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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Have Walked Out

400 replies

queeneileen · 08/04/2015 20:23

My mum is truly doing my head in. She's managing to drum up arguments left, right, and centre with both me and my DS(13) I've got to the point where I'm limiting the time DS and DM spend together to less than 30mins at a time - they're as stroppy as each other and wind each other up - but I still go round every night after work for a brew. She's 67, disabled (can still get out and goes out every Saturday night to the local for company), but doesn't really do much socialising during the day.

Aaaaaanyways, she's just becoming more and more argumentative. Yesterday we rowed about politics, royal mail, the SNP, Scotland, her tv guide.
Today it was about employment law and the fact she thinks it's a shame employers can't hire who they want but instead have laws they have to cow-tow to. This was all sparked from her asking if Asians owned my opticians as the place was "flooded" with them. I work for an employment law company and started telling her about (quite sodding obvious) laws in place to stop discrimination happening. Queue massive row where I don't allow her to have her own opinion and it culminated in her accusing me of calling her a racist pig, and me telling her she IS racist. She is - not 15mins before she told me she was nearly sick when the Asian optician was checking her eyes as he was in her face. (note: I'm sorry. It's what she said)

She decided then she was offended that I think she's racist, and offended that I could say that to her in the manner I did. And I just said I was leaving and walked out.

I can't hack listening to her. I can't hack the rows. I can't hack the expectation of me sitting there listening to her spout bullshit because it's her opinion, even if I find it offensive. I end up openly questioning what she's saying and - I'll be honest - telling her she's talking crap.

I'm hugely sad I've walked out but AIBU to have done so?

OP posts:
LisaMed · 11/04/2015 22:23

Nobody on here is hating you for being white, English or female but if you keep fucking over history I'm going to get tetchy.

The Hugenots were French Protestants who were forced to flee France at the end of the seventeenth and beginning of the eighteenth century and many arrived here. I'm using Wiki for speed so I'm not guaranteeing the numbers but I'm confident of the thrust of the information. At that time the 50,000 French immigrants were a massive, massive proportion of the population, far greater than the immigration we are seeing now. It really isn't new.

Seriously, look up Jewish immigration in the East End of London. It isn't new.

daffsandtulips · 11/04/2015 22:24

I dont hate anyone, have known people to hate me though, so I find the fact that you say nasty things once again a bit more about you than me.

Kampeki · 11/04/2015 22:25

You can state what you feel, or you can reflect on why so many people are telling you that you are wrong.

Your choice.

Chippednailvarnish · 11/04/2015 22:26

No one has been nasty, everything said about you has been factual.

daffsandtulips · 11/04/2015 22:27

Im not talking "history" im talking 20 years. So quoting that really isn't what its about here and now.

Lillysmommy · 11/04/2015 22:27

Yabu I think your forgetting what life the older generation had when they were younger it was a different world back then your being totally unreasonable to not sit and listen to her as she knows no different it's ignorant to not take other peoples life experiences into consideration. What the world is now is a million miles from her life as a child, you don't have to agree with her but ask her y do you think that mom? Let her explain then walk away if it's totally rubbish.

pinningwobble · 11/04/2015 22:29

lillysmommy are you and Daffs the same person by any chance? Hmm

LisaMed · 11/04/2015 22:30

daffsandtulips People on here aren't saying they hate you. They are saying that you have your facts wrong. There is a difference.

btw if you feel like a read about bigotry try Europe's Inner Demons. It is scary how the same old stuff keeps getting recycled.

Chippednailvarnish · 11/04/2015 22:30

It's greatly reassuring to see that the disgusting views on this thread are only held by one lone poster (and the OP's Mum who is clearly unwell).

Kampeki · 11/04/2015 22:31

Looks like it. Grin

Hello lilly Grin

Chippednailvarnish · 11/04/2015 22:31

Spoke too soon

Kampeki · 11/04/2015 22:32

It's greatly reassuring to see that the disgusting views on this thread are only held by one lone poster (and the OP's Mum who is clearly unwell).

And a sock! Wink

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 11/04/2015 22:33
Grin

Narrow minded, patronising of older people, appalling grammar and makes almost no sense.

That's our friend Daffs for sure!

daffsandtulips · 11/04/2015 22:33

No it hasnt been "factual" chipped. Ive said and keep on saying things take time. Ive said that the massive influx of immigrants has had and effect. Ive said that give grace to the country that is having this on mass. Ive said that the people that come here should take into account that they need to adapt and we dont. Nothing wrong with that. I wouldnt dream of going to another country and being rude enough to expect that it was my right.

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 11/04/2015 22:34

Lisa, I would go a bit further than that.

It is not just that I hate the fact Daff has her facts wrong

I do genuinely hate her views.

LisaMed · 11/04/2015 22:35

My dad is 83. He grew up in a rural area. He left school at fourteen. He was the son of a farm laborer and a lass from a farming community who had been 'in service'.

He hasn't just seen things change over the last 20 years. He saw the settlement of people from Poland and Ukraine, in large numbers, sixty years ago. Fifty years ago he saw the news reels of the Windrush and Afro Caribbean immigration. Forty years ago he was seeing the rise of the curry houses. And his father, born 1900, farm laborer that only left the town to fight in WW1, didn't do racism though he read all about the Jewish menace in the thirties.

It isn't new

daffsandtulips · 11/04/2015 22:35

I never said that my "grammar" was on par. I never said i was uni educated, I am speaking for me. Patronising much there Enjoy?

pinningwobble · 11/04/2015 22:36

Sadly Daffs isn't a lone voice in this. The views of many of my family members and all over my facebook news feed say similar things.

Best one I ever heard was my uncle complaining about polish people he overheard on a bus 'not even bothering to speak english'. He is retired and spends half the year in Greece. Does he speak a word of Greek? No. Does he see even a hint of irony? Of course not!

Kampeki · 11/04/2015 22:36

I don't hate daffs. I pity her.

I despise her views, but really, it must be terrible to go through life so full of hatred and bitterness.

daffsandtulips · 11/04/2015 22:38

Is your dad pretty comfortable though Lisa? did you go to uni and medical school? hmmmm.

daffsandtulips · 11/04/2015 22:39

Grin I hate no one. Now its pity?

daffsandtulips · 11/04/2015 22:40

projection? maybe?

Lillysmommy · 11/04/2015 22:40

Nope I'm not daffs, I just think the older generation think a lot differently to us not saying I agree with all of it, but I don't think we should call them racist is all.

Kampeki · 11/04/2015 22:40

Yes, daffs, I pity you. Genuinely.

Kampeki · 11/04/2015 22:41

Projection of what?