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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To Have Walked Out

400 replies

queeneileen · 08/04/2015 20:23

My mum is truly doing my head in. She's managing to drum up arguments left, right, and centre with both me and my DS(13) I've got to the point where I'm limiting the time DS and DM spend together to less than 30mins at a time - they're as stroppy as each other and wind each other up - but I still go round every night after work for a brew. She's 67, disabled (can still get out and goes out every Saturday night to the local for company), but doesn't really do much socialising during the day.

Aaaaaanyways, she's just becoming more and more argumentative. Yesterday we rowed about politics, royal mail, the SNP, Scotland, her tv guide.
Today it was about employment law and the fact she thinks it's a shame employers can't hire who they want but instead have laws they have to cow-tow to. This was all sparked from her asking if Asians owned my opticians as the place was "flooded" with them. I work for an employment law company and started telling her about (quite sodding obvious) laws in place to stop discrimination happening. Queue massive row where I don't allow her to have her own opinion and it culminated in her accusing me of calling her a racist pig, and me telling her she IS racist. She is - not 15mins before she told me she was nearly sick when the Asian optician was checking her eyes as he was in her face. (note: I'm sorry. It's what she said)

She decided then she was offended that I think she's racist, and offended that I could say that to her in the manner I did. And I just said I was leaving and walked out.

I can't hack listening to her. I can't hack the rows. I can't hack the expectation of me sitting there listening to her spout bullshit because it's her opinion, even if I find it offensive. I end up openly questioning what she's saying and - I'll be honest - telling her she's talking crap.

I'm hugely sad I've walked out but AIBU to have done so?

OP posts:

Chippednailvarnish · 09/04/2015 00:02

Tulips you don't half remind me of this OP.

So what exactly do you want to change and challenge? You're not exactly explain anything probably because you can't.

And 67 isn't old.

Lovecat · 09/04/2015 00:07

Given that there's been both a sizeable black and Chinese community where I grew up since the 1700's, I find it quite telling that you keep talking about 'England' and 'English', Daffs, when trying to defend the indefensible.

People of colour, who experience the kind of foul racism the OP is talking about on a regular basis, are generally as English as you or I (in fact probably more so than I am, being second generation Irish/African). Or do only white English feelings matter? (and what about Wales, NI or Scotland - don't they count?)

67 is not old. My mum is nearly 80 and she was in her early 20's when the first influx of Indian immigration hit the Midlands. She tells vivid tales of enjoying her first curry and going dancing with the Sikh guys she worked with. She has never come out with such hateful comments and never would, because age has nothing to do with it. Please stop apologising for racism, you are in danger of leading people to believe that you are a racist by doing so.

daffsandtulips · 09/04/2015 00:12

67 is not in the younger or middle aged bracket bracket.

I have no idea why you want to bash me to be honest. Sometimes people don't want, need to "explain" or elaborate and that is their perrogative surely? To tell me in an underhand crossed out way I can't only reaffirms this.

daffsandtulips · 09/04/2015 00:14

Foul racism.. oh dear incitement yet again. Is your mother English Lovecat? just a question.

Chippednailvarnish · 09/04/2015 00:21

You won't explain because you can't, nothing to do with prerogative.

And what the hell has Lovecat's mum's Englishness go to do with anything?

daffsandtulips · 09/04/2015 00:25

If I went to china, would I call chinese foul racists. No of course I wouldnt. If I was born in England from chinese parents would I call English people foul racists, no I wouldnt.

I would respect the country I moved to and my forefathers did and the fact that I obviously earned a good living from.

I would never stay anywhere that I hated or their people but secretly used it as a means to an end. This is actually the issue.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/04/2015 00:26

YANBU to have walked out. YWNBU to stay away for a bit. YANBU to be worried about her either, she is your mum after all - but I wouldn't bother listening to her crap. In fact, I'd be tempted to appear thoroughly rude and put earphones on/in if she started, saying that you'll listen to her when she has something pleasant to say, instead of all the bile and hate that she spouts.

But for now, stay away for a couple of days.

daffsandtulips · 09/04/2015 00:27

I would never dream of going to another country and "expect" a damn thing. If I hankered after my own country then I would go back there. Its very simple.

daffsandtulips · 09/04/2015 00:28

English people yet again are too damn scared to say stop slagging us off to point of ridiculousness, go to where you feel happy then.

daffsandtulips · 09/04/2015 00:30

My friends husband is a Scot, he cannot stop telling me how he hates the English. Well dont be here then is the answer to that one isnt it.

daffsandtulips · 09/04/2015 00:34

I am sick of being "hated" sick to death of it.

sleeponeday · 09/04/2015 00:40

Let's change and challenge "culture". Lets challenge religion. Let's challenge the fact that women in most different cultures need to obey. Let's not spout "racism" lets get tough on these things. Far more important in my book.

Ah. So bigotry is fluffily harmless and we should "give grace" and anyone who wants to challenge it and get tough on it is NASTY... unless it's furriners being bigoted, and altogether prejudiced, which is much more important and needs to be "challenged" and "let's get tough on these things^. Okeydokey then.

sleeponeday · 09/04/2015 00:41

daffs, are you the OP's mother?

daffsandtulips · 09/04/2015 00:43

Im also sure as day is night Im going to get called many more names, yet again hated, go ahead tell me Im a racist biggot that has the intellegence of gnat, in fact, im ignorant. I really no longer care.

But think long and hard about why UKIP has been allowed to gain power.

daffsandtulips · 09/04/2015 00:58

Lets just wait and see then. Im so glad I have a voice again, its a breath of fresh air it really is. When in England do as the English do. Lets not hate nor call names though ay.

daffsandtulips · 09/04/2015 01:06

Its about respect. Respect the country that gives you a living. Respect the fact that Im the colour I am. I feel a real change about to happen and Im sooo happy about it. For far too long the government has repressed the English person in their own country. Its finally changing.

daffsandtulips · 09/04/2015 01:09

I really don't care what you say, I dont care because it doesnt matter to me. You can call me anything you like, feel free. Water off a ducks back

glittertits · 09/04/2015 01:09

Calm down Nigel.

glittertits · 09/04/2015 01:10

Calm down Nigel.

daffsandtulips · 09/04/2015 01:12

Im very calm, very calm indeed you may even call me nigel even though its not a name i like

daffsandtulips · 09/04/2015 01:13

I'll even take the biscuit thanks.

daffsandtulips · 09/04/2015 01:17

No doubt by tomorrow I'll have a barrel full and they will all be greatly accepted

YourKidsYourRulesHunXxx · 09/04/2015 01:23

It's weird, as soon as I saw your post, I was like 'fucking cut her out!'

But my 67 year old grandad has referred to asian people as 'dolly mixtures,' and is a Sun reader who cannot stand immigrants, and I can't say I would cut him out of my life. I think many people would agree with the notion that they have member of their family who they are somewhat close to, that they would ignore in the street if they didn't have history/ shared blood.

My grandparents helped my mum raise me and my sister when she was a single parent, and they actually taught me good morals and helped me be the decent, confident person I am today. I owe them so much, but I won't engage in ideologies because that is where it gets heated.

sleeponeday · 09/04/2015 01:24

But think long and hard about why UKIP has been allowed to gain power.

Did I miss a coup?

textfan · 09/04/2015 01:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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