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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Yes IABU but the love of my life is getting married to someone else

244 replies

ThereHeGoes · 14/04/2015 15:13

I've always been in love with a man who I met 7 years ago. Although we are not close we have many mutual friends and I've always thought we'd by some stroke of magic end up together.
Yesterday during conversation one of my close friends who happens to be one of his best friends asked me if I was going to be in the city the wedding is taking place in as he's going to be there for the wedding and thought maybe we could meet up. I had no idea that he was seeing someone let alone getting married but it's now time to give up the dream. He should have married me

OP posts:
squoosh · 14/04/2015 15:15

Unrequited love really is the pits.

zfactor · 14/04/2015 15:17

'unrequited love' = juvenile infatuation.

squoosh · 14/04/2015 15:18

Whatever you call it it still feels crap.

Bicarb · 14/04/2015 15:18

Did you tell him how you felt?

If not, YABU. Love doesn't happen by magic, no matter what films may tell you.

PoppyBlossom · 14/04/2015 15:19

Has anything ever happened between you? Have you ever made any moves towards him?

MonstrousRatbag · 14/04/2015 15:19

I'm curious, what has stopped you having a relationship with this man over the last 7 years? It sounds as though you've always accepted you wouldn't be together. If that's right, then why?

Middlerose · 14/04/2015 15:19

I'm sorry to hear that!

If you really love him, then you'll be happy for him.

FWIW, I don't believe in soul mates.

Gunpowder · 14/04/2015 15:21

Oh I'm so sorry. Sad That sucks. There might be someone out there who is even better for you. I hope so. Doesn't stop it being shit though.

dangerrabbit · 14/04/2015 15:21

There'll be someone else for you who will require your love Flowers

ElectraCute · 14/04/2015 15:24

That sucks. Sorry you're feeling crappy.

But you say yourself you're not even close to this chap so, really, you have no idea what he's really like, and certainly no idea whether a relationship would've ever worked out between you two.

It's a fantasy, not love. Time to get real (and I mean that in the nicest possible way Flowers)

workadurka · 14/04/2015 15:29

The good news is he's not the love of your life. As you were never in love. This is the opportunity to move onwards and upwards.

Ratfinkandbobo · 14/04/2015 15:31

Bless you that's tough. you never know you might meet the love of your life at the weddingGrin

TedAndLola · 14/04/2015 15:41

I'm sorry OP, and also sorry you've had a couple of rude replies. Sad

I recently found out someone I had a secret crush on in college is married and, even though I would never have described her as the love of my life AND I'm also happily married now, I felt very sad and disconcerted when I found out. Now that I'm over the shock I'm happy for her, and I think what I was really sad about was that she meant a lot to me and now we're so far apart I didn't even know she was with someone.

I hope you feel better soon. Flowers

Original poster
ThereHeGoes · 14/04/2015 15:43

Well he knew that I liked him 7 years ago but when we were both single but at the time I guess he just wasn't that interested as he did text me but it was in a very uncommital / causal style.
Around 4 years ago I moved to 'his' city for work but we missed each other as I was seeing someone and he was single. When I then became single, it transpired he was seeing someone (he didn't tell me but I found out through mutual friends). Last year I moved back to my city for work but have been perhaps delusional in thinking we'd reconnect somehow. Our relationship just extends as far as wishing each other a happy new year etc so I know absolutely nothing about his personal life.

Agree about fantasy but I've been through the mill as far as relationships are concerned and just thought he ticked absolutely every box and always seemed kind if a bit aloof. His future wife also appears to be lovely. Damn.

OP posts:
UncertainSmile · 14/04/2015 15:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
ThereHeGoes · 14/04/2015 15:47

I'm not invited to the wedding bobo. As I say, it came as total shock through the conversation I had with my friend about maybe meeting up in the city I used to live in, the city the wedding is taking place.

Please ignore rogue *but in the first sentence. When we were both single 7 years ago he wasn't that interested, despite knowing I was.

OP posts:
TheIronGnome · 14/04/2015 15:48

That totally totally sucks, I have a similar situation. He's getting married this year but you never know... Maybe one day...!!

Original poster
ThereHeGoes · 14/04/2015 15:49

He's getting married this Saturday. Would it be totally unreasonable to send him a message of congratulations?

OP posts:
Mostlyjustaluker · 14/04/2015 15:51

I am sorry you feel this way but it sounds like you are in love with your imagined version of him rather than him as you don't seem to really know him. Perhaps now is the time to move on and think about real relationships.

squoosh · 14/04/2015 15:53

Don't send him a message, just toast your bad ass self on his wedding day and wish yourself a bright new future with a hot new man in it.

Ratfinkandbobo · 14/04/2015 15:56

I'm with squoosh ignore it and move on .

ElectraCute · 14/04/2015 16:12

It would be rather odd to send him a message of congratulations - especially as your 'congratulations' aren't really sincere, are they?

Honestly, you need to let it go. I know it feels rotten atm, but this man is emphatically not the 'love of your life'! Move on; there will be a great guy out there for you, one that you can actually know and love and have a real relationship with, not just wish your life away on...

McButtonwillow · 14/04/2015 16:16

No don't send him a message! I agree with electra the reason behind contacting him is not to offer genuine congratulations and IMO no good can come of contacting him. You're unlikely to get the response you want and probably end up feeling more shit.

Let it go Flowers

JemimaPuddlePop · 14/04/2015 16:17

You don't know him, have no relationship with him, no idea what's going on in his personal life and call him 'nice but aloof'.

I'm not trying to be mean (really) but he's obviously not the love of your life. He's a crush. So a tad dramatic tbh.

FluffyMcnuffy · 14/04/2015 16:19

Well if it's any consolation he's probably a dick!

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