To ask if a friend has ever abruptly cut you out?

[Homeishappiness]

My friend has and I'm sad about it.

We were good friends, saw each other a lot, had a lot in common. I moved some miles away and I saw her twice in an eight month period (fine) but she and I emailed, texted one another reasonably regularly.

She went away in January, sent me some pictures and I replied saying it looked beautiful.

Have heard nothing since - texts and emails have been ignored (I know she's safe as she owns a small business and that's running well.)

Has anyone else just suddenly never heard from someone again?

Hmm, interestingly, I did 'lose' some supposed friends also around the time of the referendum, although only in part because of disagreements about that. Probably not the person who posted earlier, I hope, but a group of people I met through a group, plus an additional friend of one of them. I'd been, I think, fairly nice to them over a few years, babysitting for one until her son became a teenager, helping, giving lifts/loaning car, etc, but had increasingly become fed up with lack of reciprocity (not once did any of them babysit for me, although I was the only one who was a single parent and had much less support than any of them, nor did they offer any other support, emotional or practical, really). They were also all very, very gobby, and would be pretty thoughtless about including people who were less loud in conversation- to the point that one of them told me that they'd all discussed 'how lucky I was not to have lost a close relative and so not have inherited anything' (most of them lived off richer partners or inheritances for at least their housing costs)- if they'd ever thought to ask, they'd have known my (slightly estranged but still) father died when I was in my early 20s...

Final straw was that I got a job which required me to move from the area, and invited all of them (plus other people of course) to a goodbye party- most of them didn't reply, but one said she was coming, but then on the day posted on facebook about meeting up with other friends (did not at any point tell me she was not coming after saying she was). The rest just ignored everything. I quite frankly could not be arsed and posted something online a while later about how I was going to vote to piss off the arrogant lot on their side in the referendum debate. Then blocked them all. They lost

So yeah, I suppose they might see it as being political. I see it as them having been insufferably shite non-friends and users who were a waste of my emotional energy. Two sides and all that. I would do the same again, only because there is no point in trying to explain to that kind of person why it is you don't want to be in contact with them, because they are so self-centred they will never change anyway. I'm sure this is not true of all cases, but I wonder really how people can not realise why others may end friendships.

I wonder really how people can not realise why others may end friendships
Well Woodlice we really haven't got a clue.We didn't do anything to upset them,we didn't fall out or have a row,we supported them through a hell of a lot of crap and actually did more for them than they ever did for us. But when the chips were down and we needed a bit of support, they backed off completely. If we went out of the front door at the same time, they would either quickly go back in the house or drive off quickly in the car without even speaking. it still puzzles us now.

Hooker, there was a story in the paper the other day that made me think of your NDN story. An ex had made his children accuse the new SDad of abuse and the police investigated. Although he was cleared, there was forever an investigative mark against his name in CRB which he relied on for his job, so he lost his job. they were so stressed and humiliated, they moved and didn't let anyone know why or what had happened. Not saying it was them, but wonder if they had some reason of their own that co-incided with your DH's redundancy which made them need to leave.

Yes - it has happened to me twice.

First time was a friend who owned a house in Barbados (family home) and she was planning her 30th. She was married with a young child and was part of a group of ladies - all married with kids. I was single. She planned a bash to Barbados so all it would cost me was my flight. She said right, let's sort dates as lots of friends were teachers.

So I waited to hear - then her husband put pics of her 30th birthday holiday in Barbados on fb. Without me. I was so shocked and hurt I asked her why and was told "well you are single so I didn't think you'd want to come". I was even more shocked and hurt. I never ever heard from her again. I'd babysat her kids, bought them presents, comforted her when she had struggled being at home. I was so hurt.

2nd time was more recently. One of my oldest friends starting acting v strangely and we knew she was seeing a married man. She'd keep cancelling on me so I pulled her up on it. She went crazy and completely cut me out of her life. Again I was really shocked.

We started talking again, a couple of years later but our friendship has never recovered. She's just had a baby and I've had my 3rd mc in a year. She basically ignored me her entire pregnancy. I sent a baby shower gift as couldn't cope with attending. I never got a thank you. When the baby was born, I texted and sent flowers. Not once did she ask how I was.

So whilst I haven't necessarily been physically cut out, for all intents and purposes I have.

And Christ. It really hurts

But then I admit I've stepped back a bit from another friend. Her dad died and she has wallowed in grief (which she's allowed to) I've struggled with my own grief with my babies and I couldn't cope with both.

And yes I'm ashamed. I've not cut out but I've stepped back. I had to take priority

Have found this thread incredibly interesting and very sad sometimes. I've had the situation where people whom I've met through work, once they or I had left and moved on and subsequently gone out of the area in the days before texting and internetting, have lost touch, despite me making efforts on ye olde landline, it was obvious they just couldn't be bothered maintaining the links and I just ended up stopping phoning or sending cards and notes as they weren't being reciprocated.

The most hurtful one for me was my own sister. She's 20 years older than me and we used to talk on teh phone every day and visit/meet up once or twice a month (she lives about 30 miles away from me). We had a tradition where we always visited her and her DH between Christmas and New Year to exchange presents. In December 2011 we went to see them as usual and the whole night they were both frosty, arsey and weird towards us...there was absolutely no explanation for it.

I felt a bit hurt but shrugged it off. Fast forward to February and her DD (aged 38) was in hospital and I asked my sister for ward details so I could go and visit. She replied "oh, she's not up to seeing people", fair enough but I knew she had been receiving LOADS of visitors, and I'm her aunt so felt a bit narked at the "people" remark. I texted DNeice and asked how she felt about me popping in for a visit and she replied she would love to see me. I went along and my other neice was there (they are twins) and she was clearly furious at me turning up and told me to leave!

Sister went radio silent for about 4 weeks and then sent a horrible PA note to my house saying I was volatile and she was afraid of me. There was NO explanation for any of this weird behaviour. I was totally baffled and very hurt by it. I decided to take a step back and not get in touch, fast forward another few weeks and sister starts phoning and textting me like none of this had ever happened but I was too hurt and angry by this time and have been polite but have not engaged with her.

Nearly 4 years on we barely communicate and to this day I have NO idea what started it all off!

finnbarrcar Do you think your bil is responsible for engineering the 'feud' between you and your sister? I often find that some insecure partners/in-laws cause trouble purely because they are jealous of a good relationship.

last I know he had annoyed a lot of people in the street-he was a very pushy bloke and tended to 'muscle in' on people a bit. He landed a very good job with the water company about a year before they left-his wife also had a very good job- and we think they just got above themselves, decided that we-and the area-didn't meet their standards anymore. Their facebook status -just before they unfriended us-was 'moving on to new beginnings'

A couple of years ago DP and I had a ceremony to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary, it was kind of the wedding we should have had as adults.

One of my best friends of nearly 10 years was a 'bridesmaid'.

I knew she was having issues, she didn't like the dress, (she was bigger than the other 'BM's) and was very vocal about how awful she thought it was.
She dissepeared for a couple of months before the do', which was not uncommon of her when avoiding an issue, but she reappears a month before claiming her phone had been broken.

She only collected her dress the day before and made a huge fuss because it was much too small and there was no time to alter it, the seamstress did a quick fix but it didn't look great at the back, which made her even more unhappy with it.

On the day she seemed fine in the morning, but things soon turned sour, for some reason she went in a sulk refused to participate and ran off when the ceremony started.
She refused to come back to the do and was apparently crying in a side room for hours refusing to talk to anyone, she missed the meal and left strangers to look after her 7 & 3 yr olds all day (she only knew a couple of the other guests so most of the people helping look after them were strangers).

Sometime in the evening my best friend had enough of her weird behaviour and went to tell her to come and sort herself out and come see her DCs, some words were said and she grabbed her DCs and left.

A few hours later, by this point it was quite late at night, she suddenly reappears with her DCs in a totally different outfit.
She sheapished came over to apologise and got very upset, I told her to forget about it and enjoy herself and for the rest of the night she seemed to.

The next day she left early and sent me a very long email apologising for letting me down and for everything, she said she would explain it all later.

That was the last time I heard from her.

She abandoned her Facebook account (I'm not on there but mutual friends say she hasn't been on there since that night)
She didnt reply to texts, emails or calls.
I contacted her family and mutual friends, most MFs haven't heard from her since either.
She has basically vanished.
I tried for months to get in contact but heard nothing so have up.

Honesty I'm sad and angry about it.
I have no idea what happened at the do, but I can't believe whatever it was could be bad enough to cause her to throw away nearly a ten year friendship over it.
I also desperately miss her DCs, I am their godmother but I was more like an aunt to them, DS loved them too.
It really breaks my heart to think I will never see them grow up.

I miss her so much, I still feel a huge gap in my life without her in it.
I know she must feel the same she always used to say how she could never imagine us not being friends.
I just don't understand why she would disappear like she did.
It just makes no sense.

Have really cried reading this thread.

Friendships can wax and wane, but to suddenly be cut out of someone's life can be devastating. My closest friend, the warmest person I'd ever known, and my son's godmother...dropped me the moment my son was diagnosed with autism. She didn't reply to any texts etc and culled me from Facebook. She knew I'd just found out I was pregnant too.

Her cruelty has had such an impact on my life. I will never get close to any friend again as if someone I would have trusted with my life can behave like that then I can't trust anyone. It was a savage, savage act, which I can say hand on heart caused me more pain than the autism diagnosis.

I would do anything to avoid that level of pain again, including never making another friend. I do think of her less now but sometimes wonder if she ever thinks of me/ us and feels any guilt at all.

I strongly suspect the answer is no, especially after hearing she was recently crowing on FB about being a proud godmother for the first time. I assume she was keen to erase her first, defective godchild...

Caught up with this thread tonight and cried my eyes out at some of the truly mean and nasty storie I've read. I still miss my friend and then I feel angry at myself for missing someone who made me feel worthless. Just can't help but wonder why was it that I was so easy to cast aside?

This thread has made me really sad too. I suspect a lot of my friends are trying to cut me out as I only see them when I initiate contact

Reading this thread I can understand why so many of you have been cut out, rarely have I seen so many drama llamas with your heads up your arses as you lot, you deserve it.

Beitou - have reported your pointless trolling. Just ignore it, folks. Deliberate needling.

I was close to a female work colleague, when working in a particularly male dominated environment. Got on really well with her, I stayed with her and her boyfriend when I was between flats (we worked in the City of London).

Another woman started after about a year, and everything changed. When I had my leaving do, I asked her what I'd done wrong, and her answer stays with me over 10 years later - 'If you don't know, then I'm not going to tell you'.

I still have absolutely no idea what I did to piss the pair of them off so much.

What a horrible thing to say beitou. There are some very sad stories here.
pastizzi

Yes my best friend all through high school cut me off. We were really close but drifted apart when we left school and she moved away for uni. Eventually we lost contact but I got back in touch and we exchanged texts. I asked if she would meet up for coffee and a chat when she was next in town but whenever it came to it she always had an excuse. Eventually I got fed up with it and told her that she wasn't a true friend if she couldn't be arsed to ever see me. I admit I took it a bit far and made a comment about her mum who I suspected had discouraged her from seeing me in favour of doing revision and focusing on her course.

She blocked me from facebook and I never heard from her again. I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised but I really thought it would all boil over. I had been struggling with severe depression at the time and was going through some difficult situations in my life. I felt hurt that my best friend wasn't there for me and lashed out. The outcome was a decade or so of friendship down the drain. Hard lesson to learn.

What hurts even more is that I know she is on mumsnet and has posted on a thread on here about the end of our friendship. She made me out to be a complete nutjob and said how she was scared that I was going to go knocking on her door and she was nervous in case she bumped into me in town. I have never been violent in my life and didn't make threats of any kind. I feel a bit sad that she would think of me in that way and wonder whether she meant it or if she said it because she thought it would make a good read.

Yes best friend of 25 years.

To this day I still don't know why and am still I incredibly sad about it

Crikey some of these are REALLY awful.

Sock that is one case where I think I would need to know. Did you ask her?

I can't. I'm scared to know. It's like a sudden bereavement though without answers

My other best friend. ... of 18 years regularly trys to cheer me up But us as baffled as me. :-/