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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not trust this 'helpful' stranger in the mountains?

347 replies

SummerOfLadybirds · 14/04/2015 17:08

I've fallen out with a close friend and want to know who was BU.
We went camping in Lake District recently. We're experienced hikers so had all correct gear, provisions, torches, map, compass etc. We planned to stay in proper campsites as my friend hates wild camping. On 2nd day decided to leave marked routes as felt confident we could navigate. (The paths are too busy in good weather, we both wanted to hike in wilderness). At first it was fine, we went high up and didn't see anyone for hours. To cut a long story short we then lost the compass, got disorientated and got lost!! My friend started freaking out and worrying we'd have to camp in mountains if we couldn't find way down. I said that was fine, we had tent, food, clothes etc, we could set up camp and find way down in morning but she said she wanted a shower and a proper loo (and was scared of 'ghosts'!) I said its too dangerous to try and descend once its dark, she got in a massive strop.

Meanwhile for a couple of hours, despite seeing nobody all day, we'd both noticed a man in camouflage gear popping up in different places nearby. Once he was in front of us, once he was chilling by a rock, another time he was behind us. He didn't acknowledge us but he wasn't that close. We assumed he was just enjoying nature, going in same direction as us.

When the light began to fade, my friend got really scared and insisted we keep walking and suddenly we almost bumped into this man as we came around a boulder!! He said hi and asked where we were going, my friend started to blurt out we were lost, but I didn't want to seem vulnerable so I cut in and said 'we're not really lost' and made out she was joking. He was friendly but something didn't feel quite right and I felt we WERE vulnerable, 2 petite women and this guy (he was very tall and muscular, had a big army-style rucksack and just seemed a bit 'odd'). He offered to guide us down but I was worried he might lead us somewhere even more remote, so I told him thanks but we didn't need his help and was very assertive in not wanting to walk with him.
We carried on, I was freaked out now because of the man, and my friend was petrified of being on mountain in night and not speaking to me because i'd refused his help.
Anyway we did make it off the mountain (in the dark) and finally got to a campsite at 2am.

My friend is still furious that I wouldn't let this man help us. I still think he could have done anything to us, like leading us further off-route in the dark and raping us.

OP posts:

TwoOddSocks · 14/04/2015 18:53

I doubt that he intended to hurt you since he could have done so just as easily where he was since you were already in the middle of nowhere. That said you both had valid fears so while I can understand her feeling irritated at the time while she was scared she's being OTT to remain annoyed now.

FarFromAnyRoad · 14/04/2015 18:55

This has got a fishy smell about it. You 'lost' your only compass? That's a kind of important factor in this tall tale - yet you don't tell us how you lost it, who lost it, why the other person didn't have one.....It just doesn't add up.
The pair of you sound like you'd be better off camping in your Gran's garden in future to be honest.

AnyFucker · 14/04/2015 18:55

how much actual "popping up from behind boulders" and "chilling next to rocks" did he do ?

LynetteScavo · 14/04/2015 18:57

This is really bizarre....the man offered to guide you down, you declined the left him behind?! What was he doing? If evening was drawing in surely he was going down anyway, unless he was some sort of modern day mountain hermit?

I usually say trust your gut feeling, which you did....so did your friend though. Persnally I would have trusted the man, and generally I don't trust people.

If he'd wanted to rape and murder you I think he would have just done it there and then next to the boulder.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 14/04/2015 18:58

...he wanted to say to them, not only am I not a threat, I make you safer because I would come to your rescue if anyone else attacked you as we walk. But of course he couldn't. That would have understandably freaked them out!

I understand that. We live just next to some fairly extensive woodland that is used for all kinds of things, but there's patches of it which are quiet and dense.

Twice when I've cut through there with little DC, I've clocked the same man walking his dog, and each time he's seen me, he has cut a distance away, suddenly made a 'phone call, in a loud and cheery voice and avoided looking at me, but in a friendly way, somehow. I honestly think he's wary of appearing in the least bit threatening, and does these little things to make 'the lone woman' feel reassured, in case I needed it.

All of which obviously will piss some people off, but I actually think he's trying to be thoughtful in a non-creepy way.

Or he's just trying to avoid me

Runningupthathill82 · 14/04/2015 18:58

Where in the heck in the Lakes were you that you were that lost?! Sounds bizarre, especially as you claim you're experienced walkers.
You'd struggle to be more than an hour's walk from a pub, wherever you were.

DixieNormas · 14/04/2015 18:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LynetteScavo · 14/04/2015 19:00

And no way could you have up camp knowing this possible rapist was out there...watching your tent in the dark...knowing no one wound hear your screams........

DixieNormas · 14/04/2015 19:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lweji · 14/04/2015 19:03

I think your worst error of judgement was going camping with someone who got hysterical about not having a proper toilet, a shower and is afraid of ghosts.

This. :)

If he wanted to harm you, he'd have done it there and then in the middle of nowhere in the dark.

Lweji · 14/04/2015 19:03

Also, maybe it wasn't a man, but triplets in identical clothes.

Rivercam · 14/04/2015 19:04

I think you were right to trust your instincts.

However, for the sake of your friendship, you need to agree to differ.

Lweji · 14/04/2015 19:09

Did "he" look like this?

I hear that they have been abroad. Scotland?

to not trust this 'helpful' stranger in the mountains?

HirplesWithHaggis · 14/04/2015 19:11

It's many long years since I went hillwalking, but In My Day it was recommended that you told someone roughly where you were going, and when you intended to get back; in this case, maybe someone at the campground you planned to stay in. Then, if you're very late, Mountain Rescue can be alerted. Looks like these experienced hikers didn't do that, either.

Patapouf · 14/04/2015 19:36

Not every man wants to rape you, but I would have erred on the side of caution and declined help too.
Your friend is being unreasonable to still be thinking about it, move on!

capercaillie · 14/04/2015 19:44

Think you need a navigation course. There is some tricky navigation in the Lake District, particularly if you're not on the major paths. Losing the compass is unfortunate but you should be able to navigate well without one.

And I would have trusted him. The chances are you were doing a similar route. It's common to bump into the same people all day. That happened to me last year when walking on the Fairfield horseshoe by myself. There was one bloke who was exactly the same pace so we kept seeing each other. We made a joke out of it in the end.

Ragwort · 14/04/2015 19:46

You sound totally unreasonable, the chance of him attacking you both on a mountain is very, very low - much less than the possibility of you both getting totally lost. How can you 'lose' a compass when out hiking, didn't you have a spare? .

I feel genuinely sorry for men, they offer to help and are considered axe murderers or rapists.

EatingMyWords · 14/04/2015 19:47

If I wanted to murder or rape someone I'd hang around in a city or town where there's lots of people to target rather than randomly wander around remote hillsides on the off chance someone will appear!

This is real life not a cosy murder mystery novel.

Ragwort · 14/04/2015 19:47

It's not exactly like sniffily saying 'no thank you' if a man opens a door for you is it. .

I can't believe anyone would have declined help in that situation.

StopShoutingAtYourBrother · 14/04/2015 19:55

I was told by various self defence classes that you should always trust your instincts. Even if you can't work out what's wrong, and logically things should be ok, if your gut is telling you something isn't right, then chances are it isn't right and your subconscious is picking up on it.

emwithme · 14/04/2015 20:17

Apart from the fact that he's not currently in the Lake District, that sounds like the kind of thing my DH would do...he's a very keen "bushcrafter" (for want of a better word), likes nothing more than a good yomp around somewhere off the beaten track and tends to wear camouflage stuff/use army surplus (or not-so-surplus now he's an Adult Instructor with the Army Cadets) as it's decent stuff, if you know what you're after.

He would offer to help those in need (and then roll his eyes at (a) the only having one compass...there's two in our CAR survival kit and (b) the whole "all the gear and no idea") whenever he could - because he's a decent bloke. If he knew that someone out on a mountain didn't have a compass, he would give them one of his spares (leaving him with only two) and make sure they knew where they were and how to get where they were wanting to go. He wouldn't think about harming you...because most people don't. Most people are killed/maimed/raped/whatevered by someone they know.

However, you (collectively) were totally stupid to go out, unprepared for whatever happened - one compass is NOT enough, and not agreeing your "backup" plan (ie if we get lost/it gets dark, we camp where we are and start again at first light vs we head downwards to wherever we end up). If your friend wasn't willing to do "wilderness" camping, you should've stuck to the trails/paths/marked areas and not gone into the wilderness.

TheChandler · 14/04/2015 20:25

YABU. You lost me at your being "petite" and the ghosts. I fail to see what extra harm, if he were that way intended, he could have done to you by leading you down the mountain and your being lost and refusing to speak to him.

Mind you, you are both clearly very hardy to have gone camping "recently" - early April or just coming out winter.

Sounds more like something out of a little Britain sketch.

BlinkAndMiss · 14/04/2015 20:25

YWNU, always trust your instincts. I'm not sure why your friend was worried about ghosts when the real threats are those which are actually real. Your friend sounds hysterical.

There is no way I'd have trusted some stranger in the middle of nowhere that knew I was lost. Hysterical or not. I'd have done exactly what you suggested.

007JamesBond · 14/04/2015 20:38

This is total BS - why did you bother taking a tent, food etc with you if you weren't prepared to use it.

LadyFairfaxSake · 14/04/2015 20:49

Ywbu for losing your compass, as experienced hikers you should have fastened it to your belt with a bit of cord.
The man was probably a member of the Army Reserve, training for an arduous course, not the Lakeland bogeyman...

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