to think this conversation shouldn't have happened infront of DS ?

[FujimotosElixir]

Unfortunately i was late picking up ds today, quite late my bus was very late and not the kind of distance I could just sod it and walk. i rang the school in panic knowing i.was already late apologising and would get there asap. When i arrived the head teacher was understandably annoyed but said , where have you been , why are you late? ...i had explained this to the AD , and then went onto say this really was too late and it wasnt a bit late and usually they would ring Ss (!? first offence id rang?) and dont let it happen again , ds was really fed up. generally being quite provocative and rude, my issue isnt the conversation itself more the fact it happened in front of DS? im raging so unprofessional, the reason was out of my control although I understand her annoyance. i apologised several times.i wouldn't have minded a.discreet word or 'we'll speak on monday' but i did ring and it wasn't really my fault. AIBU to be annoyed the conversation was so inappropriately done in front of ds?

Teachers should be teaching that social workers are (like police officers and fire fighters) people that help us not people to avoid - whatever we as adults may feel about them.

I'm a school based SW. I see nothing wrong with the HT telling the OP that they usually ring SS. If it's the school policy she was only reminding OP of that. Children are only afraid of SW if they have been taught to be afraid of them. It's also up to parents to educate their children, not just teachers.

"people don't turn up late on purpose"

You would be surprised.

Childcare is costly. Being late, meaning children are being left with receptionist or class teacher, is free.

A non-zero number of parents choose the free route, IME, particularly in schools with no on-site after school club. In my DC's primary, all children were taken to the ASC (and charged for) after 15 minutes. Where I work, there is no on-site ASC and there are ALWAYS 6-10 children waiting 20-25 mins in the receptiion, 4 of them every day.

BUT she was VERY unreasonable to threaten you with SS for a first offence

She didn't though.

She told the OP what would usually happen in this circumstance.

I just don't think 'a late bus' cuts it as an excuse for being so, so late. You have to make provision for late public transport when you're a parent. But despite you not agreeing with how unreasonable you were, and how reasonable imo the HT was, hopefully you will not do this again and come up with your plan B. Public transport is not reliable enough - I had to stop taking the train to work, a much nicer way to go in, because I have DC who I am responsible for after school, no-one else is.

It's not about ringing SS 'for a first offence'. Schools presumably have to have the same safeguarding procedures I have as a childminder. We have to have a policy for late collection and the standard policy will state that after x amount of time Social Services will be called. This is because some parents may just assume that it's ok to be as late as they want, the teachers will stay indefinitely.

How late were you when you rang? Are you sure the message got through to the Head? I certainly wouldn't have been talking Social Services to any of my parents unless 35 minutes had passed and I hadn't heard from them at all. If they ring before pick up time to say they're still going to be some time then I'm sympathetic - shit happens to everyone sometimes.

Oh for heaven's sake. People are getting the whole SS thing completely wrong.

It is school policy for SS to be called, NOT to report the delinquent parent, NOT out of concern of abandonment or poor parenting, NOT to start SS involvement with the family, but to have the appropriate agency to look after the child. It is not some threat. It is an appropriate procedure to make sure that a child has someone looking after them.

A head teacher or teacher or TA cannot act in loco parentis indefinitely. School closes at a certain time. What would you all have the teacher do - take the child home with them?

A good policy for children who have not been collected should set out the exact times when a teacher hands over the child to a member of the SLT, and then the time at which the SLT member should call or consider calling social services. The idea is that the social worker would be able to get to the school and take care of the child or find appropriate alternative arrangements for the care of the child until the parent is able to do so.

It is not a "I am reporting you to social services because you are a horrible mother because you were 35 minutes late for reasons out of your control" situation. It is a "children who are not collected need someone to look after them" situation.

HT was absolutely right to speak to you and advise you of consequences for being late. Your poor dc waited 35 mins after the other children left ...... that is simply unacceptable and you absolutely need to ensure this never happens again.

So yes yabu to expect the school to provide childcare, whatever the circumstances, for free and to do so happily and without the involvement of your dc, who after all must have been very worried!

Or what long said much more concisely and politely than me

OP I get a bus to collect my DC and I always get the one BEFORE the one that I "could" get. That's because of this sort of thing. I get a bus at 2.30 to travel ten minutes...and then wait for half an hour at the gates.

If I didn't get the 2.30 it would have to be the 3.00 which yes...SHOULD get me there on time but I don't trust this sort of thing not to happen so yes...get the bus before the one you got today.

ok, I give up, what is an AD?
I imagine the HT would have to deal with shedloads of paperwork if they really did refer you to SS. So probably an empty threat unless it's a chronic problem.

In practice I am usually at school until at least 6 o'clock and no parent has ever been later than that so I have never had to call SS thank goodness!

In practice I am usually at school until at least 6 o'clock and no parent has ever been later than that so I have never had to call SS thank goodness!

You're not childcare though. No parent should be as late as the OP was then whine because she was told off. I often have meetings after school (as do many colleagues) and have no time to look after children. The OP is unreasonable expecting school staff to look after her child. 35 mins late is taking the piss.

You are responsible for collecting your child on time. You should have phoned before collection time, not when you were already late. that was rude and inconsiderate.

Given your time confusion, was the bus really late or had you missed the one you normally get because you were late?

Yes, the Head was absolutely right to address the issue there and then - it's totally right that she informed you of the consequences of your tardiness and the effect this had on your son. And also to mention the school policy.

I've been using buses for over 30 years to travel to work. I've never been late once because I plan my journey properly. Including the time when there was one bus an hour. If you are responsible for picking up a child you have to make the effort to be there on time, not rely on other people to pick up the slack.

I think the problem here is that the HT seems to have treated the op like a naughty school kid. Ok so op messed up, she knows that, she panicked and no doubt felt awful to the school and to her son but I think it was out of order for the HT to say any of that, let alone in front of the son.

They are both full grown adults and it sounds as if the HT's frustrations for this kind of thing got in the way if her being able to deal with it in a nature way.

Sounds like the op had a tough and stressful half hour or so. A better response from the HT would've been compassion or empathy. I get that she's probably a bit cynical after hearing every excuse in the book but I personally think she handled it badly. Honestly, a telling off and scornful looks were never going to change what had happened, just an aggressive way of getting a point across (albeit a valid one).

Well golly gee gosh good for your perfectness, KatieKaye. Sheesh.
Make sure you ask for no sympathy if any bit of your immaculate perfect planning ever goes wrong.

*mature, not nature!

So, OP, are you going to start catching the earlier bus so this doesn't happen again, or ask another parent to be your stand in?

it was a one off drs appointment but yes in future ill have to make sure my appt is earlier.

fiftyshades superb post really hit the nail on the head.

"Perhaps you need to think about learning to drive."

Perhaps she hasn't the money to drive. Perhaps you need to think about how she might afford a car and driving lessons. Perhaps you need to think about any reasons, medical, financial, practical or otherwise that she may have for not driving. Perhaps if it were that easy she'd have thought of it already.

Perhaps she already does drive.

Perhaps you need to think about the way you're addressing the OP Hilingdon.

I agree with Fifty

Professional people are not entitled, however pissed off they feel, however reasonably, to tell off an adult in front of their child.

All the rest of this talk about how late she was, how rude that is, is irrelevant

The OP is unreasonable expecting school staff to look after her child.

she didnt expect them to, due to unforseen circumstances, a one off, a bit of bad luck she was late, things happen unless your as perfect as katie, i have used public transport all my life, sometimes, not often the buses just don't show up, what then? You can be there on time for it but if it doesn't arrive then your stuck unless you have a 10 min regular bus service and can catch the next one, should she get a bus an hour earlier with a baby in a buggy and wait for an hour in the playground, what about in winter when its freezing and lashing down rain, what then, someone phone's SS because your standing in the playground with a baby freezing because you got the bus an hour earlier just in case it's late again like that ONE time it was.

It was a one off, she's never normally late, the bus is normally on time, for whatever reason (breakdown, someone collapsing etc etc) the bus was late once, she was late, once

I am pleased all the teachers at our school are really nice, helpful people, im sure if i explained the above ^ they would be fine as it would be a ONE OFF so they would know something had happened as i always collect on time, they would help me out, not scold me in front of my child

Surely the teachers know who the persistent offender's are and deal with them appropriately, surely they realise if you have never been late, you have rung and told them your in difficulty then that's unusal so can help by sitting the child down with a book or some pens or if they have to go asking someone who's not going if they can keep an eye on them because it's a ONE OFF

The HT wasn't "telling her off" simply being firm and pointing out that being 35 minutes late is not on because of a routine appointment.
.
A doctors appointment is not a valid excuse- book one in the morning.

Don't think the teacher is wrong for telling you what she has to do though.
May seem like overkill but just a procedure.
If she didn't say it in front of your son would she have has to have found someone to watch him whilst talking to you about it? Therefor inconveniencing another person?

Plus i dont think hillington was actually saying anything bad to you till you got rude to her ( or him sorry!)

I'm sure your DS was more upset than the HT about you being late tho the 'call SS comments' made me laugh.. my mum was a social worker which was why we were always the last in the playground or being looked after by the school cleaners- there was always an emergency more urgent than us.
You were taking the piss a bit, you need a backup plan if you are going to do school pickups by bus, such as friends or after school club, but if it was a one off and you phoned to explain then she was being a bit OTT. Suspect you got the brunt of a tired Friday. even HTs are human.