To tell friend she isn't trying to shift baby weight in argument

[ForeverChasingToddlers]

Before everyone blasts me and jumps to conclusions about what I think and believe just to be clear

• I know having a baby is hard
• I know having babies so close together is even more hard on the body and mind in most cases

-I know loosing wieght in general is hard

• I know women should not judge other women
• I think all ladies could go at their own pace
• I know having kids and working out is harder than getting it done without kids. Moreso when you are a working mom.

Friend and I were at a escape from evil bloodsucking children birthday dinner on Saturday.
She has 2 DCs under 3 - the last one being born in september.
I have 2 DCS under 3 - Last DD being born in October.

I'm 70KG at 5''7 post baby, she is 5''6 and around 87KG post baby. I have about 10 Kgs to go until I am happy so emotionally mentally physically am still on a weight loss journey

We are at the dinner, DH's at home with the babies, She orders macaroni and cheese with half a chicken and a side of chips with a large glass of wine. She had a starter of fried cheese balls and a desert of what looked like apple pie. I didn't give one shit yet when I order a chicken salad with dressing on the side she starts to snigger and make little digs. The ones that really hurt me throughout the night was

"I'm more focused on my DC's than trying to be skinny"
"Live a little - it's all about being a good mom"
"Not all of us have time to frolic around in the gym some of us have kids to take care of"

I laughed them off until the last frolic comment - I then said that It's fucked up that in today society you cannot get on with being whatever type of woman / mother that fits you without being fucking judged!!! My husband is 100000% hands on, and we share the responsibility 50/50, when I have a spare minute instead of going to bed I muster up every last shred of energy I have and go for a jog for 1/2 an hour instead of watching corrie with a tin of biscuits next to me (which is what she does fair enough but silly if you want to loose weight thats all!!). I watch what I eat and that gets 80% of the work done anyway so what's with the parenting bashing?

she then said "being a mom is a 24/7 job with or without a husband" as though for taking 1/2 an hour a day to jog while hubby watched the DDs makes me an absent mother! WTF

I just bloody snapped and said We all have to loose the wieght at our own personal pace in our own personal way....but don't try and make being over weight and being a good mom mutually exclusive...they do not walk hand in hand and just bloody admit you are being lazy and you could atleast watch what you put in your mouth if you really cared

She didn't speak to me for the rest of the night.

AIBU?

She hates her body and says she wants to loose weight but clearly has no bloody motivation. Some people are single mothers with not one spare lucid minute to work out at home or cant afford a gym membership fair play but watch what you eat then if you so desperately want to loose weight

I'm tired of the "eating for two" myth and I'm tired of the sensationalism of not shifting baby weight (if you want to) as "being a real mom" because you are too busy mothering and eating crap!!

Most of all I'm tired of the judgement of being a slim and working out and going to the gym .... with her and to be honest some other women it's like to be a "real" mom you have to be a frumpy depressed mess. I truly believe that if you have a hands on DH or even a mum willing to help you out etc you can get the weight off!! Sometimes ...... I even wear makeup and get my hair done....CALL THE SOCIAL SERVICES!!!

i can see why she was riled by her friend to be honest

There are two sides to every story. We only have one of them here and a very defensive, aggressive op posting it.

If its true and accurate then both behaved badly. Neither sounds like they like the other. But we have no idea whether it all happened the way the op has said it did here and I think it's very unfair to rip into the friend when she isn't here to defend herself.

I think it's very unfair to rip into the friend when she isn't here to defend herself

I hope you apply that logic to every single post on AIBU.

Not really. I tend to think that almost everything on aibu is either totally made up or grossly over exaggerated including this.

You are not being unreasonable. She's just unhappy and bitching because she doesn't have the motivation. Well done you.

Er can I just add that sweeping statements like a BMI of 31 stops you from moving normally aren't particularly helpful? And untrue

It is hard to believe this conversatikn really took place.

It us easy to inagine this conversation took place in someone's head, or that the conversation was entirely done via glances and inferred meanings...

A bmi of 31??? Wow it's more than I thought

A bmi of 31 does not prevent you from moving normally or playing with dc. It really depends on individual. I have a bmi higher than that and did a 10k walk recently and do regular workout classes. In my aqua class there is a lady who is even fitter than me. It is not ideal of course but you can still be fit with a high bmi.

Your friend was appallingly rude. And then so were you, OP. You could just have said she was being unkind and unfair, then asked her to drop it. Why lose the moral high ground by detailing her dieting failures?

I didn't know people really talked to eachother like this in real life. Surely you don't expect to ever see her again?

Cactus the op clearly stated she is in the middle of her weight loss journey. Her friend is just clearly jealous that she's sticking to it and it's working.

I am 5ft 3 and now 10st 4, still have about a stone I want to lose but am getting there. Am always getting loaded comments from people.

Good God. You both sound like lovely dinner guests.

Also, while I'm lighter than either of you, I'm still not 'slim', and I don't get to go out for half hour jogs (maybe 10 minutes in the park if everyone's occupied) as I have neither a mother or a "100000% helpful DH". I also can't be arsed with make up, and would think you were a bit of a twat to hold that against me when I'm doing a full time 'professional' type job, looking after two kids alone, and studying. Maybe both of you need to stop being so shallow and just eat what the fuck you like and jog if it makes you happy but not gab on about it like it's some kind of altruistic act.

Don't think this is completely true. People don't give long speeches like that, (without being interrupted, in real life.

Does not sound like a pleasant evening and neither friend sounds particularly nice

YANBU it would have annoyed me too.

YY Kent There are some very dangerous assumptions on these boards regarding weight just lately.

And it goes on.....and on.......

The OP got precisely what he/she wanted which was people arguing amongst themselves about weight.

(Slow hand clap)

I'd love to be 11 stone and 5ft 7. That's slim in my book.

OP - I have no idea why people are giving you a hard time. Your friend was completely out of order and you eventually snapped and gave her some home truths. Tough shit for her. That's what you can expect from poking a stick at someone again and again.

I think you have been bloody patient in your replies to everyone who has so clearly not read your OP properly, or is just choosing to make up their own version of what happened.

P.S. Well done on your weight loss. I wish I had your motivation.

Yes well done on weight loss op! Keep it up, can't have much more to lose now

Curly Haired not everyone has replied to the OP Some of us are talking about issues and myths the subject has raised with other posters.

Lol at some random poster telling us all to stop posting ....

Fine but maybe start another thread if that's what people want to discuss.

Have another