To be annoyed that expectations of me at work are different because I'm child-free?

[Lavenderice]

So I work in a team of 8 people, one is male and the rest of us are female, everyone has children apart from me. I am increasingly asked to do tasks which are other peoples responsibility because they need to happen first thing in the morning or last thing in the afternoon and other people need to school-runs or have childcare issues. This morning I had to leave 90 minutes earlier than usual to do something for somebody else because she had to take her child to school. A few weeks ago I had a similar journey because the person was heavily pregnant and "just couldn't do it". We work on flexi time so whilst we have core hours the nature of the work sometimes means we need to work extra hours, which we are credited for. This is mentioned when we are interviewed for the post but it irks me when people can't do it because they're parents.

For the record I don't mind helping out as we are an industry which naturally attracts women of child baring age and I appreciate it's difficult, but lately it seems more of an expectation than a favour.

OH and I have worked in public sector (3 different areas) for some time and I think the key thing is saying no as otherwise the fact that the public/ children etc will suffer does act as an emotional pressure to make you step up and bridge the gap. However they will suffer more if good people don't stay in the public sector because of the overwork.

Check your contract though. If you are on call you should get an on call allowance, otherwise you are available for your contracted hours only. It is none of their business what you do outside of those hours. I say check as when OH was in the police, his contract said he had to work any overtime required at no notice otherwise was dereliction of duty or some such

OP, you come back to us when you have kids. Walk a mile in their shoes and all that.............

windchime plenty of us manage It without taking advantage of colleagues

Good grief so many replies. Thank you everyone and special thanks with those with advice to give.

And for the 3rd time, just for you Windchime I will not be having any kids. RTFT.

Windchime Have you RTFT?

At 12:27:21 the OP said Bunchoffives I won't be having any children.

As for miles and shoes, you wait till your kids are past the childcare age!

What astonishes me about some replies on threads about this old chestnut is this. If one of your colleagues lived near you and - as you knew - had grown-up children successfully brought up would you even ask that colleague to come to your home and look after your DCs while you did the "awkward shift"?

Thought not.

Then why the hell do you expect the same colleague to go to work and do the awkward shift while you look after your DCs?

Either way it's your colleague giving up an evening, a Saturday, a Sunday, an overnight, whatever, for you. Either way you are treating your private life as more important than your colleague's. Either way it's not on.

And I promised when I've destressed from today I will address the questions posed.

Have you read the thread wind - the OP has clearly said she will not be having children.

I agree op is being put upon a bit more than she should expect. It doesn't help that she is the only one that doesn't have children in her team. And if she doesn't intend to have children ever this must irk even more.

Howeve I do think when you are child free and you intend to have children in the furture you can be a bit more flexible.
For instance when I was single in my early twenties I was happy to take things like Christmas Day shifts ( I am a health care proffesional) and wouldn't have expected parents with young children to do those as I think all children should have their parents there on Christmas Day if they can. And I hope now I have young children that sort of kindness will be repaid.

Users, slackers and people who take the piss will always be with us, sadly. Whether they breed or no.

Whatever the personal foibles, stresses, senses of entitlement any individual has, good management is about ensuring that workplace policies and practices are fair and equitable. Which doesn't mean that personal circumstances never get taken into account; just that they don't get institutionalised. Before I had children I would usually choose to leave the school holidays to others. Doesn't mean I wanted management to assume I would, or force me to.

Lavenderice, I hope you're pleasantly surprised that a group of mums are so overwhelmingly on your side

Bodicea From the point of view of our colleagues your future intentions are irrelevant even if they know them. As for CD: sure, young children should have their parents there if they can: but if that would mean some other poor so-and-so working two CD's in a row who does not want to, then they can't.

There are some homes where the arrival of Auntie or Uncle is the big moment of CD!

*your colleagues not our colleagues . . .

You're really not being unreasonable.

I think the approach that I might take - as well as what some others have said and just say no sometimes - is to be more explicit about what you get in return for it. I.e. Your conversations might go:

• Can you come in 2 hours early tomorrow to cover for X?
• Yes, sure, I assume it's ok for me to leave 2 hours early?

• Can you cover for X this evening till 8?
• Yes, sure, can she cover for me next Thursday so I can take flexi?

You could even consider proactively asking your colleagues/manager to cover for you.

When the inevitable response comes back "Oh, well, since you don't have kids", I'd go with "what do you mean?" and really force them to say "so, your time is less valuable" so that you can tackle it head on.

True I wouldn't expect one person to do the same Christmas Day every year. But there is a little bit of etiquette amongst those of us that have to work those kind of shifts which I am gratefull for. Ours was the younger/ single people tended to Work Christmas eve/Christmas day and those with families tended to work New Year's Eve/ New Year's Day. I worked in a big department though where it was more easily shared out.

I am broadly in agreement that you shouldn't get stuck with all the early/late responsibilities just because you have no dc. Can you explain how it impacts you negatively. For example the early start is a killer given your commute; or the mush mash of earlies and lates is making it very difficult to get any routine in your life. Then agree to do one or the other but not both.

Perhaps discuss this with a manager and put your foot down about how much of the slack you have to pick up.

The suggestion to block out time is to e.g book "private" appointment in from 8-9 so you can't get stuck with the early shift. This could be a 'personal appointment' you're unwilling to discuss. If questioned say you've done more than your fair share lately and you expect responsibilities to be shared fairly round the team.

You shouldn't have to but you can always lie: Physio, accupuncture, taking the car into be serviced; waiting in for the BT engineer/boiler guy/cleaner etc, travelling from further away due to visiting friends, etc. You have just as much right to personal time as those with dc.

Do what notinagreat suggests above.

Most employers try to do all this fairly particularly Christmases whether people have children or not. My son has no children but goes on holiday with us (the children at school) so he just as much as anyone with children wants leave in school holidays - ditto my daughters. Their employers do it fairly.

I suppose one advantage is you might get massive pay rises and promotions if you are the one excelling and always being there. There may be an upside.

Yes I never wanted to go out in NYE, even as a young single. But I always wanted to spend Christmas with my family.

Andrew - my comment was based on the disproportionate number of women in the team, which in my experience means a disproportionate amount of childcare inconvenience for that workplace.

There are some great dads out there who pull their weight. But unfortunately it's far from universal.

sounds a crap place to work
i know a few mums on flexi time and like me, we relish being at work from 7am - peace and quiet, coffee in peace, get down to work. has your manager tried asking other members of the team? its odd to assume none of the parents would want the early shift sometimes

My DH was in a very similar position to you OP. he worked with 5 women. ended up doing loads of earlies (5am starts) as his colleagues had to get their kids to school. when he wasn't doing earlies he would be working til 9pm so his colleagues could pick up their kids and because they didn't feel safe being at work alone until 9pm. He offered to do christmas day as it was a lot more money and not terrible hours. he was also promised that he wouldn't have to work any of the other days people like to have off around christmas and new year.. ended up working boxing day and new years day aswell. he struggled to get time off during school holidays.. It was a nightmare. he left not long after Christmas as it was doing him in and management couldn't care less. It didn't bother them that we also have kids like the rest of his colleagues as he had me at home to run around after them.

OP YANBU

'Swings and roundabouts' my arse, m0ther. Endless swing in many cases, with very little roundabout. Wish I could commission research to find out how much my life has been shortened by disproportionate amounts of unsocial hours caused by a hardcore of piss takers who get paid the same for doing far less of one of the worst aspects of the job. Yes to flexibility, but not at the expense of the welfare of others who are employed and paid on exactly the same fucking terms.

I

In a team of 8, surely it is not unlikely that at some point there will be two urgent hospital appointments, at the same time? What happens then?

Frankly, even if the OP was happy to have zero downtime, for a team this size dealing with urgent work, it isn't enough. And at some point, she will end up off sick - which will cause everyone disruption.

Good luck with sorting things out OP.

OP, my only advice is to nip it in the bud now. If you think they are taking the piss now, it is nothing compared to what will happen at Christmas, if you ever want that off. When this happened to me, I agreed to work the first Christmas because I was relatively new, but I dug my heels in the next one and insisted that I got it as holiday having worked it the previous year. Cue months of whining, pleading, arm-twisting and sulking by the entitled parents I worked with (not all of then, by any means), as if their children were my responsibility. I didn't back down and refused ever to be disadvantaged on the leave rota just because I didn't have children.