OH loves to walk...but worries mums might think he's a paedo

[Dowser]

I can't or don't always want to go with him.

So, he's been on his morning constitutional avoiding schools and parks ( probably crossing over the road if he sees a woman on her own approaching him).

He came in wearing some new shorts. I said they look like baggy shorts, have you lost weight.

No, he said, these are my walking shorts. They look like I'm out for a walk and I'm not a paedo.

I'm sniggering here at his logic. I wouldn't even say it was short wearing weather but I feel quite sad for him.

He's misses not having dogs any more. He had dogs for 30 years , and he felt a dog gave him a legitimate reason to walk and not look like a paedo in the park.

Anyone else got a male walk loving OH and how do they overcome this problem.

I think to be fair OH feels more sensitive about it since Jimmy Savile.

TheMoa

Several people who posted previously have stated that they do see an 'Unaccompanied person of the male persuasion' as 'dodgy', even though they're aware of the irrationality of that feeling.

I have just read that thread about the hillwalkers, and I have to say that the response is much more mixed than references on this thread had led me to expect.

It's a smattering of people saying 'OMG! What was he even doing up there? He could have been a murderer!', a lot more people pointing out that the chances of the guy being dangerous were tiny, and hundreds saying 'Ghosts? Are you serious?' and 'Get a second compass you fools.'

He is over thinking things.

Just for clarity I didn't mean that OPs DH should borrow a pooch to make himself look less of a threat (that's bull anyway) but simply because he misses having a dog and most dogs would LOVE more walks

Just for clarity I didn't mean that OPs DH should borrow a pooch to make himself look less of a threat (that's bull anyway) but simply because he misses having a dog and most dogs would LOVE more walks

Women may be wary of a man they don't know. It doesn't mean they assume he is a paedophile. I have had enough encounters where a man has flashed me, made lewd suggestions, to be wary of a man when I am alone in a quiet place. But I know the majority will never do anything.

"Of course. As others have stated above, most sexual assaults and violence against women occur within private spaces and are perpetrated by people known to the victim."

However, inappropriate comments, stares and so on don't and aren't. They are part of every day life for many women.

inappropriate comments, stares and so on don't and aren't. They are part of every day life for many women.

They're a daily fact of life for many men, as well. Try being a hippyish type walking through the areas I do on the commute home. Of course in my case they aren't sexual - just a threat of life-threatening violence and material dispossession if I show one iota of vulnerability.

I am, of course, talking about broad daylight. At night I wouldn't go to those areas - if I got knifed , everyone would think I deserved it for walking through those areas dressed the way I do at the time I did.

I saw a lone man in shorts out walking near DDs primary school earlier today. He was carrying a letter and I thought "There's a man out posting a letter" rather than "OMG! LONE MAN! PAEDO ALERT!" so perhaps your OH could carry a letter. whilst out walking..?

Men are vulnerable to other men as well.

Do those women who see a lone men as a threat, not see two men or more as an even greater threat? If so, what are men to do? Have they always got to be accompanied by a woman, or stay home?

But even 30 years ago my Nan always told my Grandad NOT to talk to children and don't go near the playground, in case he was mistaken for an abuser.
This isn't a new way of thinking.

Men are vulnerable to other men as well.

Everyone is vulnerable to everyone else, but the promotion of inaccurate narratives undermines the capacity for rational assessment of these threats.

Men are vulnerable to other men as well.

Everyone is vulnerable to everyone else, but the promotion of inaccurate narratives undermines the capacity for rational assessment of these threats.

I don't talk to random children after getting verbally abused by some mum when her kid got lost in a park when I was a teen. I guess I have just learned to ignore them.

I rarely do the 'cross the road' behaviour, to be honest someone else's issues are not my problem especially when I am doing nothing but what any ordinary human being does, going from one place to another. I am a very fast walker any way so I overtake whoever who is in front of me pretty quickly.

I wonder if some posters actually bother reading previous posts, or if they just can't wait to jump in and start shouting that any man who is sensitive to this situation this is over-reacting, simply because they have never felt threatened. Or the one spectacular post which suggests that any man who is worried about being mistaken for a paedo therefore de facto probably actually is one.

FFS.

Owww poor guy. But if it can reassure him I have encountered several men walking on their own at the park, in the woods, on the heath, on the common, in the country...and I have never EVER even for one second thought 'he must be a paedophile'.

Everyone is vulnerable to everyone else, but the promotion of inaccurate narratives undermines the capacity for rational assessment of these threats."

Men in public places are very rarely vulnerable to women. Individual men can be vulnerable to individual women in the domestic sphere. But men are very unlikely to be mugged, attacked, harassed or in any way inconvenienced by women. This is not an inaccurate narrative.

I'll add letter to the list soup dragon

So that's short, trainers, sweat bands, drinking bottle, golf club and ball, dog that likes a walk, letter, camera and I forgot...funny hat!

Maybe I should compass too!

Oh yes and a T shirt saying

I'm only walking!

But at night on a isolated road why would a thoughtful, kind man not do anything he could to stop a woman being scared?

Maybe he'll be turning left in a bit & the fact that he crosses the road and then comes back again would upset this delicate flower even further?

Maybe he doesn't even realise that it's a "thing" and is staggering home pleasantly inebriated nibbling on a kebab & doesn't even register the person in front is a woman.

Maybe she should cross over the road?

It goes on....

Once you've met a predatory adult, as a child or in a professional capacity, it's hard to dismiss watching out for them as a silly overreaction. So I think some of the feeling of being assessed is natural and unavoidable, because as a society we do have to watch out for those people at least a little bit.

Is it like those theft detectors outside shops? Once you know they're there it's easy to feel nervous walking out of the shop through them even though you haven't stolen anything, in case they beep. I feel self-conscious walking past security guards and end up trying to 'look innocent' even though I already am completely innocent!

I think the walking in the park as a lone man might be similar - you know you're not a person dangerous to children, but you know that people like that do exist, and you know that people around you are therefore to some extent alert to that possibility, so you worry that you will set off their 'paedophile' detectors even though you're completely innocent.

If there were no shoplifters, and no predatory adults, there would be no issue - they are at fault here. Because sometimes society/people/shops/parents have to be alert to the possibility of both of those, that makes the rest of us feel scrutinised and self-conscious even though we're completely innocent. I don't think we can really avoid that completely though, without shutting down all our danger sensors totally, which would be going too far the other way.

Maybe I should compass too!

Oh Christ, the shorts aren't camo are they? Are the walks he takes near a mountain? A haunted mountain?

I don't think we should be in too much despair about 'society.' Instead we should be mindful of the fact we're going through a period of adjustment post the Saville affair. I know for a fact there are sexual abuse offences going through the criminal justice system with complainants who've made numerous complaints over the past few decades that have been unneeded, but these complainants are now seeing their attackers convicted.
Men had it all their own way for a long time and were never disbelieved when it came to sex crimes. Now we live in world were the first instinct is to say to the victim we believe you. Men are bound to be moderating their behaviour even if that means doing simple things like being aware of being on their own in a public place where children are present. I don't like the mindless finger pointing at men who don't deserve it and I sincerely hope we all settle into a mindset that serves everybody fairly.

Maybe she should cross over the road?

Well, yes. This is what I do if I'm feeling uneasy. It's a lot simpler than self-checking for paranoia, turning round on some pretext to look my follower in the face, and all the other shizz I might do :)