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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Kick Her Out Of My House Immediately?

967 replies

Lilylonglegs · 03/04/2015 12:04

I have the Houseguest from hell.

I was told before she arrived that she was coming for 2 weeks spending a week with another friend and a week with me. I have an 8 month old baby and she has a ten year old son and is pregnant with dc number 2. A day after she arrived she called to say that she has to leave her friend's house as her friend is going on holiday the next day. I thought this was odd as how can you come from a different country to visit someone and they tell you after you have got there that they are going away?

Nevertheless I told her that I wouldn't be around at that time as I hadn't expected her until 5 days later. She u ummmd and Ahhhhed saying that a hotel was too expensive and that she might as well go back to Sweden where she lives. I agreed with her although in the end she booked a hotel and ended up coming to mine a day sooner than arranged which I really was not too pleased with but is better than coming the 5 days earlier.

When she arrived my DC was with her grandmother so I took them out to a restaurant and invited another friend. We had a really good time. The trouble started the next day. She complained that my house was too small, my toilet is too small, there is no room in there for her to change comfortably, my sofa bed is too small and uncomfortable. I don't have any food containers, she doesn't like the type of food I have. The shops in my area don't sell the type of food she likes. I should have shave my daughters hair off to make it grow. My daughter would walk if she was surrounded by more children as her child walked at 7 months, why don't I feed my child salty pasta and on and on and on.

My daughter has a mild cold and she wants me traipsing around with them, even though I have told her my child is my priority and not her. I probably would have made more effort before her inconsiderate ungrateful behaviour.

Now where it gets worse is that she is saying that she doesn't want to go back to Sweden but wants to live in UK permanently. She is meant to leave in a week but claims money is coming to her account from the father of her unborn DC the day before she is due to leave, which she will use to source an apartment.

The problem is how will she find and move into a place in a week and who will rent a room to a single pregnant mother and child? She can't afford anything more than a room. My fear is that she is trying not to leave my house. She says her friend who went on holiday will let her stay for a few months until she finds her feet, but that friend is not due back for another 3 weeks. I've asked her repeatedly where she will go until her friend comes back as she is leaving mine in a week and she just keeps saying "it will work out" oh and I forgot she has already asked me to lend her £300 when she knows that I am only on maternity pay.

Would I be Unreasonable to just tell her to leave now as I don't think I can take much more of this!

OP posts:
Fairy13 · 07/04/2015 19:03

This thread is the gift that keeps on giving!!!

You know she's heading straight back to you don't you?

Fairy13 · 07/04/2015 19:07

She went to hospital because she clearly has munchausens and absolutely looovvveeesss the drama.

What's the betting she will have an on ward fling with an Asian (bingo) doctor and be the first woman ever to be pregnant with two babies conceived at different times?

Except a shamelessly broody Nigerian nurse unable to have her own children will use a new wonder drug to speed up gestation, enforce a cesarean and steal the babies, leaving HG destitute and devastated...

mathanxiety · 07/04/2015 19:11

The hospital has no social worker you could phone and mention the boy's predicament to?

Dumdedumdedum · 07/04/2015 19:11

If it were HG on her own, I wouldn't comment. But your rather cavalier attitude to the 10 year old son has me worried, OP.
Mine's a Swiss Poire William, thank you. Or perhaps a Kirsch? Or maybe just a nice glass of Fendant white wine. Or a Pinot Noir. Slides sloppily down sofa.

Chippednailvarnish · 07/04/2015 19:16

But what would the Nigerian Nurse drink?

I could kill for a kirsch

Bettercallsaul1 · 07/04/2015 19:17

I'm sure Lily is thinking out her next move as we speak - give her time, people! Grin

KatieKaye · 07/04/2015 19:31

So, has this 10 year old has been in the hospital all day?

Or did the lovely Nigerian nurse secrete him in the laundry cupboard and feed him with buttered toast all day, because she is actually his father's cousin's uncle's next door neighbour's best friend, who once met HG at a backgammon party in Monte Carlo, where she was drinking Sweetheart Stout and flirting with Prince Albert?

NotNowBono · 07/04/2015 19:32

My dream on threads like this is that a camera crew will be patrolling the corridors, and all our misgivings will prove to be unfounded as Ghanian Sofa Surfer emerges as the star turn on 24 Hours in A&E/24 Hours in Police Custody/24 Hours in Immigration Control.

Lucy61 · 07/04/2015 19:37

Many people have said it from the start, the boy needs help. You don't seem to get that op. Or perhaps you just don't think it's your problem.

Tellhimyournamepike · 07/04/2015 19:39

The 10 year old will soon be 11 if they stay much longer! :)
With regard to the nosebleeds- (I have worked in ENT) I find it unbelievable she's had one so bad to warrant admission, but there were no signs at "home"
Therefore has noone thought she's possibily on a gynae ward due to the pregnancy/termination chapter of this??
Hmm

spiney · 07/04/2015 19:43

Thats what I was wondering.

skinoncustard · 07/04/2015 19:44

KatieKaye
Or did the lovely Nigerian nurse secrete him in the laundry cupboard and feed him with buttered toast all day, because she is actually his father's cousin's uncle's next door neighbour's best friend, who once met HG at a backgammon party in Monte Carlo, where she was drinking Sweetheart Stout and flirting with Prince Albert?

That is just as likely to have happened as most of the rest of this fairy story.

riveravon23 · 07/04/2015 19:44

I am a foster carer who takes emergency placements. The little boy would have been referred to Children's Services immediately. There is no way that the hospital staff would allow a 10 year old to just spend the day in the ward. No possible way at all. If this truly has happened then the hospital staff are truly failing in their responsibility towards him.

riveravon23 · 07/04/2015 19:53

OP. obviously the boy is not your responsibility. However, many, many people tried to persuade you to contact the authorities whose responsibility it IS. If this story is as you have written then I think those people were right and you should have contacted Children's Services, much earlier. However much you have been taken advantage of and inconvenienced, it is very, very sad that you were not able to recognise that this little boy needs help. Would you like your child's needs to be ignored like this, I would not like mine to be. But hopefully now he has seemingly "moved into" a hospital ward, he will get that help.

I am also not at all sure that it would be allowed for him to leave with another "so called" friend of his mothers, when nothing is known about her.

Lucy61 · 07/04/2015 19:58

The sad thing is, he will probably be allowed to go with this 'friend'. When it comes to helping children, so many people look the other way. The mother will just call her his 'aunty' and she'll just take him. Doesn't sound like this woman is surrounding her self with nice people so who knows what this friend will be like.

spiney · 07/04/2015 20:01

If this child is a Social Services issue he is surely now under the noses of those who can access it for him ( in the hospital) I feel that possibly with his manipulative, smart talking ( visitor to this country ) mother, harried and busy hospital staff might just go with whatever story she gives them. " my friend is coming etc " Easier.

Lilylonglegs · 07/04/2015 20:04

You say "so called" but she can tell them anything. I don't know the extent of the friendship except they met in France. The nurse and reception knew he was the son. They offered her a social service placement or someone to come and get him, so she has called her friend. However if she is discharged today, they will leave together to the same friends house.

OP posts:
Lweji · 07/04/2015 20:05

I don't believe I missed the mediator post.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 07/04/2015 20:13

France? Confused Confused

GettingEggyWithIt · 07/04/2015 20:19

Wine vin rouge, merci bienStar

Iflyaway · 07/04/2015 20:24

This is like a soap opera and more unbelievable by each update from the op if it wasn't so tragic.

Op, you seem very involved via MN but seem oblivious to the plight of that child.

As PP says, no way could a 10-year-old just hang about in hospital with his mum there as a patient.

I know one thing. No way could I have been so involved at home and rushing to pub/hospital with an 8-month-old on a day to night to day basis.

Anyway, as a visitor to UK she has to show her EU medical insurance card if she lands up in hospital (she's Italian resident, right?). So that will have all her details on it. I have one for holidays.

Somewhere on that computer her son will be connected to her, should it come to a SS situation.

For the son's sake I hope it's all a fantasy.

Oh, and I'll have a rum thanks! Grin

woolymum · 07/04/2015 20:28

i have some australian chardonnay that is chilling in the fridge - have we got there yet in the round the world tour?

spiney · 07/04/2015 20:31

I don't think its very good parenting. And I think its terribly sad for that poor uprooted little boy but has it actually come to what would be considered a SS situation from their point of view? Apart from about to miss some school?

forago · 07/04/2015 20:32

What hospital is hse in OP? Im sure someone on Mn will know it and could check whether the ward is a gynae ward.

riveravon23 · 07/04/2015 20:33

Perhaps the hospital staff will call the boy's father?