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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Kick Her Out Of My House Immediately?

967 replies

Lilylonglegs · 03/04/2015 12:04

I have the Houseguest from hell.

I was told before she arrived that she was coming for 2 weeks spending a week with another friend and a week with me. I have an 8 month old baby and she has a ten year old son and is pregnant with dc number 2. A day after she arrived she called to say that she has to leave her friend's house as her friend is going on holiday the next day. I thought this was odd as how can you come from a different country to visit someone and they tell you after you have got there that they are going away?

Nevertheless I told her that I wouldn't be around at that time as I hadn't expected her until 5 days later. She u ummmd and Ahhhhed saying that a hotel was too expensive and that she might as well go back to Sweden where she lives. I agreed with her although in the end she booked a hotel and ended up coming to mine a day sooner than arranged which I really was not too pleased with but is better than coming the 5 days earlier.

When she arrived my DC was with her grandmother so I took them out to a restaurant and invited another friend. We had a really good time. The trouble started the next day. She complained that my house was too small, my toilet is too small, there is no room in there for her to change comfortably, my sofa bed is too small and uncomfortable. I don't have any food containers, she doesn't like the type of food I have. The shops in my area don't sell the type of food she likes. I should have shave my daughters hair off to make it grow. My daughter would walk if she was surrounded by more children as her child walked at 7 months, why don't I feed my child salty pasta and on and on and on.

My daughter has a mild cold and she wants me traipsing around with them, even though I have told her my child is my priority and not her. I probably would have made more effort before her inconsiderate ungrateful behaviour.

Now where it gets worse is that she is saying that she doesn't want to go back to Sweden but wants to live in UK permanently. She is meant to leave in a week but claims money is coming to her account from the father of her unborn DC the day before she is due to leave, which she will use to source an apartment.

The problem is how will she find and move into a place in a week and who will rent a room to a single pregnant mother and child? She can't afford anything more than a room. My fear is that she is trying not to leave my house. She says her friend who went on holiday will let her stay for a few months until she finds her feet, but that friend is not due back for another 3 weeks. I've asked her repeatedly where she will go until her friend comes back as she is leaving mine in a week and she just keeps saying "it will work out" oh and I forgot she has already asked me to lend her £300 when she knows that I am only on maternity pay.

Would I be Unreasonable to just tell her to leave now as I don't think I can take much more of this!

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 03/04/2015 13:05

How pregnant is she? Who does she think is going to look after her son while she has an abortion?

It sounds like a huge amount of fabrication on her part. I'd send her packing back to Sweden. Who leaves a huge country because of one man and his wife?

MrsHooolie · 03/04/2015 13:06

How do you know that she wouldn't get emergency accomodation for 3 months?

cashewnutty · 03/04/2015 13:06

What a difficult situation she has put you in. I hope you get some resolution to this matter when your friend comes round. I don't expect she will be able to find anywhere to go over this weekend being Easter and all that. Could you let her hang on until Tuesday, spend the time planning what she does next then release her to the mercy of the LA?

Pyjamaschocolateandwine · 03/04/2015 13:14

I think she's liar and a user.

Why have her near your own kids. You are not responsible for her or her child. She is.

Are you sure she is actually pregnant? Sorry if I missed something.

Tell her your deadline for her leaving and if she refuses to go contact the police.

She will leave fine if she thinks you mean it. She's probably got plenty of money in her account and is just using you.

Lilylonglegs · 03/04/2015 13:14

Online it does say you can't get help for 3 months. Just calling a homeless hotline as her having a child may change that? They say social services can help if they want but they can also take the child into care if they think that is in the best interest.

I'm going to try and persuade her to go back to Sweden. On failing that will have to make it very very clear that a week is all she has.

OP posts:
lemonyone · 03/04/2015 13:16

It's time for some plain speaking.

She hasn't come to be a 'guest' she has come to use you and your house as a launching pad for her rather tangled life.
You need to tell her this arrangement isn't working out for you anymore and that she needs to leave in 2 days time. Yes, this will be hard on her and her DS, but I suspect that it is half-hearted and piecemeal 'help' from people she is chaotically inflicting with her life that has gotten her into this situation. Her DS is, unfortunately, going to be flung around the place no matter what you do.

Try and help her using the good advice on this thread, but don't be fooled into lending her money or imposing on you anymore. You sound way too nice!

Lilylonglegs · 03/04/2015 13:17

Yes she definitely is pregnant her stomach is quite pronounced considering how small she is.

OP posts:
Andrewofgg · 03/04/2015 13:22

Has she got a return ticket? If she has offer help in booking the next flight and perhaps even a lift to the airport. Be matter of fact about it; she is leaving, let's sort out the modalities.

Pyjamaschocolateandwine · 03/04/2015 13:24

Ok well its still not your job to sort out her life and it wouldn't be helping either child.

Be careful she doesn't take off and leave her child with you so just tell her to pack up and go. SS will arrange emergency accommodation for the child and offer her their phone number/address but I suspect she's fine really and if she realises you mean it she will be off.

There are types that lie and lie and move on to use and use.

StinkingLizaveta · 03/04/2015 13:37

Listen, the relationship you have with her is extremely tenuous. She's not your close friend and you have absolutely no obligation to take on her problems as your own. You undertook to have her for a week, so you should honour that.

What she does and where she goes is her concern and not yours. She's a problem-bringer and has doubtless outstayed her welcome wherever she's been for some time now.

Be hard and be strong. Getting involved in her problems will bring another and another and another to your door, of that I have no doubt. She's not even an appreciative guest, so she needs to sort her own shit out. Don't be blackmailed and don't feel guilty.

KatieKaye · 03/04/2015 13:44

I would tell her she is leaving tomorrow - because the longer she is in your house, the greater the chance she is going to come up with more excuses as to why she has to stay
She is rude, forced herself upon you and isn't actually a close friend. In other words, she is a user who preys on kind people.
It wil be very hard for you and you will probably feel incredibly guilty. But do you want to be stuck with her for the next few years until she gets bored again>

icelollycraving · 03/04/2015 13:50

Bloody hell,what a nightmare Shock
Poor son,she sounds deluded & not someone I would want in my home but the son would really affect how I treated her.

Floggingmolly · 03/04/2015 13:58

She's planning to spend the rent money on a termination... She has no intention of moving on anywhere, how could she? And of course the local HA won't offer her accommodation; she's been in the country for two weeks, to all practical purposes on holiday Hmm
If it was that easy I'd be booking flights only for all future holidays and throwing myself on the mercy of the local councils instead of wasting money on hotels, wouldn't we all?
You need to send her on her way now before you become embroiled in her car crash life even further.

FenellaFellorick · 03/04/2015 14:12

If she's spending the rent money on a termination - what is she going to use for rent money?

She told you that money was coming in which she would use to get accommodation, right? Money coming into her account just before she is due to leave?
And that the money for the accommodation would actually be spent on an abortion
which leaves the question of how does she afford to rent somewhere?

Actually, none of it makes sense.

She is due to leave. But the day before she is supposed to leave, this man is to send her money for accommodation? Meaning he already knows she isn't going back? But she isn't going to spend that money on accommodation anyway, but an abortion? Leaving her with no money to live somewhere?

It all sounds like bullshit to me. If I were you, I wouldn't believe anything she says about anything and just get her out of your house.

LividofLondinium · 03/04/2015 14:21

You've been kind enough to offer her a place to stay but it simply isn't working out. She is not honoring her side of the deal, to be a good house guest, so I'd get rid of her ASAP rather than wait a few days. I think she's taking the piss to be honest. Get your mate round for moral support and tell it's not working out and that she has 24 hours to bugger off. If you want to be helpful you could find the cheapest local B&B for her to book.

Ratfinkandbobo · 03/04/2015 14:24

She would be much better off in Sweden than here. Contrary to many people's perception, benefits in this country are much lower than Scandinavia, Germany etc. tell her to contact Swedish embassy. Her poor son, she sounds a very irrational person. Has she got family you can contact? It sounds like you're going to have a hell of a job getting ridFlowers

Andanotherthing123 · 03/04/2015 14:29

I agree with pp-don't wait for her to 'miss' your deadline.Ask her to leave asap.She is spinning a web of lies and has already made you responsible for her wellbeing.Stop searching for accomodation for her and concentrate your efforts on getting her out. You will never find a satisfactory solution to a liars life.

wowfudge · 03/04/2015 14:31

She came on holiday for a week and dumping her baggage and problems on you. But you don't, and shouldn't, take on the responsibility. She has a source of income so please don't get embroiled in helping her out. From what I understand, she'll be better off in Sweden than here.

Hissy · 03/04/2015 14:32

Ok. You have been lied to from the outset.

This is undeniable. Either the friend before you didn't exist, or wasn't expecting her.. Hence the fact they they are going to be away until LONG after this woman is supposed to be long gone.

You sit this woman down. You tell her that she's lied to you and that for this, you are telling her to go, in 24 hours and not come back.

She can go to a hotel and then fly back to Sweden where she will get help.

She is not your problem. She's scamming you. Don't fall for it.

That poor son of hers :(

GraysAnalogy · 03/04/2015 14:37

bloody hell.

You'd think that in her situation (if all is true) she'd be going out of her way to be nice to you not dictating to you and complaining. How dare she.

She sounds like a bully and a manipulator.

Be strong, do not feel guilty.

Lucked · 03/04/2015 14:44

Don't think I could kick them out prior to their actual departure date but I would sit her down and explain that she will not be staying even a day longer and then stick with the plan. I imagine she will have a little money or the bfs money may have arrived by then.

Missymum6 · 03/04/2015 14:47

Would a woman's refuge/hostel not take her in?

Eggynuff · 03/04/2015 14:48

I agree this is a scam.

She is accepting money from the father for her unborn child yet she is going to terminate the pregnancy. I wonder if she will even tell him, or just keep taking the money.

She has taken her son out of the country possibly without the knowledge of his father.

She is a user, has no consideration for the needs of others and her child is being neglected.

I would call the police just to let them know about the boy. If his father is concerned about him at all at least they will be able to let him know he is safe.

Also contact social services and ask for their advice. He is the priority here.

Cinnamoncookie · 03/04/2015 14:48

Does she have a key to your house? Please get the locks changed when you chuck her out - she may have kept a copy of the current key

KatieKaye · 03/04/2015 14:50

She came early - she can go early.
She's been nothing but a pain since she came.
The longer she stays, the more settle she is.

For all these reasons, and of course the fact that you are getting dragged into all her "issues" - tell her to go asap.

unless you actually want to house and feed two (soon to be three) unwelcome house guests?

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