OH loves to walk...but worries mums might think he's a paedo

[Dowser]

I can't or don't always want to go with him.

So, he's been on his morning constitutional avoiding schools and parks ( probably crossing over the road if he sees a woman on her own approaching him).

He came in wearing some new shorts. I said they look like baggy shorts, have you lost weight.

No, he said, these are my walking shorts. They look like I'm out for a walk and I'm not a paedo.

I'm sniggering here at his logic. I wouldn't even say it was short wearing weather but I feel quite sad for him.

He's misses not having dogs any more. He had dogs for 30 years , and he felt a dog gave him a legitimate reason to walk and not look like a paedo in the park.

Anyone else got a male walk loving OH and how do they overcome this problem.

I think to be fair OH feels more sensitive about it since Jimmy Savile.

Dowser, there must be more to this - is there anything else going on to make him feel so irrationally anxious? Or is wherever you live having some moment of particular paedophile awareness, over a real or imagined incident?

I am the mother of a three year old and live somewhere with large numbers of men going for solitary walks, with or without dogs (village with lots of retired people and good footpaths in the vicinity of the school and playground). I walk a lot by myself, also. It would never cross my mind to suspect a man out for a walk.

My elderly Pils were visiting some months ago and took my son to his regular toddler group. They came home shrill with hurt and indignation because a mother had come and 'snatched' her toddler away from my FIL. Cue 'You can't do anything these days without being suspected of being a paedophile.' The next week when I was back at the group myself, the other mother mentioned how her son had taken an immediate fancy to my Fil, and how she'd come to take him away eventually because she was afraid he was bothering him. Complete misunderstanding, possibly exacerbated by the fact they had difficulty understanding one another's accents.

I'm sorry that happened to you join

This attitude definitely exists. I was in a park last summer and a woman came up to me and warned me about a "coloured" man looking at kids. I later saw him again in the playground .. supervising his kids. The sort of people who think like that are people who buy papers that bang on about peedo, immigrant, benefit scroungers and there are a lot of them in the UK!

DH was on the train home from work when he noticed that a teenage girl had left her phone behind as she got off. He quickly pocketed it so nobody stole it (which would have happened, trust me). It was locked so he couldn't ring the parents, so waited for a call.

When he answered it he got a load of abuse from the girl's mother accusing him of stealing it, even though he tried to explain what he'd done. Eventually got an address to drop it off at. I took the phone there myself and she said, "I'm sorry about that, it's just that when a bloke answers a phone that's been lost you naturally assume he's stolen it don't you"

I'll bet anything she would have been relieved, not angry if I'd answered the phone.

Call the OP's husband ill and paranoid all you want but there's this attitude that men are lying, immoral criminals waiting to steal or abuse you if you're not careful. It's very frustrating.

That is very very sad. I feel for your OH. As a lone woman walking her dog I am aware of other people around me when out but wouldn't think anything of a man walking on his own unless he started doing something creepy like following me! Im from a small village though and we talk to each other a lot.

Maybe if he wants to he could look into one of the charities that are set up to connect people to older people with pets who may need their dog walking. Our local one is called the cinnamon trust and they provide a lifeline to less mobile people who have a pet but maybe can't walk them so much anymore.

His mental health is absolutely fine thanks.

He's just erring on the side of caution . Seems as a man he's not alone in his thinking.

Sad about the man who had his camera investigated. Must have been a horrible experience.

Tomorrow I will send him out in walking shorts ( even if its snowing) trainers( he probably wore them already) with a water bottle, sweat bands( do people still wear them in the gym?) with a camera, golf club and ball ( even though we are miles from the golf clubs)

And my suggestion ... A T shirt saying I'm only walking, im not a pervert

That should do the trick!

Won't be long before the local plod picks him up as someone has reported this bloke prowling around and dressed very weird!

DH has had this too as a Scout leader. He LOVES outdoor stuff and scouting gives the opportunity to do that cheaply whilst also giving something back to the community and teaching kids the things he loves and wasn't taught at the same age.

However he went back into Scouting before we had DS. Being a Scout leader has provoked enough paedo comments as it is, but doing it when you haven't got children of your own at the same age...

The thing is, being a fit active male in his 30s he can do a lot more than most men 10 years his senior who have got children of 'the appropriate' age.

Its really sad that no one can see it for what it is. Someone doing what they LOVE, helping others gain that passion and actually just being an excuse to be a bit of a big kid himself.

"Legoland have a 'safeguarding' policy that stipulates no lone males will be permitted entrance. They have to have a child with them or else they're considered a potential risk hmm

There's form for this type of thinking."

To be fair, I might wonder about a man wanting to go to Legoland on his own. Rather different thinking to "man going for walk- must be dodgy"

And I though all thoughtful men crossed to road so as not to be walking behind lone women at night? Don't they?

Allby beat me to it-= but second the recommendation of organisations like the cinnamon trust and maybe "borrow my doggy" is a good one. Or if you are local to me your DH can happily borrow mine for at least five miles a day please . I also suffer with sometimes irrational anxieties so I feel for your DH for worrying. What a sad world we live in.

I'd go to Legoland on my own in a shot, if I had the chance

So I don't find it odd that men might want to as well. Lego's a huge hobby for some adults.

Hak, at night, definitely, for a man crossing the road so as not to alarm a woman unnecessarily by coming up behind her is standard thoughtful behaviour. I would acknowledge with a nod sometimes to show it was appreciated.

And most playgrounds etc have a 'no adults unless accompanied by a child' policy - I don't think I've ever seen a gendered exclusion.

Red I think a lot of men are put off from volunteering for those very reasons, which is very sad. I help out at girl guides, I know how hard it is to get people - especially men - to help out. Good on your DH.

It is sad that decent men are afraid of this. However there are incidents that show hes not being paranoid.
Idiots can and do hound blameless people eg incident with paediatrician... Idiots!

On a practical note, co7ld your OH borrow dogs to take with him who otherwise wouldnt be able to have long walks due to their owners' illness /disability?

I though all thoughtful men crossed to road so as not to be walking behind lone women at night? Don't they?

I do, but I find the requirement really f*cking offensive. Not even our royalty demand such implicit abasement.

I want to say this kind of logic is completely and utterly and totally irrational. I pay not a jot of attention to a man walking. I assume he's a man walking and then move on to the other thoughts in my head like is there enough ginger at home to make gingerbread and where did I leave my sunglasses and where do all the teaspoons go and was Nietzsche right?

However, I have a good friend who assumes all lone men are up to no good. She explains quite patiently that people only put ornaments in their front garden so children stop and admire them and then they can Look At Them. Similarly, men wearing large and ornate belt buckles do so in order to encourage children's gaze to their crotch area. Men carrying bags are up to no good too. I love her inordinately and in all other areas, she's totally rational. Her dc however, wear tracking devices.

Still, I wouldn't expect any man genuinely out for a walk to give an iota of attention to my friend's warped ideas. I know DH goes out all the time running, cycling, walking and he spends his time thinking about icecream and bikes and Warhammer. I'd worry if he started paying so much attention to this very specific notion of himself as a paedophile. It would never cross his mind.

Thanks Ineedtimeoff
I agree that the level of suspicion and paranoia is insane in the country and I hate the idea of men not being able to take photographs without being viewed suspiciously. I once saw a horrible argument between a lovely grandad and a stupid woman over the lovely grandad taking photographs of his granddaughter playing tennis. I also remember the comedian Arthur Smith telling a story about making a child smile on the tube by sticking his tongue out and being called a a paedo by the mother
However, I don't think men who worry about these things or women who feel worried walking by themselves at nighttime (daylight is a differet matter) are mentally ill as has been suggested on this thread.

"I do, but I find the requirement really f*cking offensive. Not even our royalty demand such implicit abasement."

Eh?

Ineed, but I think we also need to consider the bigger picture. I simply don't think it's accurate to say that male primary school teachers/childminders/ TAs/ Scout leaders and the like are put off by the fear that people will view a man wanting to do something that involves children with suspicion - there's also the fact that working with children/working for free is considered a low-value, ill-paid, traditionally female (these two thinks inextricably linked) sphere of activity.

For a man to choose to do something traditionally gendered female and 'low-value' is seen as far more transgressive. Why, this kind of thinking runs, would a man want to do something society values so little and that risks compromising the social norms of 'masculinity'? There must be more to it...

Implicit abasement???

Sorry, realised my first post is garbled. What I mean is that the climate of suspicion that surrounds male volunteers/teachers/childminders comes in part from thinking that no man surely would freely choose something so poorly-valued and 'female', unless he had an 'extra' motivation. It's about economics and gender norms as well as a heightened fear of paedophiles.

Hakluyt

In some cultures, including briefly in ours, it was not permitted for the common folk to share a road with the elite or even look at them directly. It was thought that the common gaze would pollute those who were looked at and that failing to vacate a pathway was a possible indication of insubordinate aggression.

I strive to be a good citizen and I'm conscious that the promotion of certain narratives mean that my presence in certain circumstances has the potential to cause discomfort or distress. Being aware of it, I abide by the social norms of the day, but I still see them as a symbol of how potentially degraded I am perceived as being, simply by virtue of my gender.

There's a charity where you can walk other people's dogs, if they're elderly, ill etc. could he do this if having a dog makes him feel more comfortable?

I wouldn't think that a lone male walking was a paedo but, I have to admit, and I know it's wrong, if I'm out walking somewhere alone and a bit remote, and I see a lone male without a dog, I feel slightly uneasy. I know that's my own paranoia because I'm alone and I'm very aware of everything and everyone around me.

I also think that going for a walk is more fun if you have a dog. Couldn't you get another?