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Original poster

To ask if a friend has ever abruptly cut you out?

220 replies

Homeishappiness · 13/04/2015 12:57

My friend has and I'm sad about it.

We were good friends, saw each other a lot, had a lot in common. I moved some miles away and I saw her twice in an eight month period (fine) but she and I emailed, texted one another reasonably regularly.

She went away in January, sent me some pictures and I replied saying it looked beautiful.

Have heard nothing since - texts and emails have been ignored (I know she's safe as she owns a small business and that's running well.)

Has anyone else just suddenly never heard from someone again?

OP posts:
TyrannosaurusBex · 13/04/2015 19:52

I cut off a male friend very abruptly when he told me he would look at child pornography if he had access to it, in order to 'satisfy a natural curiosity'. I told him the conversation was a dealbreaker for me so he knew why I dropped him.

WilburIsSomePig · 13/04/2015 19:59

Its incredibly cruel to cut someone off without even telling them why. Some of these stories are really awful. ??

TooSpotty · 13/04/2015 20:20

For my own part I would say however painful being told about your real or imaginary failings, it does give you a baseline. Since last summer I have been very antisocial as I'm scared of committing the same 'crimes' again, so my surviving friendships are suffering too, and I'm nervous to get to know new people. It's made me quite lonely, and very dependent on DH.

Poppy84b · 13/04/2015 20:23

I hear you toospotty. I'm so lonely, scared to try and make friends at work and scared I might be annoying my existing friends. I can't help but wonder why I was so easy to cast aside.

TooSpotty · 13/04/2015 20:23

Oh, Poppy, you poor thing.

Poppy84b · 13/04/2015 20:31

homeishappiness sorry OP, totally hijacked your thread. Do you and your friend have any mutual friends that can offer any insight?

fiftyshadesofgrot · 13/04/2015 20:33

Yes. In fact this has happened often in the past that I have virtually become a recluse. At times is happens right away, sometimes after a year of knowing a friend or longer. I truly have NO clue as to why I get ditched so often. Im none the wiser as nobody has ever told me why so I can't change what ever it is that Im doing 'wrong'.

It makes so sad and at the age of 41 I have about no friends left. It hurts so much that Im in tears about it now. . .

Poppy84b · 13/04/2015 20:36

fiftyshadesofgrot sending a virtual hug - we're here for you xxx

AlmaMartyr · 13/04/2015 20:36

TooSpotty - sympathies, I went through something very similar last year too. It is horrible isn't it? My DCs lost their friends too since we were all part of a group. It had been a horribly tough year for me and it totally destroyed me in the end. In my case, I knew friends were withdrawing and excluding me. I ended up doing the cutting off after one of them told me I needed to find new friends who wanted to hang out with me. I had nervous breakdown and just walked away from the group. Had already been totally excluded though, and they know why.

I'm quite socially anxious anyway but it has made it so much worse. We live in a small town too and I'm very wary of everyone because I don't know who's been told what. Tbh, I wish some of them had kept their mouths shut because one person did decide to "explain" some of my faults to me and it left me feeling awful. I have lots of lovely friends that I've known for ages so I cling on to that.

Justusemyname · 13/04/2015 20:38

I've been dropped by a few people, not all proper friends. One sneered about my husband and then cancelled a meet up as she'd just found out her hay and had been cheating in her whe pregnant. Never. Allied me agin, ignored a FB message I sent. Not fussed as had grown apart.

Another dropped me because I tried to stand up for her but it back fired.

A few stopped talking to me whe I got ill.

Now I feel pretty alone in the world and want out tbh.

Poppy84b · 13/04/2015 20:40

justusemyname I'm sorry you feel like this. You have our support xx

fiftyshadesofgrot · 13/04/2015 20:51

Poppy thanks for the hug X It stinks when you get tossed away doesnt it OP and everyone else?

justusemyname - sorry you feel the same too X

Justusemyname · 13/04/2015 20:52

Thank you.

KenDoddsDadsDog · 13/04/2015 20:59

Been at both ends. One was a very close school friend , she applied to the same uni as me a year below. She totally cut me off without explanation , was weird when I did come across her.
I had to cut off my alcoholic and narc best friend of 40 years. She was becoming a liability , including drink driving and giving the police my name. I'm better off without her.

FarFromAnyRoad · 13/04/2015 21:07

This is both interesting and rather upsetting - so many of you hurt by what is really terribly selfish action. I was ditched once back in my late teens by a really best mate - just one day she wouldn't take my calls, avoided me at work - all the usual stuff. 35 years later I found her on FB - and she ignored my friend request! That taught me a lesson Grin. Recently I was dumped by a serial dumper of friends - but I only found that out too late. She was also a professional 'Wendy'. I thought we'd be friends forever but I got that one very wrong.

bottleofbeer · 13/04/2015 21:17

In my case, although I can never be sure as she point blank refuses to say why, I am convinced it was due to a third party shit stirring. There was no cooling off from her, if I'm honest I sometimes found it a bit tiring that she liked and commented on every little thing I did. I felt I had to reciprocate or appear rude. It was literally over night. I haven't a clue what might have been said because I never said anything about her behind her back or anything like that. But something happened to make her a block me entirely when the day before everything had been entirely normal.

Justusemyname · 13/04/2015 21:20

I find it hard to make friends and to believe anyone genuinely likes me. I know I'm hard work. I'm lonely. I have a lot of loyalty and care to give. No one wants it.

PerpendicularVincenzo · 13/04/2015 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whiteandbrownrabbit · 13/04/2015 21:26

I ad to drop someone as she was all about herself, wanted to be the best at everything, her things were always better herways were always better, she had some sort of supiority complex, she was hard work, and I stopped enjoying her company

no point in telling her that though tbh

hobNong · 13/04/2015 21:28

My best friend did this to me. And I've actually ended up losing all my friends as we were part of the same friendship group. When she stopped talking to me I felt awkward going to group things and gradually lost touch with all of them.

It's been five years and I still get upset about it from time to time. I still miss her friendship. I'm actually getting teary just typing this. I've not made new friends to replace her or the rest of the old group. I get really down about it sometimes.

I don't really know why it happened. She seemed to be going through a bit of a crisis at the time, worrying about where her life was going. My dm was also seriously ill and I was busy caring for her, the house and everything I suppose I wasn't as available. But she knew everything I had going on and she still abandoned me.Sad

Whiteandbrownrabbit · 13/04/2015 21:32

just and fifty, you both sound like lovely friends with a lot to give, you just haven't meet the right person/persons yet that's all, give it time and make chances happen xx

lastuseraccount123 · 13/04/2015 21:33

why are women so bad at this ending-friendship thing? is it because of the way we're socialized? Just seems to me there must be a better way of dealing with this issue that somehow respects both parties but allows both parties to move on with dignity intact....

comfortblanketty · 13/04/2015 21:38

Whiteandbrownrabbit I'm wondering if we dropped the same person...

bibliomania · 13/04/2015 21:47

Sorry for people's pain - but it's oddly vindicating to hear people say, yes, this really hurts. Wondering what's wrong with you, how come you're not acceptable - that can stir up some really deep stuff.

Justusemyname · 13/04/2015 21:50

Very true

I've had a tough day and this helps but also makes me feel even more alone and sad

Sometimes on here even virtual friends turn on me

It can be tough at times

I hate myself for being so pathetic.