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Houseguest From Hell: The Outcome

314 replies

Lilylonglegs · 08/04/2015 11:43

This is for all those who were following the original thread, asking whether I would be unreasonable to kick out my friend who was visiting for a week after her scathing comments and seeming reluctance to leave at the appointed date.

For all those who thought the story was not true, oh how I wish it wasn't, and for all those who advised me to drop the bag at the hospital. YOU WERE RIGHT.

I was feeling guilt at not sticking to the original dates and wanted to at least let her stay the next few days as agreed, however things came to light that let me know FOR SURE that she had no intention of leaving despite the mediation session and being blatantly told that she was not welcome.

Let me rewind back to yesterday. I called her at 5.30pm and she asked me to come back and get the boy. I said that I was not nearby (I hate the way how I was driven into basically becoming a liar like her) and she said that the other friend who lives nearby (who according to her begged her to stay in her house) who she met in France (let me call her French Friend) can come and take him. I said that was best as I didn't know what time I was coming back. She said that she would call her and make the arrangements.

I then called her at 9.30pm and told her that I still was not home, that I would stay the night at my mums house and go back in the morning as I had misplaced my key (another lie from me) She then made a joke that it was a good job they were keeping her in as if she had been out we would have both been "sleeping outside" I did wonder why she wouldn't go to FF if the son was there but I didn't mention it.

I asked what the doctors were saying and she said they took blood and she has to wait 48 hours for the results. I asked what the likely outcome was if there was a clot. She said that she would be put on treatment. I then asked where the son was and she told me that FF came and spent the day with her and was at the hospital between 1 and 5, and then took him home with her at 5. (Remember I spoke to her at 5.30pm and she was going to call FF to come and get the son.)

After sitting and thinking about it and coming to the conclusion that there was no way this was not just a bunch of BS (I would like to give her the benefit of the doubt, and think that just MAYBE she had good intentions but has a different was of going about things than me) I texted her at 10.30pm "Please send me FF address so I can drop the case off there."

There was no reply and I went to bed. In the morning I saw texts she had sent from 12.30am later that night. Saying, "You need to let me come out of the hospital. I cant stay as FF's house as she is under the government (she means council housing) and she called me a few minutes ago that her daughter has been rushed to the hospital so she will need to return DS to the hospital tomorrow morning so you need to have patience as this is a very difficult time for me. I should be out of here tomorrow because the results are out and everything is fine."

These were the texts that made me realise that she is really just a liar and a user. Plus I was with my mum when the texts came through and she went ballistic saying that I should not let her back in the house at all as she is spinning story after story. It is funny how everyone who desperately wants to house her goes on holiday or has some other emergency. It was also funny how at 9.30pm there was all this talk about results in 48 hours and needing treatment but then just 3 hours later, she is completely fine and leaving in the morning.

So I went home packed up all her stuff. All the bags of food shopping she had done (enough to last a few weeks not a few days) and the suitcase. I went to the hospital and dropped it on the reception at the ward. I do think this was somewhat cowardly on my part but I really didn't want to face her non stop sob stories etc. By the time I had got back to the car she was already texting me saying that I need to call her and we need to talk. I said "I had my own emergency. My mum has dropped your bags." She still kept sending texts saying that I should call her and that we really need to talk. No doubt she was still hoping on persuading me to stay. I then went a step further and told her "I'm already on the way to the airport. You already told me you had made other plans."

After this I guess she knew there was no coming back and then came the texts about me being heartless and wicked culminating and a rant about she knows I came to the hospital because the staff told her that it was me and my mum, how I ran away and didn't even attempt to see her on her sick bed. How she is seriously shocked by my behaviour, and she can't believe her life has come to this, how can she know such a wicked person.

I just said "I was not there. I don't know who ran."

That was the last contact I had with her. I am spending the day at my mums and although I feel guilty and not holding up to my end of the agreement by letting her stay until the time agreed I feel relieved to have my house back, as I don't think she would have left, and even now I am worried about her turning up, and even worse staying in the area somehow.

OP posts:
MiscellaneousAssortment · 10/04/2015 11:39

It still doesn't matter that she's not a nice person, as you don't have to be a nice person to be a parent.

It sounds very sad, and personally I'd be far more concerned about the childs welfare, and want to help him. But practically, not much would be different as fear of reprisals, confusion and non provable 'facts', and the reality of a stretched children protection service would mean the boys situation wouldnt change.

Nettymaniaa · 10/04/2015 11:50

You can use informal fostering and family but you need to notify social services if you do. Direct effect of Climbie's case. Social services don't discourage it in fact they frequently utilise family members in a plan for a family in crisis but they do monitor it. No one is saying the child is abused. Neglect is the category of need that would most likely be applied here because of home situation being volatile because of mothers priorities, lack of access to education and possible lack af access to health care. This lady took herself off to hospital but we don't know for sure if she would prioritise her child health in the same way. A really great document about safeguarding and African children is very clear on this. The sofa would play no part in a hypothetical referral lets just clarify that. One of the biggest flags would be the disrupted access to education at mothers will if that was the case. Sofa surfing is not and never has been either a flag for safeguarding a crime. Flying under the radar in different countries is a huge flag for child safety. I am not having a go at Lilly here just trying to put it out there that this child's situation has the potential to have an impact. I think lily has been in a difficult situation and I am more communicating this to the collective believers that you have to either commit a crime or be abusing someone for social services to be involved. I don't even think I have used the term child protection here too much more safeguarding.

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 10/04/2015 11:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

giantpurplepeopleeater · 10/04/2015 12:07

Phew! Read the threads. Boy you've had a fun Easter OP, haven't you!?

I think you are probably right to take steps to not allow this woman to con you into providing for her further.

You have confirmation that her boy is with FF, and that she is in hospital. If the hospital have any concerns about her boy (if he is there too long/ not having an adult to go hime with) or about where she will go once she leaves hospital, they will raise it with SS.

Personally I think you've done the right thing, and can rest knowing that other people are now looking after them.

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 10/04/2015 12:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fairenuff · 10/04/2015 12:35

No, she is out of hospital now.

Netty's post above really sums up what we have been trying to say to OP. I don't know where posters got the idea that anyone wanted the child taken away, or that SS is a bad thing for this boy and his mother.

Many people have talked about abuse which, imo, is extreme. As Netty says, if anything it would be neglect that is affecting the child. Just change the word abuse into neglect and it might be more clear why we are saying he just needs someone to check on his welfare.

the OP hasn't seen any signs that this child is being abused.

His lifestyle isn't ideal but it doesn't seem abusive.

And also 'neglect' in this case isn't necessarily about whether he is fed and clothed, it's the lack of care that often cannot be seen from the outside.

This is all hypothetical now because we all know OP isn't going to make the call.

TenerifeSea · 10/04/2015 18:19

"I don't know what is true and what is not."

Mhmm.

skinoncustard · 10/04/2015 19:41

"I don't know what is true and what is not."

Neither do I !

mathanxiety · 11/04/2015 08:03

What is to stop her meeting some random stranger at the pub and moving in with him next week, along with the child?

Lilylonglegs · 11/04/2015 08:17

from what she told me is she does have limits. She did say if she was by herself she could get accommodation clicking fingers just like that but with DS she has to be careful. mathanxiety

OP posts:
Topseyt · 11/04/2015 10:26

I wouldn't think that you can believe a single word this woman utters.

Dossing down with different people she barely even knows and moving on all the time hardly smacks of someone who has any concept of limits or boundaries at all.

She seems to see no problem bringing up her son under such circumstances, and I doubt it can end well.

christinarossetti · 11/04/2015 16:56

No, it's unlikely to end well.

But that's not Lily's responsibility.

Lilylonglegs · 11/04/2015 17:46

You are right I can't believe a word.

OP posts:
Topseyt · 11/04/2015 17:58

I am not intending to say that it is her responsibility.

Just commenting because this thread continues to fascinate. I did tell Lily earlier that I thought she had done the right thing and should just move on now.

Yarp · 11/04/2015 18:24

Totally agree with mathanxiety

But as long as the poor little sod is well fed and well clothed, he must be OK.

I do not undertsand why someone as clued up as the Op started this thread in the first place.

And not responding defensively to accusations of her being a troll is a pretty savvy move on her part. Those kinds of thread get closed down pretty quickly, whereas this one has run and run

mathanxiety · 11/04/2015 20:03

Yes, with her DS tagging along with her she has been so careful that she moved in with a boyfriend in Switzerland and surprise surprise! he turned out to have an angry wife..

Lilylonglegs · 11/04/2015 21:22

Mathanxiety she moved in with a woman in Switzerland whom she had met on a previous visit and had kept in touch via skype like me! The boyfriend was in Italy and she was trying to get away from him after wife turned up.

Yarp I find it incredible how so many stories on here people come out yelling about trolls. I feel like if I added even more details the troll accusations would multiply greatly! I don't mind being called a troll as I know why people are saying it. They cannot fathom it because it is waaaay out of their experience. Mumsnet was very therapeutic for me during that very trying time, so I take the good with the bad. I guess we all live different lives so to some certain stories are far fetched. This by far IS NOT the weirdest or outrageous thing I have come across so I guess my mind boggles as to why every story that is not within's ones experience is deemed TROLLING!

As far as being clued up yes I am to an extent but at the same time chucking someone out of my house is something I have never had to do. It never even occurred to me you could tell someone that they were not welcome and they would actually refuse to leave your house. I kept putting myself in her situation and thought there is no way I wouldn't take enough money should something happen and no way I wouldn't even look up alternatives beforehand. I also had to think well what if everything she says is true. Her friend really just did disappear on her, she really has a blood clot, she really can't fly etc etc... and my conclusion was I still don't want her in my house and I am willing to lose any "friendship" we had over it.

OP posts:
Bettercallsaul1 · 11/04/2015 21:51

People don't call "troll" on a thread just because of the content of a thread: events described can be far-fetched but still perfectly believable.

It is the style and especially the tone of posts that raise red flags, plus the inclusion of sensationalist detail which is in no way relevant to the issues of the thread.

Lilylonglegs · 11/04/2015 21:54

;) If you say so Bettercallsaul1 This place must be teeming with trolls because I see the accusations on every other thread!

OP posts:
Lilylonglegs · 11/04/2015 21:55

But in saying that you have a point because I use to blog and naturally write in that way.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 11/04/2015 22:53

Oh yes, it was in Italy that the boyfriend lived whom she knew so well and took so few chances with that she was surprised when his angry wife showed up..
This makes all the difference -- how?

Following that, she took the child off to Switzerland and enrolled him in school there despite the fact that he didn't speak the language of the canton.

Decisions made with her own relationships and her own convenience in mind and nothing to do with the best interests of the child.

skinoncustard · 11/04/2015 23:38

This is just boring now!

Icimoi · 11/04/2015 23:53

Why is it automatically cruel to enrol a child in a school where he doesn't speak the language? It happens in UK schools all the time without all the children concerned being referred to Social Services.

mathanxiety · 12/04/2015 02:18

Who said cruel?

It was a decision made without regard for the child's best interest -- that would have meant staying in Italy. She decided to go to Switzerland because she was offered a place to stay, despite the fact that her son couldn't have understood what was going on in school and couldn't have made friends. Now he has been hoiked out of that school and has yet to be enrolled in another one.

All of this homelessness and dislocation in places the son is not familiar with is done out of the mother's choice and based on her weird notion that her 'friends' and mere acquaintances owe her and her child a place to stay while she works on her next man.

Coyoacan · 12/04/2015 05:05

I must admit mathanxiety has a good point. Many years ago I knew a mother like HG and a couple of years later her dd had been taken into care in another country.
It does not sound like much of a life for the poor wee thing.

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