To tell friend she isn't trying to shift baby weight in argument

[ForeverChasingToddlers]

Before everyone blasts me and jumps to conclusions about what I think and believe just to be clear

• I know having a baby is hard
• I know having babies so close together is even more hard on the body and mind in most cases

-I know loosing wieght in general is hard

• I know women should not judge other women
• I think all ladies could go at their own pace
• I know having kids and working out is harder than getting it done without kids. Moreso when you are a working mom.

Friend and I were at a escape from evil bloodsucking children birthday dinner on Saturday.
She has 2 DCs under 3 - the last one being born in september.
I have 2 DCS under 3 - Last DD being born in October.

I'm 70KG at 5''7 post baby, she is 5''6 and around 87KG post baby. I have about 10 Kgs to go until I am happy so emotionally mentally physically am still on a weight loss journey

We are at the dinner, DH's at home with the babies, She orders macaroni and cheese with half a chicken and a side of chips with a large glass of wine. She had a starter of fried cheese balls and a desert of what looked like apple pie. I didn't give one shit yet when I order a chicken salad with dressing on the side she starts to snigger and make little digs. The ones that really hurt me throughout the night was

"I'm more focused on my DC's than trying to be skinny"
"Live a little - it's all about being a good mom"
"Not all of us have time to frolic around in the gym some of us have kids to take care of"

I laughed them off until the last frolic comment - I then said that It's fucked up that in today society you cannot get on with being whatever type of woman / mother that fits you without being fucking judged!!! My husband is 100000% hands on, and we share the responsibility 50/50, when I have a spare minute instead of going to bed I muster up every last shred of energy I have and go for a jog for 1/2 an hour instead of watching corrie with a tin of biscuits next to me (which is what she does fair enough but silly if you want to loose weight thats all!!). I watch what I eat and that gets 80% of the work done anyway so what's with the parenting bashing?

she then said "being a mom is a 24/7 job with or without a husband" as though for taking 1/2 an hour a day to jog while hubby watched the DDs makes me an absent mother! WTF

I just bloody snapped and said We all have to loose the wieght at our own personal pace in our own personal way....but don't try and make being over weight and being a good mom mutually exclusive...they do not walk hand in hand and just bloody admit you are being lazy and you could atleast watch what you put in your mouth if you really cared

She didn't speak to me for the rest of the night.

AIBU?

She hates her body and says she wants to loose weight but clearly has no bloody motivation. Some people are single mothers with not one spare lucid minute to work out at home or cant afford a gym membership fair play but watch what you eat then if you so desperately want to loose weight

I'm tired of the "eating for two" myth and I'm tired of the sensationalism of not shifting baby weight (if you want to) as "being a real mom" because you are too busy mothering and eating crap!!

Most of all I'm tired of the judgement of being a slim and working out and going to the gym .... with her and to be honest some other women it's like to be a "real" mom you have to be a frumpy depressed mess. I truly believe that if you have a hands on DH or even a mum willing to help you out etc you can get the weight off!! Sometimes ...... I even wear makeup and get my hair done....CALL THE SOCIAL SERVICES!!!

Er,no?

So stick to the guidelines, you know what to do

Why do people always assume someone is new if they've only seemingly posted a couple of times? I've been here for 11 years and only assumed this name as of yesterday or the day before therefore you would jump to the absurd conclusion that I only joined to stir trouble if I was this particular OP.

People change name all the time for all sorts of reasons.

To be totally "unreasonable" OP lost my sympathy when she talked about being on a "journey" regarding her weight loss.. Anyone that talks like an Xfactor reject to me is just attention seeking

Well that's what losing weight is like, it has a destination, a goal. Plenty of people describe undertaking a journey of some sort.

yes I accept the goal idea & well done to OP if she's working towards achieving that, but we're talking naturally (with a bit of effort, fair play) losing some baby weight.. The idea of normal life experiences being a "journey" is quite frankly overplayed & melodramatic

In YOUR opinion of course, you speak like its fact. When it is not.

The OP is spot on. Being fat is simply idleness. Her friend is a joke who has low self esteem yet seems intent on passing this onto the OP. 5 ft 6 and 87kgs...less buns more runs love.

Of course it's just my opinion 26Point2Miles..(btw v impressed about anyone that can do a marathon). I just feel there is a tendency these days in general to make normal stuff sound like life changing achievements, but I apologise for making it sound as if it was anything other than an opinion. Fwiw to get back to the original post. I think neither the OP or her friend managed the situation very well. According to OP other diners intervened to comment on the friend's ranting ( which op drip fed after several pages & no one commented on). Yes friend is probably jealous of your weight loss OP, so she was being aggressively defensive from the start off.. & no you're not a bad mum for going for a half an hour jog a day, she probably wishes she had some of your motivation

Going to hide this thread now as the nasty fuckers are out .....probably booze o clock!

You sound nice, loop

I'd like to know how to lose Weight doing a half hour " jog " each day .

I run for hours every week and lose nothing . As do 80% of runners training for a marathon

Loop i need to write that on my fridge!!! :)

She was probably making the comments out of jealousy tbh, your loosing weight because you want to and at your own pace, and shes not which is fine too. Bit of a shame she had to try to make you feel bad to make herself feel better though!

stacey agree. My marathon training is tapering now for the big day in 2 weeks.... Lost no weight really

loopinthep 'The OP is spot on. Being fat is simply idleness. Her friend is a joke who has low self esteem yet seems intent on passing this onto the OP. 5 ft 6 and 87kgs...less buns more runs love' - looks like Katie has outed herself

I'm with you thought OP she was rude and provoking. You were both out of order, but she was judgy and asked for it.

• though

Oooh well done 26.2

London , Stratford or Blackpool ?

< ignores point of thread >

I couldn't bare to spend one second with either of you tbh.

Lord - Do you mean me and my new pal 26.2 , who want to talk about pacing and nutrition ?

I am not sure that your friend was being nazty to you.saying that she is concentrating on being a good mum and not worrying about losing weight at the moment is not a judgement on you.in fact I think that is what the HV said to me while I was breastfeeding .you both have young babies still. your reply was really disproportionate, really venomous and really personal.

Stacey. No, I was responding to the OP. Haven't actually RTFT.

Come to the pub with me and 26.2 then, and ignore any goady fuckers

Stacey I don't know what 26.2 is. But pub yes, that'll be fine.

OP this is my best guess. Your friend is fatter than you but prettier? Or, your friend is fatter but has more personality? Either way she has got your goat, right?

My advice is this; it really doesn't matter. Be nice or don't be, the choice is yours.