Houseguest From Hell: The Outcome

[Lilylonglegs]

This is for all those who were following the original thread, asking whether I would be unreasonable to kick out my friend who was visiting for a week after her scathing comments and seeming reluctance to leave at the appointed date.

For all those who thought the story was not true, oh how I wish it wasn't, and for all those who advised me to drop the bag at the hospital. YOU WERE RIGHT.

I was feeling guilt at not sticking to the original dates and wanted to at least let her stay the next few days as agreed, however things came to light that let me know FOR SURE that she had no intention of leaving despite the mediation session and being blatantly told that she was not welcome.

Let me rewind back to yesterday. I called her at 5.30pm and she asked me to come back and get the boy. I said that I was not nearby (I hate the way how I was driven into basically becoming a liar like her) and she said that the other friend who lives nearby (who according to her begged her to stay in her house) who she met in France (let me call her French Friend) can come and take him. I said that was best as I didn't know what time I was coming back. She said that she would call her and make the arrangements.

I then called her at 9.30pm and told her that I still was not home, that I would stay the night at my mums house and go back in the morning as I had misplaced my key (another lie from me) She then made a joke that it was a good job they were keeping her in as if she had been out we would have both been "sleeping outside" I did wonder why she wouldn't go to FF if the son was there but I didn't mention it.

I asked what the doctors were saying and she said they took blood and she has to wait 48 hours for the results. I asked what the likely outcome was if there was a clot. She said that she would be put on treatment. I then asked where the son was and she told me that FF came and spent the day with her and was at the hospital between 1 and 5, and then took him home with her at 5. (Remember I spoke to her at 5.30pm and she was going to call FF to come and get the son.)

After sitting and thinking about it and coming to the conclusion that there was no way this was not just a bunch of BS (I would like to give her the benefit of the doubt, and think that just MAYBE she had good intentions but has a different was of going about things than me) I texted her at 10.30pm "Please send me FF address so I can drop the case off there."

There was no reply and I went to bed. In the morning I saw texts she had sent from 12.30am later that night. Saying, "You need to let me come out of the hospital. I cant stay as FF's house as she is under the government (she means council housing) and she called me a few minutes ago that her daughter has been rushed to the hospital so she will need to return DS to the hospital tomorrow morning so you need to have patience as this is a very difficult time for me. I should be out of here tomorrow because the results are out and everything is fine."

These were the texts that made me realise that she is really just a liar and a user. Plus I was with my mum when the texts came through and she went ballistic saying that I should not let her back in the house at all as she is spinning story after story. It is funny how everyone who desperately wants to house her goes on holiday or has some other emergency. It was also funny how at 9.30pm there was all this talk about results in 48 hours and needing treatment but then just 3 hours later, she is completely fine and leaving in the morning.

So I went home packed up all her stuff. All the bags of food shopping she had done (enough to last a few weeks not a few days) and the suitcase. I went to the hospital and dropped it on the reception at the ward. I do think this was somewhat cowardly on my part but I really didn't want to face her non stop sob stories etc. By the time I had got back to the car she was already texting me saying that I need to call her and we need to talk. I said "I had my own emergency. My mum has dropped your bags." She still kept sending texts saying that I should call her and that we really need to talk. No doubt she was still hoping on persuading me to stay. I then went a step further and told her "I'm already on the way to the airport. You already told me you had made other plans."

After this I guess she knew there was no coming back and then came the texts about me being heartless and wicked culminating and a rant about she knows I came to the hospital because the staff told her that it was me and my mum, how I ran away and didn't even attempt to see her on her sick bed. How she is seriously shocked by my behaviour, and she can't believe her life has come to this, how can she know such a wicked person.

I just said "I was not there. I don't know who ran."

That was the last contact I had with her. I am spending the day at my mums and although I feel guilty and not holding up to my end of the agreement by letting her stay until the time agreed I feel relieved to have my house back, as I don't think she would have left, and even now I am worried about her turning up, and even worse staying in the area somehow.

I did not suggest that the child should be removed either. It was all about helping him, making sure he is ok and that his father or other relatives aren't worrying about him, not knowing where he is. Also, to make sure that his education doesn't suffer through long absences from school.

all this nonsense about "we do not legislate to remove children" is just reading a whole lot more into posts that merely exhibited concern for the boy.

Of course "we do not legislate" because it is Parliament that legislates. Social workers have to work within the confines of the law - one does not need an intimate knowledge of SS to understand that, so it is strange to then state that some posters are naïve about the role of SS in the UK when of course there is no way of knowing what personal experience and/or knowledge individuals may have of SS.

FWIW the references to contacting SS on this thread and especially on the previous one were made due to a combination of factors, not least of which was the lack of concern for the boy's general well-being from the adults in his life. As one stage it appeared the boy had been removed from Swtzerland without his father's consent or knowledge. Which is a very serious matter and a case where the appropriate authorities should be informed.

Lily, nevermind you calling SS on her. What if she will call them on you? I'd be very cautious about it. She might just want to gef back at you and this is the way to do it.
Sorry, don't mean to scare you. Hopefully she's not that vicious.

Do you not yet regret posting it all in the first place? :)

You mentioned Victoria Climbie earlier. A paper on Anna that was the name she had to take on the fake ID identified the following as risk factors. The other was the fake mother figure moving in with an abusive boyfriend and cultural assumptions about Anna's behaviour in front of the fake mother. In the case of Baby P the pivotal issue was information that remained hidden. Two pieces of information. No one expects this situation to be a Peter Connolly case or Victoria Climbie. They would like to see the mothers issues addressed and a full picture of the child's situation to be known. Where is HG by the way? This post lacks a certain something without the lurid descriptions of her behaviour and the motivations for her behaviour. No one expects the child to be removed from the mother. In the child's best interest are accessing education and health care when required.
Would you really drag your child around and in your own quotes sofa surf. No because you are a really decent mum who expressed that her child was a priority in the first post and we get your fears about nutters. What I don't get is the denial that the situation around HG child is not ok. I only mention the two serious case reviews because I did have to study them in my Esther more intense training than an hour in house.

Excellent, considered posts from math fairenuff katie and netty

I still don't see staying with distant friends on holiday as being SS worthy.

At the end of the day it is your call Lily, and I agree with others that there isn't yet much factual information to show that she isn't here on holiday.

However, you haven't told a story about somebody who is a holiday guest.

Your posts have been about an unstable con artist who is attempting to use vague acquaintances to enable her to stay here so she can claim benefits/escape people she has pissed off in other countries, but would ideally like to move to Canada on the flimsiest of pretexts, but ditch her son at the first available opportunity.

I missed the bit where the boy was sent to German-speaking school in Switzerland. Is there absolutely no possibility that they were in Ticino, where they would have been speaking Italian with a funny accent?

If you don't like what I post please report me for taking your story in good faith and showing the appropriate amount of concern. I am interested though. Where is HG now? I doubt she would ring social services as she is not needing to be drawing attention to herself. I hope she hasn't pinched any of you paperwork whilst she was in the house. You did say she was after an NI number and maybe she fancied another bank account. Apologies for typos I took ages to find my glasses and the irony is I have a drawful of magnifiers in the house in Accra but not a single spare here.

EstRusMum I believe she would really be to lazy to do that and if she did I would not be worried, because I have not done anything wrong at all.

Nettymaniaa Why would I report you? You confuse me. HG and son are at FF's house. I would hope that they are making their way to the airport now. If not I guess they will be staying there indefinitely or until they get kicked out.

MY STORY is of a con artist. What do you think her side of the story would be? When we had mediation HER SIDE was very very different, even mediator was shocked at how well she played victim. Who knows how she even sees her behaviour in her head? Maybe she doesn't even think she is a liar or a user. Maybe this is very normal behaviour for her? Maybe both friends going on holiday and then FF's daughter being rushed to hospital were stories THEY told her? Who knows? Maybe everything she has said has been true and is just too far fetched for me to believe? Maybe she just has a serious problem with lying?

What I do know is lies or truth, blood clot or not. I don't want her in my house any more.

I think I can remember victoria climbie's mother saying she was shocked that such a thing could happen in the uk because in her culture the community are involved in each other's business and somebody would have stepped in.

In this country we do have a culture of avoiding judgement, letting people get on with things and not getting involved in other people's business, but the flip side of that is formal child protection procedures, regulations and social workers.

I must be missing something because on the one hand there seems to be all this drama about a mediator, when really if she was just an inconvenient guest you could have told her to leave. On the other hand you seem completely unworried about the way she is treating this child.

I can understand why you would be sceptical that ss would be interested given that to all intents and purposes she appears to be just passing through and the only thing a sw would have to go on would be hearsay, but I can't understand why you keep flipping back to saying that she is actually just here on holiday when people voice concern about the child based on what you have posted.

Wow this whole thing is crazy!

And I agree with Lily and don't think social services are necessary. Everyone that KEEPS posting that they think they are, ok, we get it, you think this child needs ss, but Lily doesn't and she knows more of the story than you!

And please stop with the stories of Victoria Climbe, the OP hasn't seen any signs that this child is being abused.

The reason victoria climbie's is being mentioned is not because people think this child is being abused.

The relevance is that cultural differences are being used to explain away dodgy behaviour; and the fact that just because people are arguing that it is 'normal' to drop off your child with any old person in some cultures (I think the jury is still out on that one), it doesn't make it safe.

Well frankly lots of dodgy things are normal in other cultures, it doesn't mean they should be condoned in ours.

Staying with "friends" I wouldn't even consider a culturally different thing. People do it all round the world, only take the piss and you are gonna get chucked out.

I mentioned it because OP did. I don't think this is anything like Victoria Climbie but the point is it doesn't have to be. What is the very special friends part in this. They are mentioned frequently and my mumsnet thread curiosity is peaked. It is the vacillations that have caused concern. One minute innocent holiday maker with the inconvenient baggage of a child who according to OP has not been in education for some time. Next minute con artist stating she'd like to not have child about. Quite a few male partners who OP claims she latches onto and can get the, to do anything she wants. How do we know that the boys dad isn't really worried. We don't and the risky stuff is always want you don't know.

Do what you want but we maybe thought you were seeking our opinion because you posted on a web site.

Well you got my sensible opinion sorry you don't like it fellow thread followers.

By it sorry I meant OP referenced victoria Climbie I was responding, I think that's how it works on here isn't it??

And if his father doesn't know where he is I would be surprised considering that she updated her facebook when she got here with pictures of them at the first place they stayed. I don't know if he is on FB but there were at least 6 people with the same surname some of who liked the pic! It's not like she is in hiding! Although I can't see her page anymore as I blocked.

netty I have taken some advice and some I've left like calling social services. Her flight is today. If she doesn't get on it the situation has changed from a "holiday." If she has nowhere to stay free for the next 3 months I think she will go back. She is a chancer. If she can latch onto FF she will stay, enrol the boy in school, open a bank account and wait the 3 months to claim benefits.

merrymouse I don't believe "any old person" was ever said. I said friends and family. netty said family. There are all sorts of informal fostering arrangements, even here in the UK.

I think it is too soon to involve ss too. His lifestyle isn't ideal but it doesn't seem abusive.

It is not the staying with friends while on holiday that people are worried about - it's the erratic, dishonest and irresponsible behaviour, and apparent intention of dropping her son with the first willing person she finds.

If she honestly has reliable close friends elsewhere, why was she trying to extend her stay with you, and asking you for money?

These friends and family seem to be conspicuous by their absence in times of need.

She is a chancer. If she can latch onto FF she will stay, enrol the boy in school, open a bank account and wait the 3 months to claim benefits.

And again - are these the actions of somebody you would trust to look after a goldfish, never mind one, possibly two children?

Anyway, atleast if she claims benefits and enrols him in school she will put him on somebody's radar.

I don't know what is true and what is not. She said she had tonnes of friends in London who would love to help her but that she was embarrassed about her situation and didn't want everybody knowing her business. I don't know any of her friends except those I met her through. Maybe she just saw me as a soft touch.