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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To change surname

335 replies

ChickenDipper22 · 06/04/2015 21:11

DP and I have been together for almost 2 years and have a 7 and half month old son together. We can't afford to get married yet so are thinking about paying for me to have my surname changed by deed poll to be the same as DP's and DS's. Do you think it's pointless or a nice idea?

OP posts:
Original poster
ChickenDipper22 · 08/04/2015 10:48

What exactly is your problem?

OP posts:
Original poster
ChickenDipper22 · 08/04/2015 10:50

I came here to have a read of other opinions, that's all. I've heard them now. I didn't come to be attacked or discuss my personal life with anyone

OP posts:
Nolim · 08/04/2015 10:51

Sorry to point out the obvious op but you have been discussing your life for quite a while already.

Original poster
ChickenDipper22 · 08/04/2015 10:53

I know Nolim, because I've felt like Ive had to defend myself when I shouldn't need to really because all I came here for was to see some other people's points of view.

OP posts:
Nolim · 08/04/2015 10:58

A) dont engage unless you actually want to have a discussion.
B) you are very defensive imo, even for things that are not worth it. For instance a while ago someone mentioned something about a "christian name" as in first name or forename. But your reply was something like "so now i am not christian?" or something.

Chillax.

JustAQuicky · 08/04/2015 11:00

But you didn't.

You asked a question in your OP in AIBU the obvious '?' At the end of your post confirms that.

Then you didn't want to ask a question, then you did, then it was just opinions, then it was he can't see the kids, then he can, then you can't get married then you can. Your posts are all over the shop and contradicting. The only time you're not on the defensive is when you're agreeing with someone who agrees with you.

And if you didn't want to discuss your life don't post about it on a forum and expect others to comment Hmm

echt · 08/04/2015 11:02

I know Nolim, because I've felt like Ive had to defend myself when I shouldn't need to really because all I came here for was to see some other people's points of view.

Why on earth did you post on AIBU if you didn't expect opinions that might challenge your own and oblige you defend them?

Your OP asked : did you think, so you got er…what they thought.

Original poster
ChickenDipper22 · 08/04/2015 11:05

Yeah of course I expected to get what they thought about the name change because that's what I asked about.
Not about previous threads and my personal life though

OP posts:
JustAQuicky · 08/04/2015 11:11

If you didn't realise that then you most likely haven't been on MN long enough.

Maybe try chat next time

Patapouf · 08/04/2015 11:17

Hang on, you don't wantto discuss your personal life? Have a read back through your posts. And your other thread, if discussing your sex life isn't personal I don't know what is!

You normally pick christian names to suit a surname rather than the other way around. this was my first thought too Arsenic

Christian name just means first name btw.

JustAQuicky careful, you'll be accused of being the Queen of MN Grin

This is what happens chicken there's not such thing as a straightforward Q or A on MN, especially with something divisive as name changing. I think you assumed it would be a case of whether you should change it now or not, rather than whether to change it all/having your choice to give your own DC a different surname criticised etc.

Original poster
ChickenDipper22 · 08/04/2015 11:21

It did suit a surname.. My partners surname.

OP posts:
FromMeToYou · 08/04/2015 11:29

Why would you pay £36 plus postage for something free? Change your name or don't, but don't bloody pay for it.

Original poster
ChickenDipper22 · 08/04/2015 11:32

Just wanted to be sure it was right, dunno why it says to pay 36 pound if there's no reason for it

OP posts:
FromMeToYou · 08/04/2015 11:46

But someone told you it was free at the beginning of the thread.

Just looked and it was the second response you had.

JustAQuicky · 08/04/2015 11:52

From she was told numerous times it was free

She wasted £36 +P&P to make sure it was right you can't mess them up. She doesn't care though as you're not telling her what she wants to here.

Queen of mumsnet Grin

Original poster
ChickenDipper22 · 08/04/2015 12:04

This is getting a little tedious now.
The way you're speaking you'd swear I've killed someone not changed my name. Confused

OP posts:
Patapouf · 08/04/2015 13:29

well you have killed your identity...

Enjoy your new name OP!
prepare for the Hmm faces when you announce the change.

base9 · 08/04/2015 13:35

OP asked if changing her name was pointless or a nice idea. It's pointless at best and somewhat pathetic at worst, came the replies. Some tried to help you save a bit of money on it. No one has treated you like a murderer, just like someone incapable of taking advice. Which you asked for.

LauraMipsum · 08/04/2015 13:39

There's some totally insane answers on this thread. She wants the same surname as DP and DS, nothing wrong with that.

OP, I changed my name for free using a statutory declaration. I have my new name on passport, driving licence, bank etc. Most people don't know I ever had another one. Good job I didn't ask on here if it was ok to change my name or no doubt I'd have had my character assassinated.

lertgush · 08/04/2015 13:50

Agrees with LauraMipsum...

Arsenic · 08/04/2015 13:56

Nah. If OP had stuck to the point, it wouldn't have got so weird.

But she has chucked in big chunks of secret squirrel 'we can't get married for reasons I won't discuss' nonsense (when what she meant was 'we don't want to).

Also 'I'm dead traditional me' bolleaux which made people choke on their coffee, considering that she's just had a baby with a man she had known mere months at conception and isn't married to - which is great, I've done similar myself - but traditional it ain't. Neither is giving a baby dad's surname.

On top of that she's loled and sprinkled question marks around where they weren't required and generally provoked the NMs suggestion.

Arsenic · 08/04/2015 13:59

Not to mention the fact that she has just wasted £40, in spite of some kind people explaining it isn't necessary.

It's textbook 'how to stoke a thread' really.

FryOneFatManic · 08/04/2015 14:02

The £36 is if you want the new name to be enrolled.

Which basically is just to publish it in the London Gazette and to store the dee form.

Hardly ever necessary, even passport offices accept the basic free form as long as it's been done properly.

Arsenic · 08/04/2015 14:04

Which is odd, because now I look, OP has only been on MN a week.

The pps who referenced TMI sex thread weren't lying either Hmm

Eustasiavye · 08/04/2015 14:29

It is not tradition for an unmarried mother to give her child the father's name, it is a fairly modern concept.

As an aside I think all adult women should be Mrs regardless of marital status.