To ask if a friend has ever abruptly cut you out?

[Homeishappiness]

My friend has and I'm sad about it.

We were good friends, saw each other a lot, had a lot in common. I moved some miles away and I saw her twice in an eight month period (fine) but she and I emailed, texted one another reasonably regularly.

She went away in January, sent me some pictures and I replied saying it looked beautiful.

Have heard nothing since - texts and emails have been ignored (I know she's safe as she owns a small business and that's running well.)

Has anyone else just suddenly never heard from someone again?

Yep. Best friend (so I thought) got a new partner, who I knew and thought was a tad dodgy. Talking to another (gobby) "friend" who knew him better than me, she told me some unsavoury things about him. I just nodded and smiled,said I wasn't keen, but her choice.Next thing friend cut me dead as I'd been slagging her bf off! Really upset me for ages (esp as friend three did head tilty thing and said, oh turtles, you really must watch what you say to people. So now I say nothing to anyone as I have no friends)

toospotty what horrible people! That's so mean and nasty, especially from a whole group and your DC has been affected

They were rather, Poppy! That's very kind of you to say. I told the full story in a corner of MN at the time under a different name, and I got really kind support there, which helped a lot.

I've been in the position where I had to basically cut off friendships with everyone all at once.

Im one of 3 sisters, all a year apart in age, and subsequently there has always been a big group of all of us and our friends. I'm also a single parent, have been for 10 years by choice. I realised that I never got invited to parties/out for dinner unless it was a something with the kids. When I pulled anyone up about it, was told that it was always 'couples' and they had to make up numbers/didn't want me to feel awkward being on my own. I never have

Last straw was one girls wedding. She invited everyone in my family except for me. She just presumed I wouldn't want to come on my own and didn't offer a +1 as she didn't want a stranger at her wedding. But would I mind babysitting a few kids as a few mutual friends guests couldn't get childcare.

I was furious. I sent a group email to everyone and said I could no longer be friends with people that were essentially shunning me.

Have since moved away and have made a great set of friends.

Oh yes- because I left my dh because I was very unhappy. She had been my best friend for years, knew I had been unhappy but didn't agree with divorce. Actually, out of all my friends since divorce I have two left! And one is flaky and the other has taken advantage of my vunerability rather a lot. But as people I've known for years, I like them around, even virtually is better than nothing.

The thing is, they both are the last people I'd have expected to stick around. The flaky one did push off during the final months before leaving as she couldn't cope with the emotion, having her own rather huge problems at the time. This was ok, her life was an even bigger car crash than mine at the time, if that could be possible.

clueing4looks what a fucking bitch. I'd have said yes to babysitting and then cancelled the night before. But that's because I'm a cow.

Haha poppy! I got the last laugh though - her new husband had an affair with her step-mum and knocked her up!

You're right shirley. It's the change in dynamics that does it. In my case my illness and the death of my closest family members... and the worst crime was sending my children to private school.

Clueing - hahaha! I don't even feel bad for laughing. Having always been in the school of 'treat people how you wish to be treated', recent events such as my twat MOH and her behaviour towards me have turned me onto the school of 'have a taste of your own medicine' when people are nasty.

I've more often ditched people. It's very rarely about them. I suffer from depression a lot and use up an immense amount of energy each day fighting the illness so I can live a normal life. I also find it intensely hard work behaving normally as long ago I decided not to be one of those depressed people who leans on others. It's not fair on them. It drains them, so I lock it in and get really reclusive. Most people I'm friends with wouldn't have much idea I get depressed (though they probably notice I get a bit odd at times) My persona is very jolly and calm, as that is how I want to be and try to be.

I did ditch my two 'best' friends on purpose though. One started using cocaine and turned from a lovely, intelligent, crazy but interesting woman into a really selfish boorish cow. The other became an alcoholic and was so abusive and aggressive when she drank. I couldn't be bothered with crazymakers after having DC. DC need so much attention, I just got tired of trying to cook for friends without children who want to monologue at you about their woes over the long term, cheating spineless git of a man they should have left years ago, and pull massive faces if you politely ask them to pause for two mins while you change a nappy, feed or put to bed a starving, exhausted child. The egotism wore me down.

My taste in friends is much stabler now. I used to love hanging out with wild, over emotional women, and though I am drawn to them, I find a little goes a long way and don't get too close these days. For some years I missed the emotional closeness I had with them, and there was no one to replace them, but very slowly I've formed deep but very calm friendships with other women. We trust each other but don't drain each other emotionally.

Yes, years ago. My best friend at uni. We were really close and spent a lot of time together –people thought we were/must be/should be an item.

TBH after we left uni and the real world of work etc started to encroach, the friendship did suffer a little, but we were still very good friends. Then I left our uni city and he stayed. He was meant to come down and visit me on the way back from visiting family somewhere nearby but didn't, and never called me or returned my calls. I eventually stopped ringing him when it sank in that he just wasn't going to respond. 'Grieved' for ages.

I've never had a friend like that, before or since, and although I think about him less now (it's over a decade ago), I still love him and miss him.

I am doing this to someone at the moment. It's hard and I feel like a bitch, but I just don't enjoy being around her any more and find her rude and 'a lot of work'. So I've been cooler towards her the times I've seen her at mutual friends' stuff over the last few months, am not really responding much to her texts / hints to come and stay.

The only other option would be to tell her outright why I don't want to be her friend any more, but I don't think she'd take it at all well and I don't want to actually hurt her. I think all things considered this way is better than the outright telling.

It's not always easy to know what to do for the best.

Finding this very interesting reading!
I've been dropped a number of times and I'm also currently trying to drop someone.
It does hurt when you get dropped but I've found it's usually because your lives are different and the things you once had in common and were your priorities aren't anymore...children come along for one, careers take off, partners etc. I now focus on my own family who are my priority and whom I value much more than friends. Can't be bothered to chase people anymore.
I have one true best friend who I adore and always will.

As for dropping one...she's made digs at my career, my lack of being there to see my dd grow up (as I work full time and she doesn't agree with that) , and she makes every conversation about her and the tough times she's had (which she has but sometimes I want my life to be the focus of the conversation!)...I come home generally upset and feel as if I get nothing from that friendship. I can't say anything though so I'm quietly going quiet. Chicken I know but when we do see each other in group situations I haven't made it awkward or personal!

Personally, I would rather be told instead of wondering what I had done wrong. It would be handy to know if I'm still doing it to other people. The not knowing still causes me a great deal of upset

It happened to me when I was at uni. I was best friends with a guy who was my absolute world (in hindsight I was totally besotted with him, but nothing ever happened. I had a boyfriend at the time). We used to spend so much time together.

Then boyfriend and I split up over the summer. I really needed support but he (friend) wasn't there for me at all. We met up a couple of times and then he just cut me out. Stopped replying to my messages, even when I asked outright what I'd done wrong. I ran into him a couple of times and he just pretty much ignored me.

We have messaged each other briefly a couple of times since, and I once saw him on a bus, but I just ignored him and pretended he wasn't there.

It was 7 years ago and I'm still none the wiser what happened (although I suspect it had something to do with his girlfriend he met around the time).

Poppy - I feel the same, but then I am hyper-aware of what other people think of me and very conscious of not wanting to be upset or annoy people. The friend of mine in question, I don't believe would EVER consider that maybe she wasn't the one in the right in any given situation. If I told her I found her rude in X-situation or that I don't like it when she says X type of thing, she'd just think I was being horrible to her rather than ever consider I might have a point.

In the slightly younger stages of our friendship I did pull her up on a few things she said/did, but it inevitably ended with me apologising to her because she'd get so upset about it. Then for years I just pandered to her for the sake of the fun side of our friendship and our history together, but now I've reached a stage where I just don't want to do that any more.

All that said, she's quite vulnerable in some ways, and I think the reasons she is like she is are very deep-set. I don't think she'll ever change, but I just can't deal with it any more. Hence why I don't want to tell her outright the reason I am trying to discontinue the friendship. Luckily she has other friends, so obviously not everyone feels about her the same way as me, maybe I've just got hyper-sensitive to it.

I would rather know even if it did hurt me.And it mightnt be about me at all.But its the not knowing really

It's happened to me twice.

The first was a girl I was at school with, we were part of a big group that formed at sixth form. She had been with her partner (also part of our group) since then and when she left him a few months before their wedding there was a lot of siding with him from our mutual friends but I made an effort to be there for both of them and spent a lot of time with her. She then got together with a friend of mine and put me in the difficult position of asking me to keep it a secret, which I did. A couple of weeks later I was told she'd blocked all of our mutual friends including me from facebook. I emailed and asked why, she told me that she didn't feel she had a place in our group anymore and wanted a fresh start without any of us. That was the last I heard from her. I still miss her, we went through a lot together.

The second was one of my best friends, we were bridesmaids at each other's weddings etc. we both had fertility problems but when my treatment was successful and I had DS, she phased me out. She did the same with all her other friends who've had babies so I thought it might happen. I tried really hard to be sensitive and not let it effect us but it hasn't worked.

Yes, I let a friend go because when I married my dh, who is of asian descent, she told me that 'my status would go down'. Then when I was about to give birth to our daughter in hospital, she 'advised' me that I should warn my dh to carry his passport around the hospital in case anyone thought he might be a bit dodgy. I'm still friends with her on Facebook, but I stopped making an effort to meet up, and have not seen her for about 5 years now, so I guess she's probably wondering why too. Even thinking about her comments now has my hackles up.

A very good friend of mine has done this to me a few times, with no explanation and a lot of sulking, but I have always been able to speak to her and we've got over it. About 9 months ago she did it again, won't speak to me, came and shouted at dH on the doorstep and stormed off. Won't even look at me now (live in same street, children in same class), but will bad mouth me to anyone in earshot. She asked school to make sure our DSes are seperated in class and not allowed to play together at break. Still no real idea what happened. Based on v passive aggressive FBing on her behalf I think something may have happened at school but school say not (she unfriended me melodramatically but a mutual friend showed me).

I was genuinely shocked and upset and v p'ed off that she won't communicate with me, for a few months, but have come to realise that my life is so much easier without her emotional extremes dominating my mood. Maybe she wasn't such a good friend as I thought.

My DBro and much loved DSil split up and she's had no contact with any of our family since. It really hurts, and whilst we respect her decision, it's hard to understand how, after being in the family for more than 10 years, she won't have any contact at all, especially with her nephews. Tried to make contact but she won't respond. She went off social media but is now back on under a different last name; her profile popped up as 'people you may know'. Dbro won't/can't give any insight as to why NC...think it's just too painful for them both.

Riverboat - that must be seriously hard work and very exhausting!

Some people are blinkered to their own behaviour. My Dsis is like this!

I had a close friend that I met through work, we are the same age, shared similar interests and used to meet up several times a week and go on holiday together. We were in a group of friends that all used to socialise together.
I counted her and her husband like my brother and sister and would go out of my way to help them if required. We were close friends for 4 years.
Without any warning, one weekend, she stopped returning my texts, stopped answering her phone and cut me out her life. I asked her husband about it and he said that she wouldnt tell him why either. (not sure if that was true or if he just felt awkward)
It absolutely broke me, I sent her letters asking what I had done wrong, i left her messages and tried to meet up with her and she just blanked all attempts at communication. If I saw her at work she wouldnt acknowledge me.
This was several years ago now and I am none the wiser as to why it happened.
I was heartbroken at the time but have now moved on and accept that that she must have had her reasons, valid or not.

I would urge anyone if they are cutting off a friend, even if you have good reasons to let them know why as the not knowing why was absolutely the worse part, it made the hurt so much worse and didnt spare my feelings.

yes, twice

both were men, both married their girlfriends not long afterwards (so I hear). I was married during our friendships (one was among the handful of people invited to our very small wedding in fact), but guess that once they met their wives they didn't see much of a need to have another close female friend. Emails went unanswered, text were sent with "we should meet" but suggestions of when were not forthcoming.

I live in a different city now, but if either pitched up out of the blue I'd still go for a coffee with them.