To change surname

[ChickenDipper22]

DP and I have been together for almost 2 years and have a 7 and half month old son together. We can't afford to get married yet so are thinking about paying for me to have my surname changed by deed poll to be the same as DP's and DS's. Do you think it's pointless or a nice idea?

I'm supposed to be changing my name before our baby is born (running out of time to some extent) - apparently you don't need to pay anything at all, you don't need to register the name - according to this site freedeedpoll.org.uk/

I'm going to try this first, anyway, and if this isn't enough, hopefully we'll be married before 2019 when my passport expires!

I'd pay the £45 registery office fee rather than do a deed poll. Getting married costs pennies, it's the party and matching accessories that bumps the costs up and none are needed.

if you mean that you can't afford the wedding, just do the registry bit and you can always have the celebration a few years later. But living together and being married is really quite different:
www.adviceguide.org.uk/england/relationships_e/relationships_living_together_marriage_and_civil_partnership_e/living_together_and_marriage_legal_differences.htm

changing your name is a pointless waste of money - what's the point if there's no legal back up?

Get married, it can be as little as £50. You dont need to tell anyone you've done it, treat it as just going getting the 'legal side done'. Once you have saved up, you can still have a big wedding, perhaps a humanist celebrant if you don't want to use a church. Churches are used to this. I've been to a wedding where I know the couple got married a year before (going to work in a country where they couldn't live together unmarried for 6 months, didn't have time to arrange a big family 'do' before going so just could get to a registery office), not everyone knew and to be honest, the differences werent obvious. They celebrate their anniversary on the date of the 'big do' rather than the legal wedding.

Not having to have the big do as legally binding, also frees up a lot of extra options - you can look at getting married in a wood, or in a stately home that doesn't have a wedding licence (which are normally a lot cheaper to hire!), you can have 'religious' music in a venue that's not a church (not allowed for civil weddings) etc.

I'm married.
I didn't change my name.

PeppermintCrayon Mon 06-Apr-15 21:21:46
You do need to pay the £36 if you want to change your passport and register your name change officially.

No, you don't. The official site simply says to send in your deed poll form, nothing about it needing to be enrolled.

I genuinely don't get why any woman would give her child a surname different to her own.

A child has two parents.

Pointless. If you want to get married, put the money towards the cheapest of registry office ceremonies instead. Weddings do not have to cost much. I'd never change my name on marriage anyway, and didn't, but would particularly object to doing it if I weren't going to even get the legal protections of marriage for it!

You have to pay £36 to put it on the official register.

You can make your own and show it to whoever but you can't 'send it in' without paying.

I didn't change my name when I married. Dh said when we had children he wanted us all to have the same surname. I said I wasn't taking his name, he didn't want to take mine so I told him to find a solution or put up with it.

So he decided that we'd both double barrel our names and the children too We kept our unmarried names at work.

Get married - you're much more secure in marriage. Little point doing it otherwiSe.

PeppermintCrayon Mon 06-Apr-15 21:32:01
You have to pay £36 to put it on the official register.

There is no official register. I've copied a quote from the official leaflet below:

Contrary to popular belief, there is no central register of name changes in the United Kingdom. Deed Polls are not registered anywhere unless they are ‘enrolled’ i.e. lodged for safe keeping, in the Close Rolls of the Chancery (from 1851 to 1902) and from 1903, in the Enrolment Books of the Supreme Court of Judicature, which is located within the Royal Courts of Justice in the Strand, London.

Enrolling a Deed Poll provides a public record of a person's name change and since 1914 the details of the name change are published in either the London Gazette or Belfast Gazette.

I find it strange that people want to be 'traditional' in changing names and children taking their father's name but don't want to do the traditional thing and get married. Mahoosive, expensive weddings aren't actually traditional anyway. Way not just have a small wedding, with the attendant rights and responsibilities it gives you?

FWIW I married DH, didn't take his name, DD has his last name but first and middle chosen by me (her middle is traditional woman's middle name in my family). It's a little odd because DD actually has a different nationality to me so that, and her different name makes traveling with DH interesting. Luckily she's a Mini-Me.

I'm not planning on changing my name after marriage, but I don't see the point in changing it without the wedding. I think a lot of people will privately be like when you explain you're not actually married but you just wanted to "match". Might as well look to many that you're dying to get married but he's dragging his heels. Of course you might not be in the least bit bothered about what people think, but it will be tiresome. I'd get married on the quiet, make a big announcement and then plan a shindig for friends and family for your first wedding anniversary.

But only the passport office is going to care about it being official, if you're happy to give up that one, just use it, it's free and easy.

I see nothing strange about a mother being happy to let the father and child share a name, equally nothing strange about the reverse, I know families with both situations, neither is strange and if you only want one surname then it has to be one of the parents, the father is an equally valid choice, and why not the one who is less certain of parenthood in societies eyes getting the benefit of the name.

I actually find it more odd an adult changing their own name for any reason other than disliking it (for whatever reason) but it's still not unreasonable.

Paying to change your name probably is if you can't afford it, your passport is not that important, just use it everywhere else.

The vast majority of places in this country will accept a standard un-enrolled deed poll because the law as it stands says you can call yourself what you want as long as there's no intention to do anything unlawful, eg commit fraud.

I don't understand the big drama some people make about taking a man's name. It's 'traditional' and pretty much the norm in this country. But it's also a personal choice and not for everyone.

It's just a name. And I bet that most people who would never 'take a man's name' wouldn't even be called what they are if thier own mother had had the same view so it's all nonsense anyway!

I can't comment on whether it is better to change your name or get married but thought I would post to back up the fact that changing your name is free.

If you are over 18, just google free deed poll and there are (is?) online sites. Just fill them out with your present and future name, print out, get 2 friends to sign. Then send off to banks, whoever and your name will be changed on their records.

You have to pay for a new passport and driving license but you have to pay for new ones every 10 years or so anyway.

Sorry OP, just checked, in Kent, it's £55 booking fee, £35 each for notices - so £125 in total. Still not pricey, cheaper than say, getting wills drawn up.

I never changed my name either and never use my "married name".

DD has her father's surname, plus my surname as a second middle name.

I don't need to share a name with her. I grew her. She's the only person in the world to have heard my heart from the inside. There is nothing stronger than that.

I know somebody who did it ,! Fwiw when I got married ten years ago we did the whole thing for £1000 including reception ceremony dress cake etc it wasnt a big do we didn't want one weddings can be as simple or extravagant as you want .Awake the thread isn't about why OP,s child doesn't have the same name as Op some people want children to have Dads name some people don't each to their own!

Haircut if people want to take a man's name is up to them. It's fine and their choice.

The reason people don't want to is because 'traditionally' you became the property of your husband after you stopped being the property of your father. Your identity was subsumed by whichever man was in control.

Some people like the tradition. Some people don't.

Actually, while I have the same surname as my dad, this name is now mine as much as his.

And in any case, as our society is in the process of changing, new traditions have to start somewhere.

If all women gave their names to their children today, then in just a generation or two everyone would have heir mums name.

Depends what you mean by traditional and norm basin. Not adopting the man's surname on marriage has a longer history than adopting it in the UK, particularly in Scotland. It just depends which particular historical era you want to emulate. I've seen varying figures for the proportion who keep their own name, but usually somewhere between 20 and 30%, so a significant minority. Not really enough either way for there to be a 'norm'. The figure is only likely to rise with time, as the younger the segment of the population, the more ethnically diverse, and most cultures globally don't do it.

It's £35 each for notice of marriage at ours but only £46 for actual ceremony.

You could have a secret service Nd then a blessing when you have. Bit more cash.