Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Have Walked Out

400 replies

queeneileen · 08/04/2015 20:23

My mum is truly doing my head in. She's managing to drum up arguments left, right, and centre with both me and my DS(13) I've got to the point where I'm limiting the time DS and DM spend together to less than 30mins at a time - they're as stroppy as each other and wind each other up - but I still go round every night after work for a brew. She's 67, disabled (can still get out and goes out every Saturday night to the local for company), but doesn't really do much socialising during the day.

Aaaaaanyways, she's just becoming more and more argumentative. Yesterday we rowed about politics, royal mail, the SNP, Scotland, her tv guide.
Today it was about employment law and the fact she thinks it's a shame employers can't hire who they want but instead have laws they have to cow-tow to. This was all sparked from her asking if Asians owned my opticians as the place was "flooded" with them. I work for an employment law company and started telling her about (quite sodding obvious) laws in place to stop discrimination happening. Queue massive row where I don't allow her to have her own opinion and it culminated in her accusing me of calling her a racist pig, and me telling her she IS racist. She is - not 15mins before she told me she was nearly sick when the Asian optician was checking her eyes as he was in her face. (note: I'm sorry. It's what she said)

She decided then she was offended that I think she's racist, and offended that I could say that to her in the manner I did. And I just said I was leaving and walked out.

I can't hack listening to her. I can't hack the rows. I can't hack the expectation of me sitting there listening to her spout bullshit because it's her opinion, even if I find it offensive. I end up openly questioning what she's saying and - I'll be honest - telling her she's talking crap.

I'm hugely sad I've walked out but AIBU to have done so?

OP posts:
daffsandtulips · 11/04/2015 22:07

I am saying that English have had it on mass. Thats what Im saying and have been told to shut up and get on with it. Well, thats not the case now. I have said that there needs to be an ajdustment. I know I am hated for being white and not wanting to marry another culture. Its fine.

pinningwobble · 11/04/2015 22:09

I know I am hated for being white and not wanting to marry another culture. Its fine.

What in gods' name are you on about? Are you aware that the majority of this country is white?

I am white (or I look white, anyway). I feel the benefits of it every single day.

florascotia · 11/04/2015 22:10

But, Daffs, the 'influx' simply isn't 'massive', whatever you mean by 'denominations'. Just have a look at the facts, from government figures:

The highest annual total of net immigration to the UK ever recorded was 252,000 in 2010. (see Figure 1 at www.migrationobservatory.ox.ac.uk/briefings/long-term-international-migration-flows-and-uk - this is taken from the government's Office of National Statistics figures). At that time, the UK population was 62.7 million. Not a very large proportion...

Since 2010 net immigration has been falling. And, as I said above, almost half all immigrants only stay here temporarily.

Originally, we were all immigrants. The British Isles were depopulated during the last Ice Age and were re-settled by immigrants afterwards ...

LisaMed · 11/04/2015 22:10

daffsandtulips Mass immigration has happened before.

Can anyone remind me of the dates? I am sure it was the 1890s when there was a mass immigration of Eastern European Jews. It was long enough ago to make a difference to patterns of social interaction in London and to identify eg Spurs as a Jewish club and to fuel Oswald Moseley. I'm in Leeds and there have been a lot of Central European influences going back a century or more eg Marks & Spencers

Speaking of denominations, if you have ever watched an Old Firm match in Glasgow (Celtic v Rangers) you are watching competing Christian denominations ie Catholic and Protestant which is the nasty racism that masquerades as religious division that was the result of the mass immigration of Irish in the mid-nineteenth century.

Mass immigration is a fact of life in the UK. How about the influx of French at the end of the seventeenth century? It really isn't new. My father grew up in the thirties, in a rural, deprived area. He didn't do 'racist' and he didn't do 'stupid'. Racism is about insecurity, fear, ignorance and bigotry. It isn't about age.

What is new is that there is more access to television which is added to lazy thinking.

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 11/04/2015 22:11

Daffs, your last post makes no sense. At all.

daffsandtulips · 11/04/2015 22:11

Im also saying its on a life experience basis too. Im saying things take time and getting so much verbal abuse about it Im sad.

Kampeki · 11/04/2015 22:13

I am white, and have never felt hated for it, here or abroad. Perhaps people might be reacting to you negatively for a different reason?

As you have persistently refused to answer my straightforward question with a straightforward answer, I'll take it as a "yes".

Which tells me all that I need to know about you, really.

daffsandtulips · 11/04/2015 22:14

I feel hated for being a white English female. Explain that then? Im asking for understanding and getting such, yet again, hate from most on here its sad. I have never ever called anyone stupid, racist, moronic.

What on earth is going on?

pinningwobble · 11/04/2015 22:15

Daffs it's interesting that you're complaining about 'verbal abuse' and yet to someone like me whose parent would literally not be alive today were it not for the fact that he was able to come and live here, your posts are actually massively offensive and very upsetting.

daffsandtulips · 11/04/2015 22:15

You dont know a thing about me kampeki so yet again, I have no understanding why you are being nasty?

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 11/04/2015 22:16

"What on earth is going on?"

We are reacting against the profoundly disturbing views that you are trotting out.

I have never felt hated for being white in this country. Where on earth do you live?

Chippednailvarnish · 11/04/2015 22:16

I love the way you paint yourself as a victim. You certainly are sad. There has been no verbal abuse on this thread, just statements of fact. You are shockingly ignorant about British history, you hold bigoted small minded views and I doubt you are widely travelled.
Worst still you support a political party that plans to legislate against you as a woman.

And I'll put money on the fact that you have no idea what absurd means.

pinningwobble · 11/04/2015 22:16

who exactly hates you for being white and english? I suspect a lot of us on this thread are white and english.

daffsandtulips · 11/04/2015 22:17

Im not saying I dont understand why people have had to come to England, I dont understand why we are hated for it? bizarre.

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 11/04/2015 22:18

Victim complex???

Kampeki is not being nasty to you.

I will sign off. I have been on mumsnet for a few years, and I can honestly say I have never come across someone quite so ignorant, narrow minded and, I don't like the word but don't have the energy to think of an alternative, thick, as you Daff.

daffsandtulips · 11/04/2015 22:18

I dont understand why English people are not given grace to come to terms with mass immigration. Yet again bizarre.

Kampeki · 11/04/2015 22:19

I know enough, daffs, from what I have read on here. From what you have said, I'm really not interested in knowing any more.

I am a white English female. I am not hated. If you are hated, I suggest that there may be other reasons for this. Your posts on this thread might harbour some clues.

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 11/04/2015 22:19

"I don't understand"

You said it.

daffsandtulips · 11/04/2015 22:19

Im none of the above. Im not sure why you have such a view enjoy. Im sorry you feel that way.

pinningwobble · 11/04/2015 22:20

daffs 'mass immigration' as you call it, has, as others have pointed out, been happening for hundreds of years. Is that not enough of an adjustment period?

And no, when someone arrives in this country having been tortured and watched friends and family members die, no one should have any 'grace period' to get used to it. It's common human compassion.

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 11/04/2015 22:20

Kampeki, you just nailed it.

Daff, the fact you are apparently hated by so many has bugger all to do with the colour of your skin.

Chippednailvarnish · 11/04/2015 22:20

You're being rather restrained there Enjoying!

daffsandtulips · 11/04/2015 22:21

Ok kampeki, mine is not to wonder why you feel as you do. I can only state how I feel of course.

pinningwobble · 11/04/2015 22:22

Oh and also, the reason UKIP are suddenly so in vogue is because the UK contains a lot of idiots stupid enough to believe everything they read in the Daily Mail.

daffsandtulips · 11/04/2015 22:22

Kampeki didnt nail it nor did you chipped. Unfortunately it did have to do with the colour of my skin.