I had a very close friendship many years ago. We met through our respective boyfriends and, when we split up from them, we became very close. It was almost like a love affair but without the sex and I considered her a true soulmate. She was in therapy (had been for years) and she often came to me in tears and I felt like I would put her back together and support her. I would have done anything for her.
Time moved on and I met a man who I have eventually married and had two DC with. At the time I was very, very careful to still see her separately as well as including her in larger group events where my partner was present. I was very conscious of not dropping her for the new man but inevitably, of course, I saw her less. She began to make excuses about seeing me and I could feel a distance opening up despite my very best efforts. Eventually when I was pregnant and bought a house with my partner I invited her over and she said she wouldn't be in the area for some time so declined (she lived four miles away). She had been kicking back on many of my invites so eventually I said to her I was there when she needed me and left the ball in her court.
She didn't contact me, even after the baby's due date came and went and I can only describe the loss of our friendship as like an arrow through my heart and it took me several years to come to terms with the fact that she had terminated our friendship.
Roll on four or five years and I randomly ran into her on a course. I now had 2DC and she had 1DC and a partner. Meeting her again out of the blue was like coming across a long lost lover and she asked to spend our lunch break together during which time she told me she had cut off contact because she was jealous of the relationship I had and the baby I was expecting - all things she wanted at the time.
We renewed our friendship, met up with the kids and went out together occasionally in the evening to catch up. However for me something had shifted: I can only think of it as getting back with a lover who has been unfaithful to you and guarding yourself against getting too close again in case they are unfaithful. I couldn't allow myself to get that close again.
She was very into alternative therapies, trying new ways of thinking and living (ideas I was not adverse to as I had trained as an alternative therapist) but she has been on a "life changing" therapeutic course and wanted me to try it. It was a residential course and about £600 at the time (about ten years ago) and I declined on the basis of too much money. she even offered to lend me the money and I declined.
The friendship once again drifted as we both worked, had children and partners and I found her demands sometimes difficult to meet. This time I think the drifting was more from my instigation and perhaps a self preservation tactic from being hurt again.
I haven't seen her now for about seven years. I wish her the very best and have some great memories but sometimes these intense friendships are a part of a particular period in your life and, when both of you move on, that friendship will be a casualty. It is a rare thing indeed to have a friend for life. I still have two friends from primary school and, included in a wide circle of friends, three or four women who I met through children and who I hope I will still be meeting up with on our zimmer frames.
This thread has really resonated with me and made me celebrate the friends I have and raise a (metaphorical) glass to the ones who were right in the moment but where we have both grown out of the friendship.
Sending out lots of support to all of you who have had some horrendous experiences at the hands of those you have most cherished.