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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Kick Her Out Of My House Immediately?

967 replies

Lilylonglegs · 03/04/2015 12:04

I have the Houseguest from hell.

I was told before she arrived that she was coming for 2 weeks spending a week with another friend and a week with me. I have an 8 month old baby and she has a ten year old son and is pregnant with dc number 2. A day after she arrived she called to say that she has to leave her friend's house as her friend is going on holiday the next day. I thought this was odd as how can you come from a different country to visit someone and they tell you after you have got there that they are going away?

Nevertheless I told her that I wouldn't be around at that time as I hadn't expected her until 5 days later. She u ummmd and Ahhhhed saying that a hotel was too expensive and that she might as well go back to Sweden where she lives. I agreed with her although in the end she booked a hotel and ended up coming to mine a day sooner than arranged which I really was not too pleased with but is better than coming the 5 days earlier.

When she arrived my DC was with her grandmother so I took them out to a restaurant and invited another friend. We had a really good time. The trouble started the next day. She complained that my house was too small, my toilet is too small, there is no room in there for her to change comfortably, my sofa bed is too small and uncomfortable. I don't have any food containers, she doesn't like the type of food I have. The shops in my area don't sell the type of food she likes. I should have shave my daughters hair off to make it grow. My daughter would walk if she was surrounded by more children as her child walked at 7 months, why don't I feed my child salty pasta and on and on and on.

My daughter has a mild cold and she wants me traipsing around with them, even though I have told her my child is my priority and not her. I probably would have made more effort before her inconsiderate ungrateful behaviour.

Now where it gets worse is that she is saying that she doesn't want to go back to Sweden but wants to live in UK permanently. She is meant to leave in a week but claims money is coming to her account from the father of her unborn DC the day before she is due to leave, which she will use to source an apartment.

The problem is how will she find and move into a place in a week and who will rent a room to a single pregnant mother and child? She can't afford anything more than a room. My fear is that she is trying not to leave my house. She says her friend who went on holiday will let her stay for a few months until she finds her feet, but that friend is not due back for another 3 weeks. I've asked her repeatedly where she will go until her friend comes back as she is leaving mine in a week and she just keeps saying "it will work out" oh and I forgot she has already asked me to lend her £300 when she knows that I am only on maternity pay.

Would I be Unreasonable to just tell her to leave now as I don't think I can take much more of this!

OP posts:
monkeysox · 03/04/2015 12:07

Yanbu. Cheeky mare

catgirl1976 · 03/04/2015 12:08

YANBU :( That sounds awful

Has she got somewhere to go if you kick her out? I'd be spending all my spare time finding a room any room for her to rent

Sad for her child though? Sounds a very unsecure existence (not that it is your mess to resolve)

Lilylonglegs · 03/04/2015 12:08

I Feel guilty because she is pregnant and her son is lovely.

OP posts:
NobodyLivesHere · 03/04/2015 12:10

Whaaaaaaat??? No. You are not being unreasonable!

Aquarius1 · 03/04/2015 12:11

Yanbu. Get her out & call the police if she refuses to leave.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 03/04/2015 12:12

But who is she? Why have you got her?

TribbleNamedDave · 03/04/2015 12:13

Get her to leave, she'll never go unless you force the issue.

Lilylonglegs · 03/04/2015 12:13

Catgirl I called a few places and no one is interested without any payslips, or reference then having a child makes it even harder as most want single professionals. She has no job and relies on the unborn child's father sending her money. I had a talk with her this morning about how she can't just go dragging the son around without any plans of what she is doing and nowhere to stay and she said that everyone goes through hardship and she will come out of it. I just really don't even want to waste my time even searching for places for her to rent and getting dragged into her drama as it is affecting my mood and I have my own child to take care of.

OP posts:
DextersMistress · 03/04/2015 12:13

Yanbu. How do you know this woman? I'd be having a very frank chat with her, making it clear she is not living with you until something comes up.

butterfly2015 · 03/04/2015 12:14

Tell her your mum/granny/anyone is coming to stay on xx date and she needs to be gone by then.

I made the mistake of inviting a friend and her four kids to stay with us at Xmas and her kids trashed my dds room, were ungrateful about presents and moaned about the food. Her kids were also running about the house at 11.30pm on Xmas eve until I lost it and shouted at them. I spent Xmas day evening trying to sort out the chaos my home had been turned into. The friend went go stay with another friend who said her kids did the same at hers plus the mum slept in leaving her to deal with all the kids. Both of us cried over this. It was awful and its put me off ever trying to help anyone again.

I really would just say I don't have spare money, you can't stay any longer and then never ever invite her back.

PureMorning · 03/04/2015 12:14

Give her the number of a hotel and boot her out

cookiefiend · 03/04/2015 12:14

Get her to leave. What a weirdo. Don't feel bad about it- just get her out.

Lilylonglegs · 03/04/2015 12:15

The reason I let her stay was about Two years ago I stayed with her in Sweden for 4 days. This was before I had my daughter and her son was with his dad. I had a really nice stay and wanted to return the favour but all the drama and criticism is too much particularly as I have my own child to consider now.

OP posts:
Marynary · 03/04/2015 12:15

How long have you been friends with this person? The story regarding her friend sounds very unlikely. It sounds as if the whole thing is a set up and her intention all along has been to come and sponge off you until she can get benefits to stay here. She is trying to take advantage of you so don't feel guilty about telling her to go home.

ragged · 03/04/2015 12:15

Where is the dad of the 10yo? Poor lad.

DidoTheDodo · 03/04/2015 12:16

Of course you aren't being U. She sounds very flaky and a drain on your emotional and physical resources. And ungrateful to boot!

ssd · 03/04/2015 12:18

do you know her or did she just turn up?

Lilylonglegs · 03/04/2015 12:18

Butterfly wow sounds just as bad. I already have my mum coming to take the sofa bed after they leave, but I know they will want to sleep on the floor. I really feel like this is going to get messy and I am going to have to be very harsh to get them out. I'm just pissed with myself as I have another week of this and really don't even want to stick to even having them that long.

OP posts:
Didactylos · 03/04/2015 12:19

so many questions!

why is she and changing countries alone while pregnant, with a young kid/in such an ad hoc manner, whats the issue with the partner?
does she have a right to stay/work in UK (Eu citizenship) or are the immigration issues (not anti-immigration but curious as to the practicalities eg maternity care etc)
how brassnecked/thick skinned is she- if you said 'no, not possible/I am going away on holiday myself now' what would she do

FenellaFellorick · 03/04/2015 12:19

You need to sit down with her and say you do understand that no matter what arrangements you have or have not made, you are not staying here after X date. On X date you must leave. It would be unwise to come to me on X date and tell me you have nowhere to go because you must leave here on X date and you will be homeless.

Lots of repetition of the date and baldly stating what will happen is what is needed when people have an idea in their head that you will be made to do things their way.

Lilylonglegs · 03/04/2015 12:20

I have known her since 2009. She was my very good friends brothers girlfriend. I didn't know her to be a user although some of her behaviour was questionable.

OP posts:
AlpacaPicnic · 03/04/2015 12:20

Don't just kick her out. She is pregnant. She's been annoying but unless she starts being aggressive or stealing stuff from you I think you have to suck it up for the few days you agreed. In a years time this will make a great thread on here!
She sounds awful but you can just say to her 'my house my choices' and invite her to find a hotel if she doesn't like it.

Btw I don't think her other friend 'went on holiday' I think she couldn't cope with it either. Dont 'lend' her any money either!

ThingummyJigg · 03/04/2015 12:22

Christ on a bike.

Who is this person and how do you know her?

Keep the son and send his mother packing.

mammuzzamia · 03/04/2015 12:24

Gah, the loveliest friends can turn out to be the awful house guests

You need to have a frank discussion about her future plans. Kindly reminding her, if she tries to much outstay her welcome, that she hasn't found it entirely comfortable or to her liking at your place.

MrsDiesel · 03/04/2015 12:25

What an awkward situation. I would tell her that she needs to leave on agreed date and your sorry you can't help. How do you know her?

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