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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for advice on how I should tell my manager about this?

158 replies

IAmNotAToy · 07/04/2015 20:17

I've name changed for this as I've posted quite a lot about where I work before and I think this might out me.

There is a man at work who I don't really like much. There's never been any particular reason why, but maybe it's because he is quite loud and brash whereas I'm more reserved. He also has a habit of being very touchy feely but I always put that down to him not being English. He is well liked by everyone else and all the managers love him too.

Yesterday we were both at work and about halfway through my shift he walked up to me from behind and started groping my arse. I told him to stop it which he did.

About half an hour later he again approached me from behind and started groping me again and just like before I told him to stop it. He then sniggered and asked me why I didn't like it and if I'd not ever had boyfriends before. I then stupidly told him, that yes I had, to which he then asked if I'd not had sex with my boyfriends before because if I had this shouldn't bother me Shock.

I decided that I would try to avoid him for the rest of my shift as he was creeping me out. He obviously had other plans as later on he followed me somewhere else and again he grabbed my arse only this time he then moved his hand away from there and onto my crotch and he proceeded to grope that Shock.

This is going to sound stupid but I was in shock and didn't do anything. He's never done anything like that before.

I tried to stick with my other colleagues as best as I could but there were times when I couldn't avoid being away from them and any time this happened he would again follow me and feel my arse and crotch and at one point tried to kiss me.

At the end of my shift I made a point of hanging back for a bit to make sure he had left too so he couldn't follow me home. Sounds paranoid but he had been asking me questions all day about where I lived. He also kept asking me to come to the back room with him because he wanted to show me something. Obviously I didn't go with him but it was kind of creepy how insistent he was being.

It sounds silly but now I don't want to go back to work. Luckily I've got four days off anyway but I'm dreading going back.

I don't know if I should mention anything to my manager as like I said the manager does really like him as does everyone else. Also everyone knows I don't like him so I'm worried in case people will think I'm making it up just to cause trouble.

And I have no idea how to phrase something like that...how would you phrase something like that? I'm scared that I might just start crying Blush.

OP posts:
DeepDarkSecrets · 07/04/2015 20:21

Tell your managers that you have been sexually assaulted! That's horrendous! OMG, I can't believe someone would have the effrontery to do that in the workplace! So sorry to hear that you've been subjected to this OP

runawaysimba · 07/04/2015 20:23

OP, I'm sorry this happened to you. What he did is a crime, not just a professional misdemeanour. Do you have someone who could go with you to talk to your manager or, better yet, the police? Take a version if your OP with you, if you don't feel happy saying it aloud.
And have a hug. What a vile man.

Shenanagins · 07/04/2015 20:23

Formal complaint into work. They have a duty to investigate and should immediately ensure you are separated, ideally they are suspended pending investigation. However, just be aware, there are no witnesses so boils down to your word against theirs so go in prepared with all the details you have, times, locations, etc.

Original poster
IAmNotAToy · 07/04/2015 20:23

That's just it Deep. Like I said other people were obviously working so I'm also scared in case someone says "well why didn't anyone see it then?". But my workplace is quite big and he only ever did it while I was alone.

OP posts:
Islanegra · 07/04/2015 20:23

Write it all up and email your manager and copy in HR and let your manager come to you. That's sexual assault. What an arsehole. Angry

freemanbatch · 07/04/2015 20:24

Never mind telling your manager call 101 and report the creep!!

I'm so sorry you had to go through that :-(

AntiHop · 07/04/2015 20:24

This is just awful. This was sexual assault. Tell your manager and the police. Make sure you're not ever alone with him. Be prepared that some people might not believe you. Sadly it is common that women aren't believed.

Flowers
Nolim · 07/04/2015 20:25

This is harrasment contact hr amd your boss assp.

tattychicken · 07/04/2015 20:25

Police. He assaulted you. Write it all down now, report to police. Slimey fucker.

Islanegra · 07/04/2015 20:25

"So why didn't anyone see anything?"

"Because while he was a&e I ally assaulting me he presumably didn't want an audience."

You don't have to prove anything.

Islanegra · 07/04/2015 20:26

a&e I ally = sexually

Even my predictive text is annoyed.Angry

Original poster
IAmNotAToy · 07/04/2015 20:27

Yesterday I did think about calling the police but thought I might be overreacting. Will they even care or do anything?

OP posts:
PrimalLass · 07/04/2015 20:29

Yes, call the police.

Zampa · 07/04/2015 20:29

You poor thing. You have my heartfelt sympathy and righteous anger.

Please do tell someone. Even if initially it is just family or friends. In all likelihood this creep will do it again; to you or another woman.

Remember, it's not your fault. You have done nothing to deserve or provoke this.

Islanegra · 07/04/2015 20:30

Yes they'll care.

No you're not over reacting.

Moomintroll85 · 07/04/2015 20:30

Fucking hell. I'm so sorry to hear that this has happened to you. I know it must be really difficult but you need to report this as other posters have said. This is predatory behaviour that is criminal as well as entirely disgusting and it needs to stop.

It doesn't sound silly that you don't want to go back to work - I wouldn't either what a fucking pig it makes me so angry when people think they can behave like this.

Shenanagins · 07/04/2015 20:31

People won't have seen anything as he will have made sure the coast was clear that's why you need as much detail as possible.

Report formal in work then advise them you will also be raising with the police but remember it will boil down to their word against yours. Is there any cctv as if so report immediately as it may get deleted after a certain amount of time.

iggymama · 07/04/2015 20:31

Is there any chance it was caught on CCTV?

Original poster
IAmNotAToy · 07/04/2015 20:33

I don't know if there is CCTV. I don't think there is.

OP posts:
Imnotaslimjim · 07/04/2015 20:34

Sorry to hear what you've gone through. Yes, the police will care, and they will do something. Sorry Toy but this is serious. Please report him before he does it again, or worse.

Islanegra · 07/04/2015 20:35

Don't forget that your employer has a duty of care towards you and MUST ensure your safety so the burden really is on him to prove he didn't do anything, because if there's an outside chance that he did, your company are liable.
In my experience this will be taken very seriously. And I wouldn't be at all surprised if you're not the first person to have suffered in some way at this arsehole's behaviour.

SylvaniansAtEase · 07/04/2015 20:36

Good God yes the police will care.

Call 101 now. That was a sexual assault.

Ask their advice on how to proceed - they may well contact your workplace to see if there is CCTV footage. There should be a trained officer who will help you with how to speak to your workplace.

Brodicea · 07/04/2015 20:36

Do come forward - I know you are worried that he seems to be so well liked, but you may not be the only one he has done this to. You coming forward might give them courage to do the same.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 07/04/2015 20:37

Go to the police. Please!

This is not your fault... This guy is building up to more serious assault on you which hes already been doing by escalating from your bum to your crotch etc... This is still sexual assault.

I would not let your manager investigate in case he tries to minimise it

jelliebelly · 07/04/2015 20:37

You absolutely need to report him. If you aren't comfortable doing that face to face then email first but you will need to find some assertiveness from somewhere to face this head on otherwise he will continue to take advantage of you. If he tries it again scream blue murder and tell him to fuck off very loudly!!