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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my MIL should help out?

241 replies

Up2nogood · 09/04/2015 21:38

AIBU to think my MIL is taking the micky and needs to pull her weight a bit??

My MIL has started to help out with daytime childcare one day a month, when I do an extra day at work. She comes with her mother and stays 2 nights as they live an hour away. Let me say, before we go on, I'm very grateful for this. And I'm particularly glad and she only saw our children every 2-3 months, usually when we visited for someone's birthday.

They come the afternoon before, and of course I make sure we have a home cooked meal for everyone. Sometimes this is my day off sometimes it's a working day. If I've not made dinner, we've treated everyone to dinner out. On the day she has the children I always put something in the slow cooker like homemade soup, so everyone has a good lunch, and there is always a hearty dinner once we get home- fish pie, salmon and potatoes, cottage pie, curry...! I make it all from scratch the night before so all she needs to do is switch a button or put it in the oven.

I do this gladly. The thing that's grating on me, is this. On neither nights does she clear up dinner, wash up, empty the dishwasher, fill the dishwasher, sweep the dinner off the floor, or indeed clear up the any of the carnage of toys she's let the kids leave around the house all day. Usually when nearly everything is done and she's wants a brew she'll come into the kitchen and half heartedly offer 'do you want me to do anything'? But she really could just say, you know what, it's nearly 10pm, you've not stopped since getting home. Let me put those dishes away love. But, No!!! Today, there were some pots still dirty from the soup AND cottage pie I'd prepared last night as the dishwasher was full. Low and behold when I got home they were still there dirty as there was 'no hot water'.... Errr kettle, boil some???

I mean my mum is no mother hen. She doesn't pander around me, do my washing or anything like that. But, if I make her dinner, she helps clear up. In the past-pre kids- I'd have been happy to do it all, but when you're trying to bath and bed 2 toddlers, a bit of help wouldn't up a miss!!!

I mean, when I first asked her to put dinner in the oven and turn on the potatoes and veg before we cane home (I had literally peeled, chopped and left them in pans of water) she commented 'my this is more than I do at home'!! Oh, sorry to put you out there!!!

So am I justified in feeling pee'd off or AIBU and need to suck it up?

OP posts:
Cantbelievethisishappening · 09/04/2015 21:41

IBU to think my MIL is taking the micky and needs to pull her weight a bit
Hmm
She is your MIL not hired help
She is providing you with free childcare
YABU

Greenrememberedhills · 09/04/2015 21:42

You're taking this piss, right?

Your mil comes an hour each way with her own mum in tow, to provide free childcare, and you're moaning?

How entitled you are.

Seriouslyffs · 09/04/2015 21:42

Do you pay her?
Meh. It'd pee me off too!
Flowers

Mrsstarlord · 09/04/2015 21:42

Suck it up I'm afraid. She is helping out on a regular basis for free. If its an issue you could look at other forms of childcare.

To be fair, if it was me I'd wash up etc but you can't complain if she is doing you a favour IMHO

Griphook · 09/04/2015 21:42

She should help more, have you asked her? but you know she's offering free childcare, so you need to suck it up or pay for it

ThisOneAndThatOne · 09/04/2015 21:43

I would simplify food. Buy a pizza to bung on the oven. Fish fingers? Anything that is easy to prepare and makes little or no washing up.

Greenrememberedhills · 09/04/2015 21:43

Why "should"?

magoria · 09/04/2015 21:44

So who pays for her 2 hour round trip to look after your kids?

Salmotrutta · 09/04/2015 21:44

Hahahahahaha!!

...Oh, wait. Are you serious?

ilovesooty · 09/04/2015 21:45

Is this serious? What would you do if she didn't travel (presumably at her own expense) to help you out?

HellRunner · 09/04/2015 21:45

So whats your husband doing to help?

EatDessertFirst · 09/04/2015 21:45

Is this a joke?? If you want a servant, pay for one. Can't believe you are moaning about clearing up after your own children.

drudgetrudy · 09/04/2015 21:45

Don't go to so much trouble with the food. They will survive on something from the freezer some weeks.

Preminstreltension · 09/04/2015 21:45

Where is your DH in this picture?

NoSquirrels · 09/04/2015 21:45

What's your DH up to in this time?

Greenrememberedhills · 09/04/2015 21:46

I am increasingly wondering if some of these threads are wind ups. Do people actually think like this?

ButDadSaidICould · 09/04/2015 21:46

Where's your DH? Is there a reason why he can't do any of this?

rookiemere · 09/04/2015 21:47

Cut back on the quality and prep work on the meals. Where's your DH in all this, if your MIL is doing the childcare, you're doing the cooking, then could he not tidy up when he gets in ?

icelollycraving · 09/04/2015 21:47

I think you'd find it easier to pay for childcare where you can collect your dc & not expect more.
I don't think she's taking the mickey,how old is she? Kids are knackering.

ButDadSaidICould · 09/04/2015 21:47

X-post with everyone!

MorrisZapp · 09/04/2015 21:47

What does your dh do while all this is going on?

EatDessertFirst · 09/04/2015 21:47

Hmm. It is the Easter holidays.

monkeysaymoo · 09/04/2015 21:48

It all rather depends on how much you pay her for a full days child care and how many children she is caring for.

My mum stayed and looked after my dc's during half term I didn't expect her to do anything in the evenings

NoSquirrels · 09/04/2015 21:49

Cross-posts with others about your MIL's son...

It would get me down if I'd prepped & cooked and no-one helped clean up but you can't insist a guest (who's done care of two toddlers plus elderly relative) clears up. Nice if it's offered, but you can't expect it.

hoobypickypicky · 09/04/2015 21:49

"On neither nights does she clear up dinner, wash up, empty the dishwasher, fill the dishwasher, sweep the dinner off the floor, or indeed clear up the any of the carnage of toys she's let the kids leave around the house all day."

WTAF?

Here's an idea. Put your hand in your pocket and pay for your DC to go to nursery and then you won't have toys left around the house.

Yes, I know. Radical, eh?