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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not trust this 'helpful' stranger in the mountains?

347 replies

SummerOfLadybirds · 14/04/2015 17:08

I've fallen out with a close friend and want to know who was BU.
We went camping in Lake District recently. We're experienced hikers so had all correct gear, provisions, torches, map, compass etc. We planned to stay in proper campsites as my friend hates wild camping. On 2nd day decided to leave marked routes as felt confident we could navigate. (The paths are too busy in good weather, we both wanted to hike in wilderness). At first it was fine, we went high up and didn't see anyone for hours. To cut a long story short we then lost the compass, got disorientated and got lost!! My friend started freaking out and worrying we'd have to camp in mountains if we couldn't find way down. I said that was fine, we had tent, food, clothes etc, we could set up camp and find way down in morning but she said she wanted a shower and a proper loo (and was scared of 'ghosts'!) I said its too dangerous to try and descend once its dark, she got in a massive strop.

Meanwhile for a couple of hours, despite seeing nobody all day, we'd both noticed a man in camouflage gear popping up in different places nearby. Once he was in front of us, once he was chilling by a rock, another time he was behind us. He didn't acknowledge us but he wasn't that close. We assumed he was just enjoying nature, going in same direction as us.

When the light began to fade, my friend got really scared and insisted we keep walking and suddenly we almost bumped into this man as we came around a boulder!! He said hi and asked where we were going, my friend started to blurt out we were lost, but I didn't want to seem vulnerable so I cut in and said 'we're not really lost' and made out she was joking. He was friendly but something didn't feel quite right and I felt we WERE vulnerable, 2 petite women and this guy (he was very tall and muscular, had a big army-style rucksack and just seemed a bit 'odd'). He offered to guide us down but I was worried he might lead us somewhere even more remote, so I told him thanks but we didn't need his help and was very assertive in not wanting to walk with him.
We carried on, I was freaked out now because of the man, and my friend was petrified of being on mountain in night and not speaking to me because i'd refused his help.
Anyway we did make it off the mountain (in the dark) and finally got to a campsite at 2am.

My friend is still furious that I wouldn't let this man help us. I still think he could have done anything to us, like leading us further off-route in the dark and raping us.

OP posts:
Satsumafairy · 14/04/2015 21:03

I'm finding this infuriating. Op is unnerved by a man offering help but she shouldn't have been she should have thought "people don't get attacked on mountains and never by strangers and most of all I don't want to appear rude!" Fgs, if someone is wrong about a person in that situation the worst that happens is the man is offended, if they are right however the consequences are much worse. I know people who have been raped by strangers in what would seem innocuous settings. Both men appeared pleasant and helpful at the outset which is why neither woman wanted to offend them by walking away, even though they felt unsettled.

BackOnPlanetEarth · 14/04/2015 21:05

If he was the bogey man and if he did want to murder you I don't think he would have cared if you were lost or not. Wouldn't he have just murdered you anyway seeing as the light was fading and you were in a secluded spot anyway and hadn't seen anyone for hours Confused

Sazzle41 · 14/04/2015 21:06

Actually there is a famous recent US case of two experienced hikers, german women, who went off the main hiking paths on a mountain, set up camp and were murdered. No suspect found/apprehended.

I think you were at risk going off main paths tbh and why go off main route anyway? Did you have mobiles and advise anyone you were off the main track/was there mobile reception? If so i would say to the man yes, plse help and just let me text a friend that we have help and will see them soon. If no decent mobile reception while walking Did you tell anyone else before you set off you were planning to go off the main paths and give estimate ETA back ? I'd be v unhappy if i was your friend re being in middle of nowhere in dark either.

Italiangreyhound · 14/04/2015 21:11

I think you did the right thing in not trusting this man but I think it was a bit crazy to get lost on the mountain.

It sounds like you were totally correct to be scared (both of you) but rather than turn on each other I think it is better to make up and just plan any future trips better.

Well done for getting off the mountain!

nocoolnamesleft · 14/04/2015 21:12

Please can I suggest you stay away from the Lakeland fells. The local mountain rescue teams are forever being called out to people who came underprepared, underequipped, and underskilled, then ended up in significant trouble. And the local hospitals have more than enough to do as it is. Once you're lost on a fell, you're a hell of a lot more likely to get significantly injured pratting around in the dark, rather than attacked by someone pretending to be helpful. You had camping gear? Then you had absolutely zero excuse for roaming in the dark, as that was the most dangerous option of the lot. Sure, depending on cloudcover, it's pretty easy to pick out which direction you're facing after dark (on the country roads, Venus bright in the evening western sky has recently been way more use than satnav) but the light is not good enough. I'm really glad you didn't break anything vital, or get hypothermia, but that's luck not judgement.

The Lakeland fells are stunningly beautiful, but please treat them with respect.

Norfolkandchance1234 · 14/04/2015 21:21

Tbh I think he was keeping an eye on you both knowing you were lost.

However we weren't there and only you can gauge the vibe you got from him in your anxious state.

Neither of you were wrong in this instance, your friend wanted someone to help you both, whilst you didn't want to be attacked by a stranger. You could have died of hyperthermia though.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 14/04/2015 21:23

Thing is, if he was a cammo-wearing, rucksack wielding rapist/murderer, why would your assertive refusal of help have put him off?

He could have easily tracked you until it got properly dark. Most murderers aren't put off by a 'no thanks, we're fine ta.'

Although, I regularly say 'trust your gut instinct'. What I think happened here was you were both in such a tizzy, your adrenaline was up and you weren't making very good decisions, which happens all the time in that kind of situation.

PuppyMonkey · 14/04/2015 21:24

I'm wondering if the op has got lost again - where is she? Grin

FarFromAnyRoad · 14/04/2015 21:27

Was wondering the same Puppy Grin - got apprehended by a ghost in her back yard perhaps? Or lost on the way to the bathroom?

CapnMurica · 14/04/2015 21:31

Your first mistake was going camping with someone so stupid and clueless and unwilling to be sensible.

ghost?
Unable to deal with not having a loo one night?

She sounds like quite a weight to have been dealing with all day. Find better camping friends.

^^ yeah, this.

MsMarvel · 14/04/2015 21:31

This reads like one of those spoof threads, where it's actually the plot of a tv show or film, but I can't work out what it would be a spoof of...

It doesn't sound like the archers, which is unusual for mumsnet...

WipsGlitter · 14/04/2015 21:31

This thread is making me laugh!

Momagain1 · 14/04/2015 21:32

Yes, Lonny. he already knew they were clueless, and they were already in an isolated space at sundown, and he obviously knew his way around better than them. Where is the logic in walking away from him? If he were a rapist or murderer, he already had them where he needed them.

If he was a kindly, if nutty, local, I wouldnt be surprised if he was shadowing them after that anyway. Which would have been helpful if they had fallen, as he could then report it.

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 14/04/2015 21:34

So he didn't attack you when you were alone on the mountainside, but you were scared he was going to attack you when exactly?

PlantCurtain · 14/04/2015 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon · 14/04/2015 21:45

Your first mistake was going camping with someone so stupid and clueless and unwilling to be sensible.

Oh come on, the OP was equally stupid and clueless given the lack of preparation. TBH, they sound well matched.

TheChandler · 14/04/2015 21:45

MsMarvel This reads like one of those spoof threads, where it's actually the plot of a tv show or film, but I can't work out what it would be a spoof of...

This is mean, but I have an image of David Walliams and Matt Lucas, wandering about a mountainside with all the gear (and no idea), dressed as laydees, talking about how petite they are, and running away from an off duty mountain rescue member.

OttiliaVonBCup · 14/04/2015 21:47

I read a book like this once.
they all got horribly killed.

Was he whistling Strangers In The Night?

SoupDragon · 14/04/2015 22:11

Perhaps the Strange Man was the ghost of a hiker, doomed to roam forever more because he failed to save two petite ladies 95 years ago...

winterland · 14/04/2015 22:14

Your friend sounds like a royal pain in the arse. yanbu.

boardgames · 14/04/2015 22:14

I think posters are being a bit harsh (but mildly amusing).

I've spent some nights under canvas outside in the wild and sometimes the visibility remains surprisingly good throughout the night so may be getting down to the campsite wasn't such a bad idea given the circumstances - it depends on the weather conditions and local geology.

I also understand the crazy ghost thing. Though I'm normally a rational person, I was anxious about the rustling sounds of the grass in the wind, wondering if there was an escaped puma on the fells! In the light of day this is ridiculous but when you are out in the wild at night things seem different.

So to answer, neither of you were unreasonable, each had different anxieties.

FujimotosElixir · 14/04/2015 22:16

Oh god another tall, big =scary post ...

MrsTedCrilly · 14/04/2015 22:19

YWNBU! I've just finished reading Bill Bryson's 'A walk in the woods' and he references loads of murders involving hikers. I'm sure he was just being kind, and you were polite and thankful so no insult caused.. but like you I would have camped.

AnyRailway · 14/04/2015 22:29

OP if you are still reading this, please get hold of a book called "The Gift of Fear " by Gavin De Becker.

You were there, and only you know what sort of a vibe you were getting from that bloke. I'm really glad you made it down the mountain okay.

peggyundercrackers · 14/04/2015 22:41

I think he realised you were lost and thought he would keep an eye on you from a distance to make sure you weren't totally out of your depth. You sound a bit hysterical about a stranger on the side of a mountain.