OH loves to walk...but worries mums might think he's a paedo

[Dowser]

I can't or don't always want to go with him.

So, he's been on his morning constitutional avoiding schools and parks ( probably crossing over the road if he sees a woman on her own approaching him).

He came in wearing some new shorts. I said they look like baggy shorts, have you lost weight.

No, he said, these are my walking shorts. They look like I'm out for a walk and I'm not a paedo.

I'm sniggering here at his logic. I wouldn't even say it was short wearing weather but I feel quite sad for him.

He's misses not having dogs any more. He had dogs for 30 years , and he felt a dog gave him a legitimate reason to walk and not look like a paedo in the park.

Anyone else got a male walk loving OH and how do they overcome this problem.

I think to be fair OH feels more sensitive about it since Jimmy Savile.

math anxiety- just to point out that a young man is far more likely to be subjected to a violent attack than a woman

A friend of mine once said he saw a toddler running around his estate in his nappy and he just walked pass because he thought if he picked him up he may of been accused of kidnapping or something.

Young men are less likely to get raped.

Which is what we are talking about here. Not just any old violent attack, rape, which is a form of attack used just in order to demonstrate power and contempt, and mostly used by men against women.

And there is much more than just rape, 'more' meaning the jeering, and catcalling, questioning of our motives for being outdoors, remarks about our clothing or bodies or facial expressions, and on and on and on. Young men are not subjected to that, day in and day out. They are not as likely to be groped on trains or buses either, or in the lift. And other men are not likely to take photos under their dresses or skirts while they are ahead of them on escalators.

he is going for a walk not upskirting someone

"your poor dh does not have yo plan his route to avoid schools and parks, or cross roads because a woman is coming. I am sick and tired of the mumsnet manbashing"

laughingcow- there isn't a single poster on here who has said the OP's husband should plan his route to avoid schools or parks or cross the road because a woman is coming. How about you read the thread then contribute?

What a load of alarmist misinformed bollocks.
This man hating derailment of the thread is ridiculous.
I am a long serving senior police officer. I am female, I have brothers, sons, male colleagues, friends.
OP, don't go buying golf clubs, special equipment etc, tell your partner to walk tall and enjoy the exercise. Worrying behaviour usually occurs in private, eg online grooming or more often by 'nice' men meeting single parent females, conning them into a relationship then abusing their children.
In 2 decades of law enforcement I have never dealt with a child being snatched by a stranger.
We deal with violent stranger assaults on men by men numerous times a week, many many domestic assaults and an increasing number of violent stranger assaults on women by women.
It is for all of us to challenge offensive behaviour that we come across, its is fucking ridiculous to expect only men to challenge other men and quite frankly perpetuates the idea that women are somehow frail and predisposed to being victims.

My DH was often thought of as either the local Drug Dealer or thug or most likely both ( think nice flash new sports car , always around during the daytime and appearing to not work lots of tattoos and a big guy - looks a bit scary tbh
He only found this out that this is what people throught about him by walking our dogs and chatting to people who openly said that's what they thought he did for a living lol

What I ment by above post is with the dogs by DH is just seen as a nice normal friendly bloke out walking with his dogs both young and old women with / without kids will stop and chat with him now
Without them he was seen as the local thug / drug dealer and to be avoided at all times
Strange what a cute dog can do to change people's percepetion of a person

Oh I do wish someone would point out the man hating to me- it complete passed me by. And also where someone said that only men should challenge unacceptable behaviour..........

mathanxiety post yesterday 22:19
if there really are decent men out there...etc.
There are so many many more examples of casual man hating on this thread its unbelievable.
I suggest you read back through, I am busy working with very decent men who perform minor acts of heroics for men and women daily.

Strange what a cute dog can do to change people's percepetion of a person

Depends on the dog. Some dogs certainly add to the perception of certain people.

mathanxiety post yesterday 22:19
if there really are decent men out there...etc.

SinclairSpectrum I totally agree with you. What a fucking horrible post.

I'll be sure to show it to DH. As pp he is a Scout Leader and deals with kids who sometimes spout ignorant things. He's dealt with anything and everything from 'chinky' to sexual language aimed at boys from the girls to boys saying 'ooohhh purple that's a girls colour' to bullying.

This is all in his spare time for no financial reward. And he gets paedo jibes for volunteering in this way.

So why the fuck do you think more men don't do more openly proactive stuff to change ingrained and culturally rotten behaviours in children so the next generation have a chance.

No instead we have to listen to guff that suggests there are no decent men out there, which of course does nothing to help the situation anymore than men who don't stand up and be counted. All it does is cause resentment and drive an even bigger wedge.

Lets all do a slow handclap for the kick in the bollocks that post gave to decent men.

I have to say I do question whether that post breaks certain guidelines...

Horrible horrible horrible.

Discussing this thread with my DH last night caused an argument. He was really annoyed by the idea that a man should change his behaviour when he is doing absolutely nothing wrong. While I agree with that in principle, if I was walking to my car at night on a street with no-one on it but a man walking by, I would really appreciate that man not coming up behind me fast or walking close to me. DH thinks I am being "over the top" and tarring all men cmpletely unfairly.

My DD's (aged 20) opinion as that I should be less of a wimp, hold my keys in my fist when I get into my car, stand tall and stop worrying abut what other people are doing...

PS I hve been mugged in the past, at knifepoint, but not in the UK, not by a man (by a bunch of teenage boys), and not in a sexual attack (they just wanted my phone). It does make you a bit more nervous, in general, but I agree with my DH that this has nothing to do with how men do or don't behave.

it is fucking ridiculous to expect only men to challenge other men

Yes, it would be if anyone had actually said that. What's being suggested is that more men do it, in addition to the few who do and the many women who do.

When something is mainly done to women (catcalling, groping, sexual assault), this doesn't mean only women should deal with it, does it? As a police officer, you surely respect that.

For the record, nobody's accusing Mr OP of doing stuff like this. The conversation's gone to the wider & underlying issues.

Dude - so you "should be less of a wimp, hold my keys in my fist when I get into my car, stand tall and stop worrying" - in short, you should be the one to change your behaviour, but god forbid men should make an effort not encroach on your personal space...because that's manhating bollocks and literally the worst thing in the world.

Mathanxiety's post was fine except for the single word "if". In fact it was excellent. Have a bit of respect, maybe her individual experience has suggested there aren't enough decent men? Or maybe she rewrote that sentence, and the "if" belonged to a different sentence?

Or, just maybe, she meant "if" rhetorically, like when you say 'if we need to travel, we need roads'.

It's weak and dishonest to trash her entire post because of one conditional word.

Eh? So an innocent man is walking along a street and he is expected to change his behaviour to accommodate the possible fears at total stranger may harbour due to past experiences?
As for the challenging of unacceptable behaviour, as a police officer I deal with facts. The suggestion that it is women who in the main challenge behaviour perpetrated against women is pure conjecture based on scaremongering, Daily Mail reading and watching episodes of The Bill.
Oh, and reading made up stuff on MN threads.

Yes, swan :( Funny how anything other than "Women, suck it up" is reframed as man-hating.

I like men. I believe they are better than that.

The one word completely changes the meaning though. Completely.

And actually it wasn't just the one word that was the problem. It was asking for evidence in conjunction with that.

The post therefore was all about the fact that there are no decent men and there was no evidence for them.

If the same sentence was posted about a religious group it would not be acceptable.

If you want to tackle sexist attitudes then ALL sexist attitudes are unacceptable and you need to acknowledge those who ARE doing things and ARE making proactive steps to change things. Rather than asking for evidence that they exist hold them up as good examples and encourage others to do the same.

Mathanxiety's post was fine except for the single word "if". In fact it was excellent. Have a bit of respect,

What makes Mathanxiety such a special case, is it forbidden to argue with her?

Nope, Sinclair. It's pure conjecture based on life experience.

As I've said - and so have others - I've been rescued by blokes from the worse excesses of their friends' behaviours. I've been treated considerately by many hundreds of men, and of women. I've intervened on behalf of other women many times, while bigger & stronger people passed by or watched from a distance. I've been refused help by men when asked; I've been verbally and physically assaulted by infinitely more men than women.

All I'm asking is that more men do what the good guys do.

Read the bloody post before you kick off, Uncertain. Or look up 'rhetorical'.

The funny thing is that DH is a highly considerate person and I know for a fact he would avoid trying to make anyone nervous or uncomfortable. But he got highly annoyed at the idea that he should be expected as a man to change his behaviour because of women's incorrect perceptions.

Having said that, much of he argument ensued when he asked me to give examples, and I said, say that I was walking in a dark alley at night and a man came up behind me. His answer was that I shouldn't be in the alley, which of course made me cross, and when I said I will walk where I like, why shouldn't I, his answer was well that's fine and so will I, if you want to be all feminist about it I have no problem, be as equal as you like but then don't moan about feeling unsafe. THAT caused quite an exchange! But when i thought about it, of course I would be highly upset with my daughters if they put themselves in such a situation.

DD said that she feels less safe if a group of women comes close to her at night, than if a single man does.