Houseguest From Hell: The Outcome

[Lilylonglegs]

This is for all those who were following the original thread, asking whether I would be unreasonable to kick out my friend who was visiting for a week after her scathing comments and seeming reluctance to leave at the appointed date.

For all those who thought the story was not true, oh how I wish it wasn't, and for all those who advised me to drop the bag at the hospital. YOU WERE RIGHT.

I was feeling guilt at not sticking to the original dates and wanted to at least let her stay the next few days as agreed, however things came to light that let me know FOR SURE that she had no intention of leaving despite the mediation session and being blatantly told that she was not welcome.

Let me rewind back to yesterday. I called her at 5.30pm and she asked me to come back and get the boy. I said that I was not nearby (I hate the way how I was driven into basically becoming a liar like her) and she said that the other friend who lives nearby (who according to her begged her to stay in her house) who she met in France (let me call her French Friend) can come and take him. I said that was best as I didn't know what time I was coming back. She said that she would call her and make the arrangements.

I then called her at 9.30pm and told her that I still was not home, that I would stay the night at my mums house and go back in the morning as I had misplaced my key (another lie from me) She then made a joke that it was a good job they were keeping her in as if she had been out we would have both been "sleeping outside" I did wonder why she wouldn't go to FF if the son was there but I didn't mention it.

I asked what the doctors were saying and she said they took blood and she has to wait 48 hours for the results. I asked what the likely outcome was if there was a clot. She said that she would be put on treatment. I then asked where the son was and she told me that FF came and spent the day with her and was at the hospital between 1 and 5, and then took him home with her at 5. (Remember I spoke to her at 5.30pm and she was going to call FF to come and get the son.)

After sitting and thinking about it and coming to the conclusion that there was no way this was not just a bunch of BS (I would like to give her the benefit of the doubt, and think that just MAYBE she had good intentions but has a different was of going about things than me) I texted her at 10.30pm "Please send me FF address so I can drop the case off there."

There was no reply and I went to bed. In the morning I saw texts she had sent from 12.30am later that night. Saying, "You need to let me come out of the hospital. I cant stay as FF's house as she is under the government (she means council housing) and she called me a few minutes ago that her daughter has been rushed to the hospital so she will need to return DS to the hospital tomorrow morning so you need to have patience as this is a very difficult time for me. I should be out of here tomorrow because the results are out and everything is fine."

These were the texts that made me realise that she is really just a liar and a user. Plus I was with my mum when the texts came through and she went ballistic saying that I should not let her back in the house at all as she is spinning story after story. It is funny how everyone who desperately wants to house her goes on holiday or has some other emergency. It was also funny how at 9.30pm there was all this talk about results in 48 hours and needing treatment but then just 3 hours later, she is completely fine and leaving in the morning.

So I went home packed up all her stuff. All the bags of food shopping she had done (enough to last a few weeks not a few days) and the suitcase. I went to the hospital and dropped it on the reception at the ward. I do think this was somewhat cowardly on my part but I really didn't want to face her non stop sob stories etc. By the time I had got back to the car she was already texting me saying that I need to call her and we need to talk. I said "I had my own emergency. My mum has dropped your bags." She still kept sending texts saying that I should call her and that we really need to talk. No doubt she was still hoping on persuading me to stay. I then went a step further and told her "I'm already on the way to the airport. You already told me you had made other plans."

After this I guess she knew there was no coming back and then came the texts about me being heartless and wicked culminating and a rant about she knows I came to the hospital because the staff told her that it was me and my mum, how I ran away and didn't even attempt to see her on her sick bed. How she is seriously shocked by my behaviour, and she can't believe her life has come to this, how can she know such a wicked person.

I just said "I was not there. I don't know who ran."

That was the last contact I had with her. I am spending the day at my mums and although I feel guilty and not holding up to my end of the agreement by letting her stay until the time agreed I feel relieved to have my house back, as I don't think she would have left, and even now I am worried about her turning up, and even worse staying in the area somehow.

Icimoi if you are right and no authorities would want to make any further checks on the boy, then no harm in contacting them is there. OP could rest easy that she did what she could to make sure he is safe.

One phone call.

But she won't.

So there is no point going over it really. Some would, some wouldn't. OP wouldn't. There it is. Que sera sera.

Hi everyone - we've had quite a few reports about troll hunting on this thread, so we're just popping in to remind you all of our Talk Guidelines. We will be deleting any troll hunting off the thread.

If you have any concerns, please report these to us and we'll happily take a closer look.

Fairenuff, I must admit I'd hesitate about making such an obviously pointless call as that. I wouldn't particularly want to get flagged up at Social Services as a scaremonger in case I subsequently had to make a call about a serious concern.

DrankSangria, I thought the return ticket was open? Though if it was for today, maybe the houseguest is now safely on her way back to Europe.

I doubt very much that HG is on her way home. She's still lingering around.

Like this thread.

: the activity or sport of chasing and killing wild animals

: the activity of searching for something

In this sense, is a troll considered a wild animal? Are pps killing anyone?

This thread reminds me of that dress we were all looking at a month or so ago. Some people saw white and gold: others were adamant it was blue and black. Neither side could understand how the other side could see anything different. This thread seems to be having the same effect.

In that case, in the end, the true colours were revealed. The others were shown to be an illusion: a trick of the light.

Yeah, but I got the dress colours right. I've got more confidence in my colour perception than my ability to tell whether a story's real

I got the colours right too, Gralick and I'd put money on being right about this thread too!

That dress was hideous.

Icimoi, what is wrong with taking ten minutes out of your life, making the call, and leaving it to SS to decide?

You do not have to present a prima facie case to social services. You just have to voice the concerns you have. After that the rest is up to them.

You can wash your hands of it all, knowing that better minds than yours, with access to more by way of a person's records and paperwork than you have, have taken a look, which they are obliged to do.

Not only is the OP refusing to take any responsibility for the welfare of a child who may be in jeopardy, she won't contact the father or the embassy. The mother may well have left Switzerland without permission of the father. The child now looks likely to be dumped in Ghana, again possibly without input from his father.

Do you seriously believe that a person answering her call at the local SS office would go all Gestapo on her the way you have portrayed?

Maths. I don't get your insistence that the OP should call SS. I don't see any reason to call at all.

So far the HG from hell has shown very little concern for her DS: she put him in a German-speaking school in Switzerland when he speaks no German; she is now talking about sending him to school in Ghana (while she stays in Europe, when he has spent most (if not all) of his life in Europe and/or America (it is hard to work out all the many time lines in this thread and the last) when he has little or no cultural experience of Ghana. It's irrelevant if this is or is not the Ghanaian norm - it is not the norm for this child.

I genuinely feel sorry for the child. And for the next one. HG seems only to think of herself and where the next boyfriend and thus money stream is coming from.

The mother is an unstable liar who may or may not be a good enough judge of character to spot someone who would abuse her son. She is forced through circumstances of her own creation into living with friends and acquaintances she met on holiday, sleeping in spare rooms/on sofas. She has no idea who else may be living with the people she foists herself on, or who their family members are, or whether anyone she lives with who may have access to the boy is a potential child abuser.

All of her decisions that we are aware of, including moving from Italy to Switzerland where the child didn't speak the language, were made purely with her own interests in mind international bed hopping is her thing apparently, and none took into account the child's need to be in school and to live a settled life or her responsibility to provide those basics for him. Nor do any of her decisions reflect the fact that the child has a father who is entitled to input as to his child's welfare and custody. The decision she is currently mulling over involves making herself an illegal alien in Canada more bed hopping, with the inconvenient child dumped god knows where, possibly in Ghana, possibly with the friend she met several years ago in France briefly.

All of which points to the suspicion that this woman is an unfit parent who puts herself first every time she has a choice.

The OP said she will not be contacting SS. I don't understand why some posters cannot accept this and harbour the false belief that if they keep posting, they will somehow manage to sway or guilt the OP into following their advice.

Good on the OP for standing up for herself and not allowing a bunch of Internet strangers to sway her.

I didn't say anything about Social Services - just pointing out that HG does not seem to be a particularly caring parent.

we do not legislate to remove children from parents who are "not particularly caring". The burden of proof is actually quite high to remove a child - anyone involved in fostering and adoption sees the consequences of that - and wish children could be removed when alarm bells start to ring. I have a child in the house now who had such severe damage to him by the age of 5 that the consequences are life long.

OTOH the idea that we could be involved in some sort of social engineering, removing children from those we don't approve of into a socially more acceptable home, is not particularly attractive, nor is it legal.

There is a huge amount of naivety on this thread about the role of SS in the UK.

loiner great post. All sorts have children. The same way I don't agree with everything she does as a parent she may not agree with everything I do. I still don't see staying with distant friends on holiday as being SS worthy. Who is to dictate who makes a "close friend" I say this because my "close friend" who, I met her through lives in America. I see him perhaps once or twice a year in various countries for a few days at a time, who is to say he even sees me as a close friend! Imagine I went to go and stay with hm and someone reported me for being unfit for "sofa surfing"?

Loiter,nowhere in my posts have I suggested that the child be removed.
That issue is separate from the way HG casually treats her son, as some posters have made reference to him as being well cared for, when the opposite appears to be true from all that OP has stated about her

Please do not quote from my post to then equate it with a demand to contact SS when the reverse is true. It is disingenuous to say the least. To then equate it with "social engineering" is incredible and appears as nothing more or less than either wilful misunderstanding for some perverse reason or a deliberate attempt to be goady.

I am not even suggesting that the child would be removed or fostered. That is a projection of posters who see SS as akin to the child snatcher in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

Just that SS might work with the mother to establish a permanent abode if she is entitled to one in the UK, help her get access to welfare if she is entitled to any, monitor her to ensure the child is registered in school, goes to school, and is fed and clothed.

Or they might try to unite him with his Italian father in hopes that he would be housed, clothed and fed and sent to school in his own native land where he speaks the language and where his school and medical records are maintained, the state he considered home up until his mother decided to uproot him and drag him off to her BF's home in Switzerland with no thought to his best interests that is.

Once again, and it is very tempting to accompany my post with an eye roll this time, it is not the sofa surfing per se that is a potential danger for the child. It is the fact that this woman bounces around from home to home of people she met randomly and casually, to whom she lies about her intentions and possibly about her past and her plans for the child, people who clearly do not know her very well at all (the OP is a case in point) with a ten year old child in tow who has not been told to stay out of other people's bedrooms and appears not to have a functional sense of boundaries to get him through English life that are red flags here.