OH loves to walk...but worries mums might think he's a paedo

[Dowser]

I can't or don't always want to go with him.

So, he's been on his morning constitutional avoiding schools and parks ( probably crossing over the road if he sees a woman on her own approaching him).

He came in wearing some new shorts. I said they look like baggy shorts, have you lost weight.

No, he said, these are my walking shorts. They look like I'm out for a walk and I'm not a paedo.

I'm sniggering here at his logic. I wouldn't even say it was short wearing weather but I feel quite sad for him.

He's misses not having dogs any more. He had dogs for 30 years , and he felt a dog gave him a legitimate reason to walk and not look like a paedo in the park.

Anyone else got a male walk loving OH and how do they overcome this problem.

I think to be fair OH feels more sensitive about it since Jimmy Savile.

He should carry a water bottle and wear trainers. Then it's obvious he is exercising.

Wish, I'd never mentioned the shorts .

These are sport shorts, different from his other shorts. He thought by wearing sport shorts it looked like he was doing something athletic..bless.

Normally he wears walking trousers.

We can't have a dog because we travel about a fair bit.

It's encouraging to think the majority of woman seeing a man walking don't think he's up to no good.

Usually he goes for a walk along the beach but that involves taling the car. These walks are just a ten minute lap around the block .

That's a good idea sebsmummy.

He should carry a water bottle and wear trainers. Then it's obvious he is exercising

Yep, I bet no paedo ever thought of that.

Yep, maybe he could wear a tracksuit and run some marathons for good measure

Blue42

What the fuck?

DS1 runs 5 miles a day. He goes past schools, parks, woods, kids playing in the street. He has never said that people might think he's a "paedo". He assumes they think he's out for a run, which he is.

I think to be fair OH feels more sensitive about it since Jimmy Savile

Saville used his fame and influence to abuse people. He gained their trust and no one would say anything. That is far far different to a man walking around.

he wasn't up a hill in the lake district was he, harrassing lost campers by offering to escort them safely down the mountain?

People are allowed to walk about, tell him to relax and let the man get a dog!

Oh dear, DP has just walked to the shop and is wearing long trousers! Will he be arrested?!

What is his thought process to think that people would think he was an abuser, or potential abuser? What starts off that thought?

Running is different though.

We're talking about a man out & walking on his own, and as soon as he walks past some people (you know, the ones that form lynch mobs for pediatricians) they'll give him dirty looks, if he's unlucky they'll shout something at him as he walks away.

Seriously - until this has happened to you, you don't know what a nasty, confidence breaking thing it is.

1. Its BROAD DAYLIGHT in an open public place. Not a dark enclosed alley with no one around.

2. Most sexual attacks are committed by someone you know

3. Even if you have previously had a bad experience this does not make every other man a criminal. Are all Muslims potential terrorists? (And is it ok to say this?) Are all black people about to mug you? (And is it ok to say this?)

4. This type of attitude is stopping a lot of men from going into professions like teaching or volunteering for groups like scouting. This means that boys are increasingly growing up without the presence of GOOD male role models, which is even more important when single parent families are now the norm.

5. Surely if people are living with the attitude that they are treated as a threat its going to make some actively resent that even more and drive an even bigger wedge between men and women and this them and us thinking.

I can't help but think its 'UKIP type thinking'. Lets blame the bloody foreigners/men for inherent deep social problems within our society rather than looking at how we can work to tackle the real root causes of why they are happening.

Legoland have a 'safeguarding' policy that stipulates no lone males will be permitted entrance. They have to have a child with them or else they're considered a potential risk

There's form for this type of thinking.

As a man, I recognise his fear. Unless I'm with my girlfriend I avoid parks with large numbers of children, roads near schools or sharing a path with a woman when I'm out at night.

It's not worth the risk.

What is his thought process to think that people would think he was an abuser, or potential abuser? What starts off that thought?

Probably some mouth breather pushing her little Courtney & Tiffany giving him the evils & saying something loudly on her phone along the lines of "there's a dirty man in the park" - that's what did it for my friend.

Interesting viewpoint from some of the men.

I think the shorts are just to signal he's just a man out doing a bit of exercising.

He doesn't do jogging btw.

Sad story about the man helping a lost child too.

Join, I can't work out what you're trying to say. Is it that OP's partner might not be in the best of mental health? If so, I would point out that I've said exactly the same about myself so am hardly sniggering at that.

Or is it that some women might be irrationally afraid of men due to past experience? I'm not sniggering about that, either, but neither do I feel all men should avoid walking in case somebody nearby is feeling fragile.

As it goes, I have been seriously assaulted by men appearing out of nowhere. I don't think all men are dangerous. I sympathise with anyone who does. But it's up to them to manage their fragility, not the rest of the world to steer clear of them.

I understand the shorts thinking - when I read your title I thought, 'Get a pair of walking shoes'. Walking shorts would do the same job.

Having said that, no-one would bat an eyelid at a man out walking round these parts - are you living somewhere that it's unusual for people to walk?
like Birmingham

Blimey, Meph, that's sad to hear. Some other distressing posts here, too :(

I can understand this. DH is in to nature photography and as a lone male walking about with a camera he does attract some interest. He completely avoids family areas, parks etc unless with me or the dc which is a shame as we've seen some of the most beautiful birds in r local park.

A sad indictment of the times we live in really.

Ineedtimeoff
I'm aware that most women are attacked by men they know but thanks for the reminder.
If you are unfortunate to be the victim of such an attack, whatever the circumstances or your relationship to the perpetrator it can make a person slightly more wary of being alone at night.
I am slightly wary of these things (not paranoid though) because of two things. The first is being subjected to a minor (if there is such a thing) sexual assault by a man I knew. The second is the murder of a girl my age in my area when I was 13. I think these things stay with you. If I am on my own late at night and a man approaches me I do feel slightly vulnerable.
That said, I enjoy excellent mental health and hate UKIP

I disagree with the majority on here, my DH worries about things in the same way. When I was teaching he used to come and pick me up but would park round the corner to avoid being a lone male sat in a car outside a school. So it can't be that unusual for this to worry men, which is very sad.

My keen photographer fil was once stopped by the police near a beach where he had been taking photographs of the sea because someone had reported him for taking photos of young children. They escorted him home and searched his camera. Obviously he had no photos of children, just scenery but he is now scared to take photos in public which has ruined a lovely man and doting grandfathers enjoyment of his hobby. So this state of mind does exist

A lot of the responses here are correctly pointing out that the OPs OH is being irrational, and then listing rational reasons why other rational people wouldn't think he's up to anything nefarious.

Which would be fine if everyone else out there were also rational. Sadly, for every guy out there like the OP's OH, there is probably at least one irrational person out there, regardless of sex, who will confirm or reinforce his fear. As proven by the hill walking thread.

I don't think my dad feels quite this bad but he did make a comment about taking my daughter for a walk gave him a reason to walk places he wouldn't normally - I think he was just being nosey up roads which are cul de sacs but pushing a pram made a good excuse!

It is really sad - I have just had to deal with the fall out of someone making similar judgements about my husband coming to visit a guide camp to help with my 9 month old daughter. So sad that due to the media people are made to feel like this.

Yes things stay with you, but that doesn't justify you treating everyone with this level of suspicion either. There is healthy suspicion and unhealthy suspicion.