To be annoyed that expectations of me at work are different because I'm child-free?

[Lavenderice]

So I work in a team of 8 people, one is male and the rest of us are female, everyone has children apart from me. I am increasingly asked to do tasks which are other peoples responsibility because they need to happen first thing in the morning or last thing in the afternoon and other people need to school-runs or have childcare issues. This morning I had to leave 90 minutes earlier than usual to do something for somebody else because she had to take her child to school. A few weeks ago I had a similar journey because the person was heavily pregnant and "just couldn't do it". We work on flexi time so whilst we have core hours the nature of the work sometimes means we need to work extra hours, which we are credited for. This is mentioned when we are interviewed for the post but it irks me when people can't do it because they're parents.

For the record I don't mind helping out as we are an industry which naturally attracts women of child baring age and I appreciate it's difficult, but lately it seems more of an expectation than a favour.

So if I have to go to work early at short notice do I just tell my dc to walk to their infant school?

No. If you have taken a job which expect this, then you should jolly well have plans in place - people you can call, breakfasts clubs which take ad hoc sessions.

Motherof - really? If someone chooses not to have children they should put up with doing all the extra work or awkward shift times because they get to go on holiday in the term time, really?

Op, I was for awhile the only key holder at work who could get in early because I have no children. So if we have electrical work done, or our driver needs to come in I will volunteer to come in early to open up. However this is only done as a last resort, my manager is always very grateful, and is in return flexible, when I was going for investigations as to why I couldnt conceieve he let me have time off without having to make it up.

The key here is that your manager is not grateful, they are just expecting it, but I think you've realised that you need to say no more.

If a working mum or dad has to pick up a child, what sacrifice can she or he make? Pre children I did the lot. I once gave a week up voluntarily of my own leave to get everything sorted before mat leave. After mat leave, my time is simply not my own anymore and I see things very differently. Its not just about children. Some people have other commitments like elderly relatives. All should be accommodated where possible.

Just wondering what time you were asked to get in? Core hours at my old work place meant everyone had to be in work between 10 and 2 but could choose when to arrive leave so 35 hours were worked. Oh and get all the work done, be there for meetings etc.
So I am sympathetic if they asked you to work extra hours - but if the manager is asking you to do a task that the team need doing as a one off then I'm less so.

I was in a similar position in my previous job. Christmas, Easter or half term time off was given as a priority to parents instead of first come first served which annoyed me immensely.

No way should you have to cover for others simply because they have children. I have children and wouldn't dream of expecting others to cover, and neither would DH.

I think there are always things you can do. If I genuinely couldn't offer any time in exchange, I used to get the person who'd helped me out a small thank you gift - just chocs or flowers or a card. It's about not taking people for granted.

And people should of course get equal priority re holidays etc. irrespective of whether or not they have children.

Oh dear OP, I can fully empathise. I used to work in a team with 5 fathers. Their holiday requests always trumped mine. When I resigned in a November I had 24 days holiday in hand and I was able leave that day and get some cash for outstanding holiday. That was rather sweet

DH has to coordinate his hols with one other man, also a dad. They sat down at the start of the year and divvied up the school holidays so that both parties were happy.

With your short notice requests for coming in early etc, I'd say that I had a doctor's appointment or similar occasionally. If it is not actually inconvenient for you, you could just do it for the sake of being nice but occasionally it would be worth not being available to avoid being taken advantage of.

I would bet the op loses flexi every month...it's one thing accruing flexi, it's quite another getting the chance to take it

I think Eustacia says it well.

sounds like your office needs to institute some sort of duty/on call rota.

I have to do this one day per week. On these days, I can be asked to do pretty much anything, either on my caseload or someone else's and work well into the night if needed. however, as this is on a rota basis, I know in advance what nights I absolutely must have back-up childcare available (ie DH), and this makes it manageable.

If the shit hits the fan with one of my cases then I can pass this to the duty person if I really must leave the office on time.

Having children is a lifestyle choice. Why should others have to pick up the pieces when parenfs can't deal with get consequences of their lifestyle choice?

It's annoying and I really hope you do something about it.

mother Really why should the childless have to sort your shit out? Why should my colleagues have to work longer or more awkward hours just because I can't get childcare sorted? Nope. Doesn't wash.

There are lots of reasons for wanting to take holidays in school holidays even if you don't have children. For example some specialist guided holidays only take place at very specific times of the year. We don't all go and lie on a beach for two weeks.

Sorry if this has been raised already (have only read half the thread), but in my jobs I have negotiated coming in late or leaving early at interview stage, so in my case anyone asked to do things outside of those times is not doing me a favour. If anyone did feel that way then their issue would be with their manager (or my manager or HR).

What a strange thing for a Mumsnetter to say, EmeraldThief, are you a visitor from a far-flung forum? And what a shame to strike a discordant note in such a sensible thread. Having children is not a lifestyle choice, and a civilised society supports its next generation. Having said which, the parents on this thread are nearly unanimous that it is not fair or right to expect childfree people to sacrifice their own right to a work-life balance. It's not only unfair, it's ultimately unproductive since we want to encourage a situation in which flexible working is the norm for all, not a charity hand-out to working mothers.

I have children, lots of them, and I have frequently ended up covering for other people with children who just can't blardy well sort out their domestic arrangements properly. I don't mind if someone's got genuine problems, but sometimes people just take the mickey.

I had one colleague who just felt disinclined to write a load of courses as arranged and pissed off on maternity leave leaving me to do it while I was on maternity leave, another one who couldn't be arsed to sort out some grant proposal paperwork, again pleading childcare woes, leaving me to do it while I was actually in bloody labour (that really took the biscuit, that one), one (on north of £40k a year and with a husband earning more than that, both working for the same organisation) who decided her (heavily subsidised) childcare was too expensive and tried to get me to schedule an entire degree programme timetable of 27 colleagues (many of whom had children of their own) and 200 students around her children's three days in nursery each week, so she could save a bit of money and work from home two days a week, and so on.

Then I had a PA once who said she could only work school hours, so we bent over backwards to accommodate her which caused us no end of problems, and then I found out we were both using the same after-school club and her children were in there full time, and when I asked her about that she said, "It's so nice to be able to have a bit of time to yourself, isn't it?" Meanwhile we were all run ragged.

It's fine to ask for help sometimes, but these people simply didn't know what it means to be a team player, and that's so annoying. Forgive me - I am probably sounding like Sheryl Sandberg now.

I am also child-free.

This week, one of my colleagues has kicked off because I have booked my summer holiday in August when that time should be "given to parents".

I have booked it in August because I am going with five friends. One has a university course so can only go then, another is having an operation in September so can't go then, etc etc. It's not quite as simple as that. Everyone has a life.

I think it's fair enough to ask people without dependants to do those shifts that are awkward for those with

Why is it fair enough, mother? Why does one person's right to a non-awkward shift trump another's?

Genuine question. I really want to understand your reasoning.

I remember in single days getting a bollocking for booking my leave to coincide with the Three Choirs Festival in August. I was never sure whether I was supposed to miss the Festival or the Festival was supposed to be moved to another month.

You have to keep a good tally of all the extra hours you've worked, and I know from experience that the only way to use flexi time or TOIL is to add it on to annual leave, when you're going to be away for a while anyway, as it's always difficult just to take the odd day here or there.

I agree with the poster who said, wait and get your promotion in the bag and then have a sit down and a proper conversation. I think it is worth keeping a record of your colleagues last minute demands on their time if that's possible too. It gives balance and takes away from any argument that you are feeling victimised if you can present statistics.

In the meantime, ensure you are accruing and taking any leave entitlements/TOIL/Flexi due to you.

Basically, your manager is lazy and has recruited/gained a team which does not have the right balance of staff availability to fulfill it's requirements. If you left/transferred out in the morning then they would have to sort something.

I know two "utterly indispensable" people doormats who always pick up the slack in an under-resourced team and have both been injured recently and have had to take months off work for operations and physio. Funnily enough their employers have stepped up and brought in sufficient cover immediately. It's left them with a really nasty taste in their mouths.

I appreciate that due to the nature of the job you do, "No" is not always an answer and when push comes to shove someone will step up, but your line manager and colleagues need to know that it can't always be you. It's not unreasonable to point that out.

I've been on both sides of this. I had severe fertility problems and gave birth at 33 after 10 years of trying and worked full time from 16.

When I was child free I did try and accommodate my colleagues with children because I understood that children are not just something you want to do, parents have a legal responsibility to them and they have to make sure they are safe and cared for. I didn't want my colleagues to feel that they were in a position where they couldn't work due to childcare and tried to be flexible and supportive. I avoided school holidays for leave unless strictly necessary too or negotiated with colleagues for time during holidays when kids would be with grandparents etc. I did find they were flexible back and if (for example) I needed a few days off for a wedding in August they would make sure they could be in those days.

Having said that I think the OPs situation if it is as she says is unfair. It shouldn't be the single child free person who picks up the slack every single time. The other colleagues with children should be stepping in to assist too. I have a child now but me and my colleagues with children know when one of us has a minder who is happy to take the kids an hour early and another has one who can keep them an hour late and the fact they don't seem to be doing this means they are taking the piss.

I have a bit of sympathy with the pregnant woman who 'couldn't do it' too, that was me from about 6 months pregnant. Someone from HR gave me a lift in every day and I couldn't manage the bus so had to come in at the time they did, had no choice.

OP you need to sit down with your LM and go through this - flexi time is for EVERYONE

if you have a duty rota then yes you have to cover that but you can't be expected to cover everyone

I work in a similar setting (LA - LAC and SEND kids support service etc) and I work MY duty days and manage my own diary IF cover is needed we ask each other - if it can't be found it isn't given OR a manager will ask staff but staff are not obliged to cover

Book flex or leave or a dentist apt etc for those days and stop saying YES

Lavender, I missed before your post where you mentioned that you are a SW. I am a senior SW (not childcare though). no way would this be acceptable in any service I cover. Flexitime has never applied to the duty officer/AMHP.

I will admit that unless pre-booked I roll up to the office at 9.15, having done the school run. But a) I will come in early by request and b) I'm there well after all the early starters have finished, and it suits the service to have people around at both ends of the day.