To ask if a friend has ever abruptly cut you out?

[Homeishappiness]

My friend has and I'm sad about it.

We were good friends, saw each other a lot, had a lot in common. I moved some miles away and I saw her twice in an eight month period (fine) but she and I emailed, texted one another reasonably regularly.

She went away in January, sent me some pictures and I replied saying it looked beautiful.

Have heard nothing since - texts and emails have been ignored (I know she's safe as she owns a small business and that's running well.)

Has anyone else just suddenly never heard from someone again?

Yes it happened to me.
We were pretty close, saw each other all the time. Then I told her I was very sick and was facing major surgery. I never heard from her again.
It's taken me a long time to realize she is not worthy of my friendship. Any one that ditches a sick friend is not a good friend.

Yes. Just the other day . I don't want to say too much as it may out me, but I saw her every day as she was providing me with a service as part of her business. She took a text I sent the wrong way - she thought I was passively aggressively questioning her but I wasn't at all. It was just a poorly worded text that I wrote in a rush. Despite numerous texts, calls and a nice email she's completely ignoring me. I miss her very much as I considered her a good friend, and I don't know what to do

I have done it.

In fact, I was given advice on MN to do it!

It was an antenatal group thing, had been 'friends' for about 4 years, though IMO we weren't close.

I found one of the women, just...she really wasn't my cup of tea. Very full of herself and loved to grab attention, also very boring - had a dull, monotone voice and used to drone on and on AND ON about all things baby and child related. If you tried to move the subject onto something other than children she was like a puppet with cut strings. She was also v competitive about the children and used to try and stir up competition between everyone else.

So, she wasn't a bad person per se, but really not my cup of tea. I cut her out, she asked what was going on - I told her I didn't want to be part of any of it anymore.

She demanded to know why - but what do you say? I don't like you much? She had plenty of other friends so other people obviously liked her. I just couldn't see the point in hurting her by explaining it and I didn't feel like my opinion of her was that important that anyone needed to hear it.

She seethed for years and hated me apparently. We really weren't that close, which is the ironic thing! Probably only saw each other every couple of months and then only so the kids could play

Yes it will be 4 years since my "good" friend cut me out.She was my dc godmother.We were supposed to be going to a concert and i couldnt get a hold of her.She finally returned my calls and we went.We then went away on a weekend ans as far as i could tell all was fine.

Its only know when i look back i can see the sighns of slowly being erased from her life.
She came to see me 6 weeks after my son was born and that was the last i seen of her.

Was supposed to meet her one day and see never turned up.It was a freezing October day and she left me and my son in a cafe waiting for her.I rang her when i got back thought something had happened to her.Then the penny dropped.So i just deleted her number and never saw her again.

Weird.

Yes, had it once. It was awful and felt so hurt and my self esteem suffered. Best friend from university and my flat mate. She just stopped speaking to me one day and would walk out the room rather than be in my presence. She moved out 3 weeks later unannounced leaving me with the rent and dobbed me into the TV licensing people even though she owned the TV and took it when she moved out! To this day I have no idea what I did or was supposed to have done. We had been friends for years, happy flat mates, sharing a sofa and giggling about our boyfriends and watching ER the night before she simply stopped speaking to me.

I understand now that she was a passive aggressive and frienemy who wanted our friends to herself, which was awful as I felt like the divorcee that no one supports because they are trying to stay neutral.

She played a game, hinting darkly to our circle that I had done something terrible, but refusing to say because she was "private" and didn't want to "cause upset". No one ever knew. Naturally I was hurt and baffled so drifted away and she stayed and is a queen bee. Her plan?

I Asked what I was supposed to have done and the only thing she said was (patronising tone): "Chris, my mum always taught me that if you can't say anything nice about a person, then don't say anything at all. So I won't say anything to you"

i was the friend that cut some one out.
i was friends with some one from aged 11 met at senior school, i was very shy timed girl who didnt make friends easy but i hit it off with this girl from day 1. we were always together and over the years we both confided in each other secrets like teen age girls do. i told her something about a family member that no one els knew.
then when i was about 20 (still very close friends ) i bumped into another girl we both knew only my friend had more to do with her than i did.
anyway turns out my (so called friend) had told this other girl alot of the things id confided in her,including family secret
i was so upset, i couldnt confront friend because i knew id make a fool of myself and get upset.
whenever she phoned id say i was busy and call her back but i never did and she stopped calling or maybe the other girl told her what she told me

Yes, sadly I had a friend I met on a forum on a subject we were both very interested in. We talked every day on msn (that became less frequent as we got on with our lives but we still talked a few times a week) we also texted each other and occasionally talked on the phone. We'd go periods where we wouldn't talk for a while, but we always came back to talking again. However, since he met his now wife about four years ago, I've barely heard from him. I don't have his number any more, but have him as a friend on Facebook. I try and engage him on there but he never replies, even when I ask questions. It upsets me when I think about him, because we were once so close. We only met irl once, but there was a time I considers him one of my best friends

I'm actually in the process of cutting somebody out right now.

We were friends throughout school, best friends for a time, she got intensely jealous when I got into a relationship and proceeded to 'compete' with me from that point forward - and it just changed our entire dynamic. We used to dream about the world and our futures, but her attitude seemed to shift into thinking about what she could brag about (meeting famous people, getting into exclusive clubs) and the older we got, the worse it got. When I eventually got engaged (to a completely different partner, way down the line), her reaction was immediately "you're engaged already?" and then bought her own engagement ring six months later. She has been rude about my car, my house, my husband, and the final straw on the camel's back were when she began to insult my parenting style through her own brand of passive aggressive remarks on Facebook and via text. She can insult me all she likes but nobody makes comments about my DS or how I raise him, especially when she hasn't even bothered to get to know him.

You can judge me all you like, but this is a friend I valued and loved. The way she has treated me is akin to subtle emotional abuse - if it was a relationship you'd all be telling me to leave the bastard. So I cut her out, stopped liking or commenting on her posts on Facebook (which she has been doing to me for some time now), avoiding making specific plans to meet up... Maybe I should just tell her that I feel she has been treating me unfairly - but frankly I don't want to end up back in this relationship and have my family exposed to someone who has always acted spitefully.

Op it sounds more like you're drifting than been abruptly cut off. This happens often without any "wrongdoing".

I have cut someone off abruptly. She'd claim she had no idea why but it was for the exact same reasons another person cut her off a few months earlier and someone else braver than me also told her exactly why. She was the most shocking user and abuser of other people and her behaviour was impacting my life too much. She also sent me a long apology which was apologising for unspecified stuff, basically not acknowledging any of her abuse and trying to manipulate me into allowing her to continue to abuse me. I ignored it. She then tried to send messages through my dc so I had to explain it all to them as well.

I know you've said your texts etc have been ignored, but have you actually asked her why she's apparently cutting you off? It could be anything from drifting apart, an innocent remark being taken wrongly, or a dire crisis in her life that she's not ready to share and so she's shutting herself off.

The only time it's happened to me it was an almost mutual thing. A dear friend married a drug dealer and was upset that I refused to bring my child to her house.

I have a 'friend" I'd like to cut off.

It's tricky when the person you are friends with has a personality disorder or disturbance because even if I told her why, I'm not sure she'd 'get it'. I really liked her initially and we went out for dinner once, but during the course of the evening I realised that it was impossible to have an actual conversation with her. Conversations need to be a two-way street, but she can't handle anybody disagreeing with her at all, no matter how mild. Her view of other people is also distorted. For example, she actively tried to stop our department hiring someone she went to uni with but as it turned out, the person is amazing with a great work ethic and great people skills. I don't think it was jealousy on her part, I think it's that she genuinely can't read other people accurately and misinterprets their behavour.

Its really sad because it is definitely efffecting her professional and personally. She knows she has fewer and fewer friends but really has no clue why. I've thought about telling why but...I don't know that she'd understand.

Happened to me 4 years ago. Had been friends for 10 years and considered her my best friend, she was my bridesmaid and I thought we'd be friends forever. My marriage ended and we both went through various break ups and bad times and were always there for each other. She started seeing a new bloke and I was so happy for her, then she just stopped responding to messages. At first I tthought she was just loved up then I realised it was more than that. I left a message on her answer phone and said I thought I was being paranoid and the next day she defriended me from Facebook. over the next months I tried texting, ringing, emailing and even wrote her a letter (she lived about 70 miles away) but nothing. A couple of years ago she had a baby and I texted her to say what a fab mum she'd be but nothing. I cried and cried for her, it was like a break up and I still have no idea what happened. It's a horrible feeling and the not knowing why is the worst part. My kids were close to her too which also hurt. I would love to know what happened but I've accepted now that I never will.

Yep, were best friends from about 14 years old. I went to college and she got an apprenticeship and we drifted apart. I learnt to drive at 17 and she got back in touch and would only message me when she wanted a lift/food delivered which stupidly I still wanted to be friends and did then when I got pregnant with dd at 18 she started distancing herself even more and at ignored me completely. I would send her messages and they'd get ignored unless she wanted something. Finally something inside of me snapped and after refusing to drive her to McDonald's at 3am because she was drunk she stopped talking to me all together. It hurt as first but honestly looking back I can now see that she was just using me. She only dates people if they can give her stuff then she cuts them out when they say no. I do chose my friends more wisely now though and we haven't spoke in 2 years.

Thank you op, for reminding me to contact a good friend. I haven't cut her out, but have distanced myself as her ds was knocking seven bells out of dd every time we met up and she was totally ineffective about it.

She is lovely, we just have different parenting styles and you gave me the kick up the arse I needed to get in touch, thank you.

I had a freind who I'd grown up with, our parents were freinds before we were born, amd we are both only children so we spent our childhood together. My parents would take her on holiday, we'd sleep over at each other's houses each weekend...
We never went to the same school and I think that helped our friendship stay fresh.
Anyway as late teens she ended up sleeping with almost every boyfreind I had, I started to joke I was trying them out for her. We drifted apart from here on really.
Then I met my dh, and although she was a bridesmaid she wasn't particularly good at it, and we did drift for years.
Xmas cards would get passed along and we'd promise to meet up but didn't.
No matter, I thought we were very different people, she's nevermarried, her dd is 20, I'm married my dd is 18, son is 12.
Then, last June my dad died. I was devastated of course, and on the day of the funeral she's there, really sobbing, she was crying more than me ( my dad had been her 2nd dad for years, taking her all over with us)
We chatted at the wake, and texted a few times, she wanted to meet up, as " you're the closest I've got to a sister"
So we planned to meet up, and when I texted to check we were still on, nothing,
So I asked again. Nothing.
And I've heard nothing since apart from a text at xmas to say she's thinking about me.
I'm struggling hugely with this, almost 10 months since dad died and she ' promised' we could meet and talk. I KNOW she's got so many memories of dad we could laugh about, and I don't have that with anyone else.
No one has known me as long as she has.
So now I wouldnt piss on her if she was on fire, cos she's robbed me of that time, she's robbed me of memories.
And I have no idea why.

Yes, sadly.
We met online, realised we lived fairly close to each other, met up IRL and got on really well. For the next 6 years we saw each other a few times a year, talked and texted several times a week, took a few day trips together, and our families met.

Then a couple of years ago she and her family had to cry off a long standing arrangement at short notice. We said we'd rearrange... and since then there's been almost total silence. After a few months I emailed her with some big news, she replied and said she'd be in touch... nothing since.

I am still sad about it. She's a lovely person. I think her life was in a different place to mine and wonder if she just didn't see the connection any more. I hope she's happy.

No, but I've had the signs of someone wanting to cool a friendship and let me go, so I just let it happen. I didn't want to be a clingy person and ask them why. They obviously had their reasons so even though I was gutted I just let them.

Sad, mean spirited and all that but nothing you can do. Move on and spend time with those who like you for who you are. I'm quite happy at the moment

Yes, I made friends with someone when we were at college together - we clicked immediately & were incredibly close, I honestly thought we would be friends for the rest of our lives. We left & got jobs, & shortly after she started her new job she stopped answering texts etc & blocked me on Facebook. No argument, no drifting apart, nothing. The worst bit was that whilst I was trying to work out what the hell had happened she was telling people I was a crazy stalker who wouldn't leave her alone. I've seriously never doubted my sanity so much - I started to think maybe I'd imagined our friendship & that perhaps I was some weirdo she couldn't get rid of.

Reading these messages has somewhat cheered me upas you often think you're the only one!
I lost two friends from uni, a couple, they didn't turn up to my wedding. I think in retrospect they disapproved.
My bridesmaid flaked out on me when I had my first child as she had just broken up with a long term love. She went travelling. When she came back we patched things up but then my fertility treatment worked at exactly the same time she broke up with another serius boyfriend. She went off round the world again. I made an attempt to patch things up but she stopped returning my calls.
Finally about 18 months ago I was de friended by an old male friend I'd been working with. He'd just got married and his wife, who I'd tried really hard to get to know blocked me on Facebook. I seriously think she thought I fancied him.

Yes. My maid of honour and friend of ten years. Started phasing me out and every time I asked her what was going on/why aren't you getting back to me/haven't seen you in months she told me it was all in my head. I lost my temper after Christmas and asked her straight out to tell me what was going on- she gave me a feeble excuse and has been no contact since. I still cry. Wish she wasn't my MOH.

Yes, three times, but I'm back in contact with two of them. I've cut contact with two others, but not without trying to fix things first. Just cutting someone out without explanation is incredibly cowardly IMO. I know why the people who cut me out did it and I'm happy to be back in contact with the two I mentioned but we will never be as close again as I don't trust them and think they're behaviour has been immature. Our relationship will remain superficial.

My bridesmaid and friend of 5 years... not only did she cut me dead but she accused me of lying about my miscarriage and turned my in laws against me by spinning lies (she is in a relatively new relationship with my BIL) She has shown herself to be poison and I have shown myself to be a crappy judge of character.

dragdownthemoon your post could have been written by me! I can't bear to look at some of my wedding photos. Wish she'd done the decent thing and pulled out instead of ruining my hen do and making zero effort for my wedding.

I agree that this thread is reassuring, as it's easy to feel like a horrible person when someone cuts you out.

Twice here. Once a uni friend who I had been very close to. We had one terse conversation at a time when I was extremely stressed, and we'd argued in the past without any rancour afterwards, but this time she refused to speak to me for months. We got back on speaking terms for a while but it wasn't the same, and eventually I found out she was pregnant and hadn't told me. I sent her congratulations, got no response, and was never told about the birth. I'm not sure why it happened but I think she had issues that weren't about me.

Second was a whole group of people who cut me out a year ago. We'd met over various baby things with our first and met up every week. I was depressed after some fairly major life events and felt that there was some sort of undercurrent. I emailed them all to apologise if I'd upset anyone and explaining how I was finding socialising quite difficult and was sent an email by reply to say essentially that they didn't want any more to do with me. It was truly horrible, especially as my daughter lost several friends through it, and one of them is my next door neighbour. A year on, I am still shaky about it all and dread seeing my neighbour in passing. I still don't really know what I did, and other friends have assured me that I am not an inherently horrible or difficult person. But whatever it was, I don't think I deserved that.

Endless tales of betrayal in my life. I just don't understand the dynamics of female friendship and have given up. I find men much more straightforward but friendships with them are fraught with misunderstandings so my best friend is DH.