." I dont mind the genuine cases (stuck behind an accident) but it's the same ones late almost every week.

Now, not only am I miffed about being used as free childcare so they can do an extra 10 minutes shopping/at work, but each time I am also thinking, is this parent OK, or has there been an accident, how long do I wait before phoning the childs emergency contact number? what next if I can't get through?

I also regularly have to dash off to pick my own kids up or get to a parents evening or evening meeting for work, so 15 minutes late is a lot. I wish we had a policy and I could be as firm as the HT in the OP!

KatieKaye · 17/04/2015 20:58

yeah ragged how fucking unreasonable of me to make sure I arrive on time.

Bloody hell, how much better to leave a kid wondering what's happened because school is over and his Mum hasn't even realised she's late.

vindscreenviper · 17/04/2015 20:59

I hope you don't say anything unprofessional to them in front of the children phantom

Yarp · 17/04/2015 21:04

vind

Ok.

NeedABumChange · 17/04/2015 21:09

I don't understand why your son can't hear his mum being told that her lateness is unacceptable?

SingingHinnies · 17/04/2015 21:11

This 'one off' argument. If everyone did this once then it would happen every single night. Not picking your child up should be a 'never' event.

3DC in all the years of primary i have been late once, yes once a one off, the dog escaped as i was leaving, what should i do, look for the dog or ring the school and explain my predicament. Phoned the school who said oh no look for the dog, we will keep dd, turned up 25 mins late to dd helping with admin. Never late before that never late again, Should i have left dog to cause an accident on the roads, get run over, get snatched or just rung the school and explained what was happening.

Of course if i was constantly late then i'm sure they would have said FFS not again, any excuse No Miss Hinnies, this is a regular occurance, please collect your child immediately, we will discuss your persistany failure to collect dd in the office

Uhplistrailer · 17/04/2015 21:20

The head teacher was a bit off in my opinion.

I'm a childminder and my uncollected child policy states that ss will be called after at least an hour after failure to pick up with nc from parents or emergency contacts.

I can understand she was annoyed, but these things just sometimes can't be helped.

Stopandlook · 17/04/2015 21:23

I would have used my plan B singing

or controlled my dog

Original poster

FujimotosElixir · 17/04/2015 21:26

Thanks for replies i will leave it but stil firmly believe ut was innapropriate infront of my ds, im leaving the thread as some the posts are getting a bit stupid now.

OP posts:

SingingHinnies · 17/04/2015 21:37

Stopandlook yeah yeah some people are just so perfect, nothing goes wrong ever, they are so organised/perfect they always have a backup plan and have strict regimes so nothing goes wrong ever.

Dog's only escaped once in 4 years as well out of a hole in the fence i had no idea the kids/adults/pissed up teens had been at, silly me i should have inspected the fence thoroughly looking for any broken panels the kids had pulled/kicked, which were not visible until your pushed the panel and which has never happened before or since so i would ensure i could get to the school on time for DD. Wish i had thought of that, would have been so much easier than ringing the school and looking for the dog for 20 mins

Do you inspect your fence 10 times a day before you let your dog out, making sure each panel is secure by inspecting the perimeter for wear and tear since last inspection?

nokidshere · 17/04/2015 22:15

What ridiculous comments on this thread! I don't know any teachers who work full time that leave to pick up their own children at 3pm - they all work till 5 or 6pm. No school would call SS when the parent has phoned and said they are on their way. Even if the parents hadn't called, they would have phoned emergency contacts first anyway. Once someone says they are on their way the child would be left in the care of someone who was going to still be in work until they got there.

Having said that I wouldn't be pleased if I was ticked off by an adult in front of my children but I would just apologise profusely and let it go since I would be the one in the wrong.

RitaOrange · 17/04/2015 22:22

"I would apologise profusely and let it go"

That's what the OP should have done.
End of drama.

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