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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu - holiday childcare?

167 replies

AnnField · 11/04/2015 09:56

DD is 14. Her dad and his parents have her every weekend and around half of all school holidays. Her dad has said he can't take any time off during July or August this year but will take DD every weekend as usual and speak to his parents about having her a day or two each week. I think if he can't do it his girlfriend should take leave and look after DD as DD is bored during the holidays at my house. AIBU?

OP posts:
Quitelikely · 11/04/2015 09:58

Can't or won't take time off?

And no I don't think his gf should have to look after your dd either.

formerbabe · 11/04/2015 09:59

Is this a reverse? Of course yabu.

horriblesil · 11/04/2015 09:59

How would dd feel about being with her dad's girlfriend?

I personally don't think it is up to your ex's girlfriend to have your dd. Your dd is your problem - and your ex's problem. If you can't manage childcare for dd during the summer holidays, it is a conversation to have with her dad, but don't bring his girlfriend into it.

Only1scoop · 11/04/2015 10:00

Yabu

To the extreme if this is for real

exLtEveDallasNoBollocks · 11/04/2015 10:00

Why on earth does your 14 year old need childcare?

Jinglebells99 · 11/04/2015 10:00

At 14, does she need looking after?!

horriblesil · 11/04/2015 10:01

Just want to add, you may get lucky and his girlfriend offers, esp if she likes your dd. My dad's girlfriend and I got on really well and I loved spending time with her when I was 14/15 and fortunately it was reciprocated.

But that is very different to expecting her to take your dd.

AlternativeTentacles · 11/04/2015 10:01

Are you the girlfriend?

shewept · 11/04/2015 10:02

Yabu. Its not up to his new gf to provide childcare. If you need him to have the kids and its 'his turn' to have them. Then he needs to sort it. But that doesn't mean its up to his gf.

You need to sort this out with him, leaving her out of it.

namechangedincase23 · 11/04/2015 10:02

YABVU

This must be a reverse

calzone · 11/04/2015 10:03

It sounds like you don't want her in your house, OP.

What an odd thread.

At 14, I doubt she needs much childcare....just a base to hang out and maybe meet up with friends.

shewept · 11/04/2015 10:03

Just seen she is 14, she may be bored at home on her own, but she can't possibly be expecting to do something everyday of the holidays.

TwoOddSocks · 11/04/2015 10:04

If you have an agreement that half the holiday time is his responsibility and she desperately needs childcare then he should pay for her to go to some kind of sports/dance/acting camp to entertain her for half the time. Although this kind of thing is really a luxury rather a necessity though so he might just refuse. I don't see how his girlfriend comes into it. If she wants to help him parent his DD then fine but she has no responsibility to do this.

Molichite · 11/04/2015 10:05

YABU to think his gf should cover it and that her being bored at yours has any relevance.

YWNBU to think that weekends are in no way a fair swap for weekday holiday cover, assuming you both work, but that doesn't seem to be the thrust of your argument. He needs to organise something, preferably not by just getting the women around him (his gf, you) to cover it.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 11/04/2015 10:05

Eh? Why does she need childcare? Surely she will lay in until nearly noon anyways (isnt that what the holidays are for?), maybe meet up with some friends in the afternoons then home when you get back from work for dinner.

ilovesooty · 11/04/2015 10:06

You can't be serious. Why would she need childcare at 14 and why should the girlfriend be in any way responsible for your child?

Kampeki · 11/04/2015 10:06

Presume the 14yo has SN of some sort, if she needs looking after. But yabvu to expect the girlfriend to do it. You and her dad need to sort it out between you!

shewept · 11/04/2015 10:08

To be fair if he is having the dd at weekend and his parent can do one or two days a week. That's 3/4 days per week. So about half anyway?

TenerifeSea · 11/04/2015 10:09

YABU and does a 14 year old really need 'childcare'?

TheLastMan · 11/04/2015 10:10

Surprising arrangement.
So you never see your dd during the weekend at all?

I do get the 'she is bored during the school hols' if you are living in the back of beyond with no regular buses etc.
But why on earth is it your ex gf role to 'occupy her' be the taxi driver?

Could you get more time off?
Could you sort something out with a friend of hers (you are the taxi driver when you are off for both teenagers and the parets of the other girl is doing that too)?

Kampeki · 11/04/2015 10:11

Yes she, had missed the bit about his parents!

Must be a reverse!

bbcessex · 11/04/2015 10:13

I'm going to go against the grain here and somewhat agree with you OP.

On the assumption that your ex and his girlfriend are a family living in the same house (rather than just dating and living separately), then your daughter is part of their family too.

I do think that it's up to them as a couple to consider any offspring in holiday cover.. obviously the onus is on your ex, but as a couple they should try and honour any arrangements that need to be made (limited for a 14 year old, but still some stuff needed).

If you become a partner of someone with children, that's par for the course in my opinion.

shewept · 11/04/2015 10:16

Kampeki I think reverse too.

aFirmGrip · 11/04/2015 10:17

Do you work OP?

If yes, when do you see your DD given she is at her dad's every weekend.

If no....erm.....why not?

Obviously the gf is under no obligation to care for your child - especially as she already seems to spend her weekends doing it.

Anyway, I think you're writing yourself a little play here...

Original poster
AnnField · 11/04/2015 10:20

Ex has said can't as he's self employed and won't be paid. He's already agreed to take DD on holiday during October half term so I presume he's trying to save for that.

DD would just do her own thing round at her dad's house. She says she spends most of her time playing online games with her friends. She can't do that at mine. She likes the girlfriend as far as I know.

DD needs to be kept entertained or she will be bored. We live with my mum and dad and she's annoying them by moping about the house. No special needs or anything.

I work weekends and like to go out with my friends so him having DD at the weekend suits me. His mum having her is fine too but he needs to be doing more with her.

I don't think aibu but he's said he won't even ask his girlfriend.

OP posts: