Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Kick Her Out Of My House Immediately?

967 replies

Lilylonglegs · 03/04/2015 12:04

I have the Houseguest from hell.

I was told before she arrived that she was coming for 2 weeks spending a week with another friend and a week with me. I have an 8 month old baby and she has a ten year old son and is pregnant with dc number 2. A day after she arrived she called to say that she has to leave her friend's house as her friend is going on holiday the next day. I thought this was odd as how can you come from a different country to visit someone and they tell you after you have got there that they are going away?

Nevertheless I told her that I wouldn't be around at that time as I hadn't expected her until 5 days later. She u ummmd and Ahhhhed saying that a hotel was too expensive and that she might as well go back to Sweden where she lives. I agreed with her although in the end she booked a hotel and ended up coming to mine a day sooner than arranged which I really was not too pleased with but is better than coming the 5 days earlier.

When she arrived my DC was with her grandmother so I took them out to a restaurant and invited another friend. We had a really good time. The trouble started the next day. She complained that my house was too small, my toilet is too small, there is no room in there for her to change comfortably, my sofa bed is too small and uncomfortable. I don't have any food containers, she doesn't like the type of food I have. The shops in my area don't sell the type of food she likes. I should have shave my daughters hair off to make it grow. My daughter would walk if she was surrounded by more children as her child walked at 7 months, why don't I feed my child salty pasta and on and on and on.

My daughter has a mild cold and she wants me traipsing around with them, even though I have told her my child is my priority and not her. I probably would have made more effort before her inconsiderate ungrateful behaviour.

Now where it gets worse is that she is saying that she doesn't want to go back to Sweden but wants to live in UK permanently. She is meant to leave in a week but claims money is coming to her account from the father of her unborn DC the day before she is due to leave, which she will use to source an apartment.

The problem is how will she find and move into a place in a week and who will rent a room to a single pregnant mother and child? She can't afford anything more than a room. My fear is that she is trying not to leave my house. She says her friend who went on holiday will let her stay for a few months until she finds her feet, but that friend is not due back for another 3 weeks. I've asked her repeatedly where she will go until her friend comes back as she is leaving mine in a week and she just keeps saying "it will work out" oh and I forgot she has already asked me to lend her £300 when she knows that I am only on maternity pay.

Would I be Unreasonable to just tell her to leave now as I don't think I can take much more of this!

OP posts:
EstRusMum · 03/04/2015 12:25

Tell her your mother is ill and you are going to hers to help her, so you need her to leave.
4 days alone is not the same as 1 week 3months with a child.

Lilylonglegs · 03/04/2015 12:26

There is even more to the story. She is an EU citizen so would be able to get benefits once she proves she is here permanently. She actually was living in Germany for a few months at her other friends house and claims that the woman treated her very badly and was an alcoholic who kept asking for money etc... I now guess the story might not be exactly as she has told me.

It has now come to light that she is actually homeless. The house she lived in that her ex husband was paying for has been rented out as she moved in with a boyfriend, who it turns out had a wife, who turned up to the house and in effect kicked her out. The boyfriend put her up in a hotel nearby but she didn't like the arrangement so moved in with a friend in Germany who she barely knew. That went really badly. She also said the woman tried to make her sleep with men for money to pay rent. She left there and then came here. I was not told all this before she came. I thought it was simply a holiday before having the baby.

She actually intends on terminating the pregnancy sometime next week.

OP posts:
LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 03/04/2015 12:26

Does she have a return ticket and somewhere to go back to (as in a home)? I'd tell her to stop being selfish and think of her 10 year old. It can't be good for him to be uprooted like this. Guilt trip her into going home.

Poor lad Sad

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 03/04/2015 12:28

Ah, x post.

This is a tricky one. I doubt she'll be entitled to social housing. Is there a Swedish community around, someone you can get advice from?

Aussiemum78 · 03/04/2015 12:30

Does she have a return ticket?

You can't just emmigrate with no money, a kid and a baby. Is she hoping the baby will be born there?

I'd have a word with immigration.

Lilylonglegs · 03/04/2015 12:30

Lady Sybil I think that is a good idea, to tell her that she should go and talk to the unborn DC father face to face as she has been asking him for money via text and they have been arguing about it. I have reinforcements coming later to try and mediate the situation ie a friend we both know who is way more blunt that I am.

OP posts:
yoshipoppet · 03/04/2015 12:31

There was a thread about unwanted houseguests a while back, with some really good advice on how to get rid, if they refuse to go.

chickenfuckingpox · 03/04/2015 12:32

as an eu citizen she can throw herself on the mercy of the local HA and they will probably put her up in a b&b because you are throwing her out

Andrewofgg · 03/04/2015 12:32

Show her the door. And mean it.

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 03/04/2015 12:33

As much as people would love to, you can't run away from your problems because they just follow you. She needs to deal with it, face to face. Poor lad shouldn't be uprooted and taken away from his school and friends like this. When you have children you have to do what's in their best interests, no matter how hard it is for you, they always come first. Does she have family somewhere that she can stay with?

bloodyteenagers · 03/04/2015 12:38

I would be a cold heartless cow and say all that maybe so. However you are here until x date. Beyond that does not work for me at all.
Don't lend her any money either.
Any more criticism I would be telling her straight that there is the door, it's so crap here use it.

She should have been honest in the beginning. However I think it's just a story to play you. she is sensing that you aren't going to help her.

Lilylonglegs · 03/04/2015 12:40

Thingummyjig she would happily leave the son. She has already been talking about it! How her other friend would have had him for her while she goes to Sweden to sort out her affairs.

OP posts:
Lilylonglegs · 03/04/2015 12:43

Chickenfuckingpox if that is true I will happily go down there! Omg that could b the best thing I've heard. Let me call my local council now! The boy has lived in 3 different cities in the past year so he has already Been uprooted.

OP posts:
Clutterbugsmum · 03/04/2015 12:44

Where is the child father, does he know she dragging their son around Europe. Why isn't he in school.

bloodyteenagers · 03/04/2015 12:47

She won't get help with housing or benefits until she has been here for at least 3 months.
Even then she has to show evidence that she has been job hunting/in employment.
Even then she will not be able to claim housing benefit unless she is working.

Basically unless you deal with this now you will be housing her for at least 3 months.

Didactylos · 03/04/2015 12:49

how can she be terminating - again concerned with the practicalities- has she sought medical care here? is she going back to do this in sweden?
is there anyone else with parental responsibility for her son who can stop him getting pulled all over the place?

Lilylonglegs · 03/04/2015 12:52

FIrst three months she wouldn't be able to get emergency accommodation.

OP posts:
Nolim · 03/04/2015 12:55

It is not your problem to sort our her life

ClashCityRocker · 03/04/2015 12:56

Jesus. You would have thought, that if she was coming with the intention of staying with you longer term she would have gone out of the way to be a model house guest, wouldn't you? The mind boggles.

You will need to spell it out straight that she can't stay with you.

Lilylonglegs · 03/04/2015 12:56

He is not in school because she just took him out of school in Germany, before than he was in school in Sweden. The woman she was living with called the school to warn them what she was planning on doing and the school told her that she was not allowed to take the son out of school, however she cancelled her citizenship application so there wasn't anything they could do.

She is running away from Sweden because her boyfriend has a wife she didn't know about who has turned up.

It isn't an immigration issues as eu citizens can travel freely I'm the eu. I doubt the boy's father knows he is here as she was only meant to be coming on holiday.

OP posts:
CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 03/04/2015 13:00

No point calling the police or the immigration authorities - she hadn't done anything to warrant their involvement

Social services might need to be involved with the boy (who should of course be in school) so worth a call after the Easter break. Is there a local YMCA? They are probably the best bet for cheap, safe accommodation and some support

Lilylonglegs · 03/04/2015 13:01

She wants to do the termination here. It costs a grand so the unborn DC father will send her money for rent which she will use for that.

OP posts:
CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 03/04/2015 13:01

X post, sorry

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 03/04/2015 13:01

It's possibly a social services issue though?? Can you get in touch with the boy's father? If he doesn't know then she could be technically abducting him (I may be pushing things here).

Lilylonglegs · 03/04/2015 13:02

If anyone else knows where I can send her please let me know I'm desperate!

OP posts: