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Original poster

OH loves to walk...but worries mums might think he's a paedo

285 replies

Dowser · 15/04/2015 09:06

I can't or don't always want to go with him.

So, he's been on his morning constitutional avoiding schools and parks ( probably crossing over the road if he sees a woman on her own approaching him).

He came in wearing some new shorts. I said they look like baggy shorts, have you lost weight.

No, he said, these are my walking shorts. They look like I'm out for a walk and I'm not a paedo.

I'm sniggering here at his logic. I wouldn't even say it was short wearing weather but I feel quite sad for him.

He's misses not having dogs any more. He had dogs for 30 years , and he felt a dog gave him a legitimate reason to walk and not look like a paedo in the park.

Anyone else got a male walk loving OH and how do they overcome this problem.

I think to be fair OH feels more sensitive about it since Jimmy Savile.

OP posts:
Joyfulldeathsquad · 15/04/2015 09:29

Get him a dog

JigsawsAreAllLittlePieces · 15/04/2015 09:29

It's going to be one of those days on Mumsnet. Confused

WaywardOn3 · 15/04/2015 09:31

Could he volunteer at a rescue centre and walk there dogs for them

Or set up as a dog walker and be paid to go out walking?

If circumstances allowed could he get another dog?

Or join a ramblers group?

sweetkitty · 15/04/2015 09:31

I walk my dog through woods every day I often see lone men (my dog actually barks at them maybe she's in paedo alert) it has never once crossed my mind that they are up to anything more than out for a walk.

I agree though get him a wee dog if he misses one so much

ragged · 15/04/2015 09:32

I first heard a man worrying about this 14 yrs ago (Birmingham, smart area). I was interviewing park visitors. He just wanted to walk around the park but brought a golf stick with him (& ball) so that people didn't think he was a creep.

mumeeee · 15/04/2015 09:33

You DH is over worrying. My DH is also a hiker and photographer so like idontseeanydragons DH he often has a camera bag with him. He has never had any trouble and it wouldn't cross his mind that people would think he was a paedo

SnotQueen · 15/04/2015 09:35

Shorts and or golf clubs would make him look more suspicious to me!

No, in reality, he needs to chill. I feel sad for him that this is his line of thinking. Tell him to walk where he likes and wear normal fitting trousers.

RedToothBrush · 15/04/2015 09:36

There's a thread currently running where the OP thinks a man walking solo in the hills is 'odd' and was worried he was about to rape her and her mate who were lost.

Obviously its clear that all men who walk by themselves are up to no good and about to pounce on the nearest vulnerable individual they see.

I beg all of you to lock up your brothers, fathers, husbands, boyfriends and friends and make sure they only leave the house accompanied. This way we will all be safe.

There's sanity and then there's MN.

Justyouwaitandsee · 15/04/2015 09:37

My (lovely friendly giant) of a DH goes out walking alone. He told me he will always cross the road rather than walk behind or too close to a lone woman. Apparently this is something he thought most men would/should do. It was something I had never even thought about!

DoraGora · 15/04/2015 09:37

Walking man? Def paedo. Yup, good call.

FannyFifer · 15/04/2015 09:38

Tell your DP not to be so daft, he doesn't have to avoid schools or parks when out for a walk ffs, as long as he's not standing at the gate wanking then walking past a school is perfectly acceptable.

I often see lone men out walking and wouldn't think anything about it.

blue42 · 15/04/2015 09:38

I am a bloke who likes to walk a lot, wife never joins me, and whilst I don't worry about being mistake for a paedo, some people genuinely do look at you strangely if you're a guy on your own with no dog.

But in the case of the OPs OH, I suspect he is subconsciously putting out vibes that he is up to no good because of his fear of them thinking exactly that. If he's already looking anxious by the time the other person has got within 50 yards of him, then yes, they are likely to give him a wide birth.

Galrick · 15/04/2015 09:38

When I find myself fretting about what nasty things "people" might think about me, it's a sign my mental health is on the downturn.

Just thought I'd mention that. Otherwise, I'm afraid I'm sniggering along with you!

jonicomelately · 15/04/2015 09:40

A lot of men do that crossing the road thing when 'following' a lone woman, especially at night. It's a shame they feel they have to do that but it's extremely thoughtful all the same because some women do feel vulnerable when walking alone in the dark.

WouldYouLikeACupOfTeaTooMate · 15/04/2015 09:40

This is one of the most bizarre things I have read on here! Why does he avoid schools? Why is it on his mind so much that someone might think he is looking for children?! What have shorts got to do with anything? !

Just very, very strange!!!

IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 15/04/2015 09:40

He's not alone, I know a few men (40-70) who don't feel comfortable with the way people look at them if they're walking past the playpark or through the woods on their own.

The only way to avoid this seems to be to get a dog as no-one suspects the dog walker!!

Ineedtimeoff · 15/04/2015 09:41

Not quite the same but..... years ago my dad was dragged out shopping by my mum to a shopping centre. He was standing outside a shop with the bags waiting for my mum to come out when he saw a small boy about 2ish that was crying and lost. My dad walked over to where there was a security guard and told them about the boy. He said that it wasn't his job to look after lost kids. So, my dad went back to the lost boy and started speaking to him, asking where his mum was, trying to reassure him. Just at that point the boys mum came out a shop, gave my dad a big dirty look and then pulled the boy away. No thank you, no appreciation, just suspicion.

My dad was really hurt by that. He now thinks twice about where he goes and what he does. For example he likes to go swimming, but will only go when the kids are at school, won't go at all during the school holidays. So, I can understand your DH feeling a bit weird for going out for a walk. Has something happened to make him feel so unsure?

It's such a shame about this. We live in such fear when the reality is that most people are good at heart and just want to help. It's like the thread that's running about 2 women lost when mountain climbing, they were offered help by a stranger and refused, scared that he was a threat. Chances are he was just worried about them, especially given how dangerous it can be Sad

ExitPursuedByABear · 15/04/2015 09:41

Lots of men walk on their own round my neighbourhood. Never occurred to me that they might be up to nefarious activities.

Get him a dog. Or a grip.

Jackie0 · 15/04/2015 09:42

You do know this is all in his head , right ?
I'm not saying that to trivialise how he is feeling , its sad for him that he doesn't feel comfortable going about a perfectly normal activity.
He needs to get some perspective on it. Is he lacking in confidence perhaps? I would tell him to nobody is taking the slightest bit of notice, people are going about their business , thinking their own thoughts. I remember a time when I was unwell, depressed really and I didn't go out because I thought everyone was looking at me and thinking there was something wrong with me, I hope he doesn't get to that point.
The paedophile reference is a bit of a red herring IMO, I think he is struggling to explain how he worries others view him. Maybe he is concerned a lone man is threatening, but I think the real problem is he thinks he stands out.
As for the shorts? I have no idea what that's about.

NeedABumChange · 15/04/2015 09:42

I actually don't blame him after all the replies to the OP who met a man whilst out hiking. Of course a random man out for a walk is going to rape and murder you Hmm

Crazy attitudes. My dad walks a lot, he says hi to everyone he meets, they say hi back, he has no dog. He does however wear a silly hat that makes people smile, maybe tell your DH to invest in one?

jonicomelately · 15/04/2015 09:42

Galrick Sadly the fact is that lots of women have been victims of sexual assaults and do worry about these things. It's good that your mental health is ok but maybe try to be mindful that other people may not be so fortunate before your start sniggering.

Ineedtimeoff · 15/04/2015 09:46

join most women are attacked by men that they know. Being attacked by a stranger is actually quite rare. For myself, whilst I do take precautions to keep myself safe, I refuse to live my life in fear and to see everyman that's out walking as a threat.

GoooRooo · 15/04/2015 09:46

I think more men worry about this than like to admit it.

My grandfather liked to sit up on the cliffs near where he lived. There's a children's playpark there and he would have enjoyed watching them play but he never ever did, he always sat with his back to the playpark in case he was accussed of being up to no good. It's terribly sad.

OrlandoWoolf · 15/04/2015 09:46

Just at that point the boys mum came out a shop, gave my dad a big dirty look and then pulled the boy away. No thank you, no appreciation, just suspicion

How have we become a society where people think like this? It creates a society where people are afraid to help kids. It really saddens me.

SistersofPercy · 15/04/2015 09:47

They aren't Speedo shorts and the 'S' has fallen off are they?

That's my only explanation.

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