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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu - holiday childcare?

167 replies

AnnField · 11/04/2015 09:56

DD is 14. Her dad and his parents have her every weekend and around half of all school holidays. Her dad has said he can't take any time off during July or August this year but will take DD every weekend as usual and speak to his parents about having her a day or two each week. I think if he can't do it his girlfriend should take leave and look after DD as DD is bored during the holidays at my house. AIBU?

OP posts:

AmyElliotDunne · 11/04/2015 15:33

Sorry, just rtft and seen I and seen it's a reverse. In that case, yanbu and at 14 the DD should be capable of entertaining herself wherever she is.

AmyElliotDunne · 11/04/2015 15:38

Although one thing I would add having rtft is that being self employed is not a good excuse for not taking time off. I'm self employed and still have to work around my DCs durig holidays or accept that I don't get paid. His hourly rate should account for having to take time off. I had originally thought him not being able to take time off was due to the constraints of a holiday roster or something, but if it is because he doesn't get paid when not at work, tough. Sometimes we have to sacrifice a little for our DCs. He should really be planning a week off I would saym not to help out the mum, but to spend time with his dd.

Spotifymuse · 11/04/2015 15:42

Yep pick and mix 'parenting' at it's best
No childcare = mums problem. She can just swap her shifts. Like it's always that easy But as long as dad doesn't have to take a days holiday, or heaven forbid ask his partner to use a days holidays that's ok. Mum can just juggle and have the stress. Or she could give up her job. But then she'd be a feckless, lazy ex instead

AuntieStella · 11/04/2015 15:43

I'd rather assumed that the father's work had seasonal peaks and troughs, which was why the summer was out (but holidays at other times of year can be covered).

Kampeki · 11/04/2015 15:44

So spotify, how many days do you think the dad should cover?

Stealthpolarbear · 11/04/2015 15:49

" . Why don't you think that the mother should have equal responsibility to care for her child?"

in fairness "every weekend and about half of the holidays " is what the dad signed up for when they split. he's now offering every weekend, as is totally normal , and maybe a day or two in the week. if I were the mum Id be annoyed.

Spotifymuse · 11/04/2015 15:50

He 'should' cover whatever days he 'needs' to cover Kampeki. Despite having a penis and all

Stealthpolarbear · 11/04/2015 15:50

ie the extra in the holidays a counters the fact he does 2/7 in term time

Kampeki · 11/04/2015 15:57

And he is covering what he "needs" to. I could understand if we were talking about a toddler, but NT 14yos don't need constant supervision or entertainment! And perhaps when he signed up for "weekends and half the holidays" he might reasonably have anticipated that full time childcare would no longer be needed at 14. Why does the mum get to dictate this and the dad just have to comply?

I have no personal axe to grind here btw. I have no stepchildren and I'm still with dd's dad. But if we did ever split up, I hope that I wouldn't ever become so embittered as to think that the man must always be in the wrong.

LotusLight · 11/04/2015 16:00

He could pay for the childcare I suppose or a 2 week holiday she could take like an activity one without parents which our girls did. I work full time take about 2 weeks of a year and their father has teachers' holidays and he has them (there were 5 at home after our divorce) for zero days in the holiday and I have them all the time which just about sums him up..... his loss and we've managed but it's been a very expensive set of summers.

I think the law should force parents to have children 50% of the time and that parent then has to pay for the care.

Spotifymuse · 11/04/2015 16:04

It's not up to you to dictate what level of childcare somebody else's child needs. And he's 'not' covering what he 'needs' to or committed to. He's made an attempt to, by suggesting his partner might take some annual leave. But that's been vetoed as well. So ball back in mum's court. Not sure how mum is seen as the one dictating anything to be honest.

Maybe83 · 11/04/2015 16:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmateurSeamstress · 11/04/2015 16:15

I thought the mum brought up OP taking leave on the phone, and the dad knocked that one back without even asking OP? orvwas that while OP was still pretending to be the mum? OP this is confusing!

Kampeki · 11/04/2015 16:18

No, he didn't ask his partner to take leave, the child's mum asked if she could take the time off. And the ball isn't back in the mum's court because he is asking his parents to help for 1-2 days.

It isn't my business to judge what childcare a 14yo might need, but is her father not entitled to have a say in that judgement either?

I keep asking spotify, but you haven't answered. How many days a week (including weekends when mum is at work) do you think the father should cover?

needaholidaynow · 11/04/2015 16:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Spotifymuse · 11/04/2015 16:40

So how does the OP know that mum asked dad to ask the OP? If dad didn't actually ASK the OP? Although it's really sad that a couple who are supposed to be life partners can't rely on each other to help with the most important thing in life which is caring for a child.
And I've answered you Kampeki. Dad needs to sort childcare during half of the holidays when mum can't. It's not that difficult a concept surely?
And Needaholiday, again beautiful illustration of pick and mix parenting. Presumably your heartfelt speech about a parents responsibility to take annual leave to look after their children applies to BOTH parents ? Or maybe not

Kampeki · 11/04/2015 16:44

She overheard them on the phone, spotify

And of course both parents should share the holiday care, but the dad and his family are already saying that they'll cover half the week!!!

Stealthpolarbear · 11/04/2015 16:44

needaholiday im not suggesting it should be the mums problem. I think it's the dads
and why are people assuming it's the mum dictating that the girl can't be left alone? I assumed this would be coming from both parents

needaholidaynow · 11/04/2015 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 11/04/2015 17:19

Some 14 year olds to need supervising. Seems crazy but it's true.
That said though I don't think the responsibility should lie with your ex dp's girlfriend

sussex33 · 11/04/2015 18:01

Seems like dad has had child whole of easter though and will again for the whole of october half term.

sussex33 · 11/04/2015 18:03

Sorry bulk of easter

NoNameDame · 11/04/2015 18:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Spotifymuse · 11/04/2015 18:39

It's a shame you've been unable to strongly state your point of view as many other people have, without resorting to a vile personal attack Nonamedame

NoNameDame · 11/04/2015 18:42

It's kind of telling that that is the only thing in my post you can argue with spotify

I am prone to saying what I think and admit that. Can you admit your previous arguments are ridiculous?

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