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Original poster

To change surname

335 replies

ChickenDipper22 · 06/04/2015 21:11

DP and I have been together for almost 2 years and have a 7 and half month old son together. We can't afford to get married yet so are thinking about paying for me to have my surname changed by deed poll to be the same as DP's and DS's. Do you think it's pointless or a nice idea?

OP posts:
Original poster
ChickenDipper22 · 07/04/2015 10:00

I will marry for love not for financial security

OP posts:
TheCraicDealer · 07/04/2015 10:04

I think getting married because you want your partner to be alright in the event of something happening to you is pretty fucking romantic to be honest.

shewept · 07/04/2015 10:05

But you love him? So why not get married?

And financial security is very important when you have children. Head over to the relationship board and read some threads. It may change your mind.

Change your name or don't. Its really up to you. However I don't get why you are stickler for tradition over what surname your child has. Surely if you want to be traditional you would be married.

SoupDragon · 07/04/2015 10:22

But you love him? So why not get married?

The OP has said its because they want something other than a bland form signing exercise and they can't afford the celebration they want just yet.

base9 · 07/04/2015 10:24

But they are about to engage in bland form-signing. If you're going to sign some forms, make them count. The celebration can happen anytime.

shewept · 07/04/2015 10:25

soup but she said she was marrying for love. So why not just do it? She loves him, the celebration isn't the important part. To be honest I don't care whether she does or not. But the reasons she is giving just don't make sense. Its entirely up to her, I was simply asking questions.

ClaudiusMaximus · 07/04/2015 10:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DinosaurFarmer · 07/04/2015 10:29

Most people marry for love but unfortunately love doesn't always last! As you have a child and are likely to be the child's primary carer in the event of a relationship breakdown you need to ensure you have all the legal and financial protection you can get. Hopefully it won't be needed but rose tinted glasses never helped anyone!

SoupDragon · 07/04/2015 10:30

soup but she said she was marrying for love.

Why does that single thing she's said override something else?

HoppityVoosh · 07/04/2015 10:34

This is a bad idea, OP. You've not been together a huge amount of time. If you were that traditional you'd have got married before having a child. If your child reaches school age and you still want the same name then I'd do it then, but surely you'll be married by then.

Just out of curiosity, will you use Miss, Mrs or Ms with your boyfriend's surname?

nickelbarapasaurus · 07/04/2015 10:34

LeSquigh

Me too - i'm the only person in my area who hasn't changed name on marriage - i do have another college friend who didn't change hers, but they didn't have children.

I know someone who has changed her name in real life, but not professionally, because she is in equity and there was already someone with her married name. She does state that her husband wasn't please about that.
i personally say that if your husband isn't pleased that you want to keep your own name, then really, is he the man you want to marry?? (ie, surely, he should be happy for you to make a decision based on your own identity)

loveareadingthanks · 07/04/2015 10:57

Why do you want to change your name to his when you aren't married?

Arsenic · 07/04/2015 11:06

I will marry for love not for financial security

Do you love him or don't you? Confused

Icimoi · 07/04/2015 11:13

Why pay for a deed poll? You can do this just by making a statutory declaration at a fraction of the cost.

Patapouf · 07/04/2015 11:15

I did not change my name when I married DH. Any future DCs will have the same name as me with DHs as a middle name.

You're ideals are antiquated and I honestly think changin your name by deedpoll is a ridiculous idea. If you want to get married and take his name then do so. as PPs have pointed out it doesn't have to cost much at all.

Patapouf · 07/04/2015 11:31

Argh your not you're. Changing not changin.

You can't argue tradition is a valid reason for wanting his name when
A: you had a child out of wedlock
B: you are changing your name without getting married

SabrinnaOfDystopia · 07/04/2015 11:34

I will marry for love not for financial security

We most of us marry for love - the security bit is a nice added extra, which is not to be sniffed at if you have dc. It's your choice, OP, but I do think changing your name by deed poll is a little odd when you're not married to him, and you say you are planning to marry.

Arsenic · 07/04/2015 11:43

Also, bear in mind that you have to get married from your legal name.

Are you ok saying your vows as "I Jane Brown, do solemnly take James Brown as..."? (Or whatever the vows are).

HazleNutt · 07/04/2015 11:56

considering you love him and you both want to get married, but are not getting married as you can't afford a wedding - would that mean you're getting married for the party? No? Just because you're aware of the legal consequences, does not automatically mean you're getting married for money either.

HoppityVoosh · 07/04/2015 12:40

A guy I used to work with, John Smith, added me on Facebook. His relationship status said "married to Jane Smith". I went and done a nosey though his pictures to see if there was a wedding photo but I couldn't see any. They weren't married. These people are adults! They've split up now and I think they look like fools.

their child also has the worst made up name I've ever seen. But that's none of my business.

Patapouf · 07/04/2015 12:45

It's interesting that other PPs said you can call yourself whatever you like as long as it isn't for fraudulent purposes.

You're not hoping to fraudulently pass yourself as married are you?

HoppityVoosh · 07/04/2015 12:48

I think the OP does want to pass herself off as married. Not in a malicious way, just a at first glance they look like husband and wife way. Weird. Just get married.

Littlecaf · 07/04/2015 13:11

I'm aware of the legal consequences of not being married. Still don't want to get married though. I'm also aware of the consequences of getting divorced. If the OP doesn't want to get married yet (for whatever reason) but feels more comfortable in having the same name as her DC, then she should go for it.

Original poster
ChickenDipper22 · 07/04/2015 15:29

Claudius, I have never ever said that I didn't want to marry him so I don't know where you've got that from!
He has 3 other children with ONE other woman who he was with for 7 years

OP posts:
Original poster
ChickenDipper22 · 07/04/2015 15:36

Patapouf I never argued that changing my name to his was tradition, I said it was tradition that the child takes the father's surname

OP posts:
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