To ask if a friend has ever abruptly cut you out?

[Homeishappiness]

My friend has and I'm sad about it.

We were good friends, saw each other a lot, had a lot in common. I moved some miles away and I saw her twice in an eight month period (fine) but she and I emailed, texted one another reasonably regularly.

She went away in January, sent me some pictures and I replied saying it looked beautiful.

Have heard nothing since - texts and emails have been ignored (I know she's safe as she owns a small business and that's running well.)

Has anyone else just suddenly never heard from someone again?

Never mind, Just, we'll all be pathetic together. We'll make our own club, so there .

Fifty shades, we could be the same person, I'm the same age too. People become friendly, tell me that I'm lovely & a good friend and then they stop returning texts etc. Ok, I've lost touch with some people through changing jobs but I honestly don't understand what it is about me that causes it.

I don't think I'm an arsehole. I'm sure DH would have told me if I was behaving out of line.

I seem to be one of those people who are on the periphery. Am always on the outside looking in.

to anyone in a similar situation, it sucks.

We should have a club. with wine.
I just remembered today after packing all my wedding cards into a box in the loft that between my MOH, her mother and her brother, they didn't even send us a card for mine and dh's wedding, despite MOH and My DH being friends since they were 5! That's bad right? Fucking bitch.

Oooh, wine! Love you all

I cut someone off suddenly and I am not sorry. Two mutual friends fell out with each other. I tried to stay friends with both. Met up for dinner with one and he vindictively started spilling his ex - friend's secrets to me. During their years of friendship emotional stuff had been confided, including about an abortion - about which I had been completely unaware. Now that their friendship was in tatters those secrets were used to try to turn me against the other mutual friend. Obviously I was just sickened that such important confidences had been betrayed.

It caused surprise with the rest of our group of friends as I obviously couldn't say why I was cutting off the rejected friend.

I'll be in your wine club, everyone. Alma I'm so sorry you've been through something so similar.

I comfort myself that I have never done anything that set out to hurt or upset anyone. Which means I can sleep at night, most nights anyway. But I do wonder if there's something actually wrong with me.

My 'friend' did this to me. We'd been friends since sixth form but since she's gotten divorced and remarried, I've definitely been frozen out. I think she thinks I don't like her new husband but nothing could be further from the truth. I travelled 200 miles in the snow to attend her 40 birthday where she barely spoke to me and then a few months later she took a trip to my hometime and didn't visit. I am gutted, she's my oldest friend.

We should have our own rejects club!

People visiting your hometown without coming to say hello is awful, unless they absolutely don't have time and have messaged you beforehand. Even then; I'm so worried about potentially offending people in this situation, I message people and see if they just fancy a coffee when I'm down in my hometown, lest they hear I've been down and thought I've not said anything to them. Because I know how that shit feels and it's awful.

This has happened 3 times to me.

I was diagnosed with an incurable neurological condition which my best friend (or so I thought), saw as a direct threat to her food intolerance and attention getting ability. I had been there for her through many difficult times and the time that I really needed support from my best friend, she cut me off.

The other was a whole group of 'friends' (who were the wags of DH's friends), and when I became a wheelchair user they consistently arranged nights out/do's/events in places not accessible to me because they have steps, are listed etc. every time I'd explain why I couldn't go, but for years nothing has changed. I've recently de friended them on FB as I'd rather be incredibly lonely than have people I thought were friends (but obviously are not), in my life. It's really my DH I feel sorry for as he has been totally excluded from everything because of me.

It was recently one of the wags big birthday's and she posted pics all over Facebook with all of the women and DH friends, and she was also arranging a birthday meal for her husband at the end of this month, and tagged all of his friends and the wags, but not me or DH.

How awful, HNTM, and how immature of them.

I'm feeling very teary today. I'm hiding in my room. DS1 is painting and on his computer, DS2 is watching TV downstairs and DD is asleep. I'm dreading getting her to do her homework but we've left her and she hasn't done it and has lied about what she has to do. Keeps asking if we don't trust her whenever we check if she's done it or want to take her phone/laptop away. I think I need to say no. She's not been to school for a month and isn't happy there. It's a real problem.

I really need to see the nurse as think how I feel is linked to my cycle but can't take DS2. Oops, wrong thread really. Sorry. Just realised I have no friends who I can text about I really feel. One I could but never gives proper support but takes a lot.

That's terrible, HTNM. I've heard it's not that uncommon for "friends" to back away when somebody gets a serious health diagnosis and/or becomes a wheelchair user. Some people can't handle the reminder that scary stuff happens in life.

Just, sorry things are so hard. When someone says "Don't you trust me?" with indignation, it's usually as sign they're not being particularly trustworthy at the moment...How old is your dd?

Sure you can't take DS2 to a medical appointment? Gynae talk will presumably go over his head, and if you need to resort to bribery/computer games/gobstoppers to keep him quiet there, that is absolutely the time to go for it.

She's 11.8. Now doing homework at the kitchen table, not very happily but we've given her free reign for the last few weeks she's been off, has just thrown something in my face she did that was her choice, and it hasn't been done. Is very unhappy at school, exceptionally bright, but can't/won't verbalise why.

Taking DS2 might be okay though concerned about the questions I may be asked. Went once over spots/lumps and she wouldn't shut up about depression. Thank you.

Sad but reassuring this happens a fair bit.

One friend and I were both ttc...I got pregnant and told no one until 10 weeks...when I told her after this date, she cut me off and never spoke again.

Another friend was always declaring us to be family (she was from one country, me from another, living in a different country) and called herself auntie to my daughter. Then one day I was persona non grata...no idea why but she seemed to do this for a lot of people. Despite thinking she would leave a hole in my life, I don't actually miss her. (She is now trying to win over another friend of mine who is keeping her at arms length)

Just, could you plug DS2 into headphones for the duration? Attached to something, obviously.

. Good idea and I wouldn't have thought of it as he doesn't have anything but he could use my phone.

I lost a good friend with one word. My mum had died 3 days earlier and I asked her if we could spend the evening together on the Friday. It was valentine's day and she said no she had plans. I was upset and tested back one word - 'great'. Ok so I was out of order, but this was my child's Godmother and she never spoke to me again because I was 'so rude'. I am devastated that she couldn't cut be a bit of slack when I had just lost my mother.

I'm sorry for your loss, AFI. Not a true friend after all .

I am in the process of cutting off a friend.

There's a side to her that is really lovely and strong and amazing, but there's a really awful jealous competitive and utterly selfish side to her, which didn't bother me particularly till she went and had an affair and ended up marrying OM, she started all trying to 'help him' because he had a dreadful marriage (don't they all), the affair ended with them getting married and OM leaving his wife and two children (one a new-born for friend).

Yes I am very judgemental, I honestly can't bare to speak to her, both of us had gone thro horrendous divorces and both of us had seen the utter heartbreak our children had suffered as well as the huge suffering it caused us.

I would rather keep her at arms length than be horrible to her about it. She wouldn't listen if I told her and I did try to speak to her several times before she totally ingratiated herself with OM but she declared she felt judged, I told her having gone thro it myself I felt really hurt for the wife and children, to which she replied oh I really feel sorry for her too... and that was it, killed our friendship stone cold right there.

I will not speak to her about it, se has a way of twisting things to make herself out to be the poor hard done by one in any argument with anyone.

This has happened to me with two friends - used to see each other most weeks, I moved away but still visited them where they lived and there was always an excuse about why they couldn't come to me. I had my DS who they weren't interested in really and couldn't understand why I didn't just leave him with relatives to go out with them at short notice. I had bad pnd and ptsd and had to cancel meeting up once - not heard from them since! I found it very upsetting at the time as I realised it had always been me making the effort yet they couldn't support me the one time I needed it.

This happened to us with a couple who were very close friends for a number of years.

DH was originally friends with the DH at school, DH was best man at their wedding, I'm their daughter's godmother. We went on holidays together, spent loads of time with each other, we looked after each other's children, our children were great friends.

Then we moved away - DH was offered a brilliant job opportunity, but it was the other side of the country. Regular hours, more money and the move gives us a brilliant lifestyle - we live right by the sea, the kids love water sports, etc.

When DH first got the offer, they tried to talk us out of it. Told us we were stupid, we'd regret it and be back in 6 months.

That was getting on for 10 years ago now and we haven't heard from them since.

The first year we moved we went back for Christmas and tried to get in touch as we had some presents for their children and our kids were desperate to meet up with their friends. No response at all.

We tried to get in touch several times the first few years but they never replied to messages or returned phone calls so we've given up.

A few years ago we were back visiting my parents and we bumped into them in town and they completely blanked us. We said hi, and they both walked right past us, they had definitely seen us as their daughter pointed my eldest DD out.

We spoke to some mutual friends about it once and apparently these friends didn't approve of our move and felt we'd ignored their advice so we had made our bed and now had to lie in it.

Yes, it happened to me last year, with a friend. She has done it to pretty much everyone in her life though, so it's not just me.
I had hung in through thick and thin. Then, abruptly, last year, she stopped contact. I made a few attempts, and just one last attempt at Christmas, by text, wishing her well, and nothing.
It hurt but, we don't live near one another, (albeit in same city), or work together or anything, so I just have accepted it. I don't know why she did it, but I wasn't the first, and won't be the last.

song: that is sad, especially for the children

All these people that "cut someone out" - how cruel.

No doubt you think your reasons are valid, and perhaps they are, but you at least owe the person an explanation.

And if they have done nothing but are just not your cup of tea (as a poster above said) - it costs nothing to be civil and pleasant to people. You don't have to be bosom buddies but there is no need to be so horrible.

Chrome - don't you think with certain types of people an outright explanation of why you don't want to be friends with them any more would be more hurtful than letting it just fade away?

"And if they have done nothing but are just not your cup of tea (as a poster above said) - it costs nothing to be civil and pleasant to people. You don't have to be bosom buddies but there is no need to be so horrible."

I remained civil and pleasant. What I did not remain doing was spending my time with someone I didn't like much. We can't all like everyone, we don't have to be friends with everyone.

I've been cut out before, that's ok. I'd far rather that than think someone was a friend who actually doesn't like me much.