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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Kick Her Out Of My House Immediately?

967 replies

Lilylonglegs · 03/04/2015 12:04

I have the Houseguest from hell.

I was told before she arrived that she was coming for 2 weeks spending a week with another friend and a week with me. I have an 8 month old baby and she has a ten year old son and is pregnant with dc number 2. A day after she arrived she called to say that she has to leave her friend's house as her friend is going on holiday the next day. I thought this was odd as how can you come from a different country to visit someone and they tell you after you have got there that they are going away?

Nevertheless I told her that I wouldn't be around at that time as I hadn't expected her until 5 days later. She u ummmd and Ahhhhed saying that a hotel was too expensive and that she might as well go back to Sweden where she lives. I agreed with her although in the end she booked a hotel and ended up coming to mine a day sooner than arranged which I really was not too pleased with but is better than coming the 5 days earlier.

When she arrived my DC was with her grandmother so I took them out to a restaurant and invited another friend. We had a really good time. The trouble started the next day. She complained that my house was too small, my toilet is too small, there is no room in there for her to change comfortably, my sofa bed is too small and uncomfortable. I don't have any food containers, she doesn't like the type of food I have. The shops in my area don't sell the type of food she likes. I should have shave my daughters hair off to make it grow. My daughter would walk if she was surrounded by more children as her child walked at 7 months, why don't I feed my child salty pasta and on and on and on.

My daughter has a mild cold and she wants me traipsing around with them, even though I have told her my child is my priority and not her. I probably would have made more effort before her inconsiderate ungrateful behaviour.

Now where it gets worse is that she is saying that she doesn't want to go back to Sweden but wants to live in UK permanently. She is meant to leave in a week but claims money is coming to her account from the father of her unborn DC the day before she is due to leave, which she will use to source an apartment.

The problem is how will she find and move into a place in a week and who will rent a room to a single pregnant mother and child? She can't afford anything more than a room. My fear is that she is trying not to leave my house. She says her friend who went on holiday will let her stay for a few months until she finds her feet, but that friend is not due back for another 3 weeks. I've asked her repeatedly where she will go until her friend comes back as she is leaving mine in a week and she just keeps saying "it will work out" oh and I forgot she has already asked me to lend her £300 when she knows that I am only on maternity pay.

Would I be Unreasonable to just tell her to leave now as I don't think I can take much more of this!

OP posts:
Andrewofgg · 03/04/2015 19:33

I suspect I'm not privy to the full story

OP That's like Noah saying it might be a bit damp!

You certainly are not and you don't want to be. Get her out; don't lt her in the door. PLEASR!

catontherun · 03/04/2015 19:34

Stay strong, do not give in.

HighwayDragon · 03/04/2015 19:36

Jesus, that's some brass neck!

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 03/04/2015 19:43

You know for a fact her friend didn't go on holiday. She took the piss there too and her friend kicked her out. I suspect the woman in Germany kicked her out too. I suspect this happens quite frequently.

BoneyBackJefferson · 03/04/2015 19:45

FromMeToYou

at what point in your opinion can the OP kick her unwanted house guest out?

KatieKaye · 03/04/2015 19:47

Actually NOBODY is saying "throw them out."

Posters are saying DO NOT LET HER IN.

There is a difference.

mathanxiety · 03/04/2015 19:53

I think you should try to contact the father of the ten year old in Sweden asap, and impress upon him if at all possible that his son is in danger, because he is.

I would also contact the Swedish Embassy about the child's welfare, but this would probably have to wait until Monday. Maybe call the NSPCC and ask if there is any way you should contact SS? I think the boy should be repatriated to Sweden and his father should have custody. I agree with KatieKaye's take on things here.

The woman is probably lying about every single detail. She sounds unhinged.

flippinada · 03/04/2015 19:57

Katie and math raise very good points. It really bothers me that she is dragging her son around like this. Poor kid :(

SauvignonBlanche · 03/04/2015 20:03

I feel sorry for him too.

Lilylonglegs · 03/04/2015 20:05

Social services can't do anything as she isn't resident here and I'm sure she would just say she is on holiday and show them the return ticket. The boy's father sees him during holidays so I'm sure just expects that they are still in Germany. I don't think she is trying to keep the boy from the dad just making very bad choices and leeching off people in the process. When she asked me for the 300 I said no way. Why would I take the little money I have to fund your abortion when I have a mouth to feed plus I don't have a man sending me a monthly allowance plus extras like she does.

With regards to the rent money. She is trying to get three months up front from the boyfriend in Sweden and then pay for the abortion pay two months and then change her number, and cut ties with him, then look for a job.

OP posts:
FromMeToYou · 03/04/2015 20:05

*Actually NOBODY is saying "throw them out."

Posters are saying DO NOT LET HER IN.

There is a difference.*

It has the same result.

MaybeDoctor · 03/04/2015 20:06

I think that your next step has to be calling Children's Services for advice. At the very least that child should be returning to Germany with his mother to start the new school term, returning to Sweden or registering with a school in the UK.

Lilylonglegs · 03/04/2015 20:07

He does not know she is planning on using the rent money for an abortion. He is doing all this because she is pregnant, so she knows once she no longer is the cash flow stops.

OP posts:
MaybeDoctor · 03/04/2015 20:07

Have you spoken to social services?

Floggingmolly · 03/04/2015 20:11

The boyfriend who's happy to fund her rent in England; is this the same boyfriend who's tracking her iPad in case she speaks to other men?? Hmm
Can you not see what a pile of utter hokum the tale she's spinning you is?

Lilylonglegs · 03/04/2015 20:14

The boyfriend is happy to fund the rent because she was living with him when his wife popped up and took her place and yes it's the same one!

OP posts:
Skiptonlass · 03/04/2015 20:14

I live in sweden and there is no way a single parent would be left homeless like this - swedish welfare is pretty much the best in the world.

It's vital you report this, she could have taken this boy away from his father and school. It's a child protection issue. The embassy in London is shut for the Easter weekend so I suggest going calling anyway in case there's emergency cover and if not going down the list of consulates to find someone who is open!

www.swedenabroad.com/en-GB/Embassies/London/Contact/Embassy--Consulates/#Edinburgh

And honestly, if you can't find any if them open, I'd call 101 and talk to the police.

Eggynuff · 03/04/2015 20:21

Lots of us have been saying talk to the police. Come on OP, forget about the friend's real or imagined dramas and focus on the child.

VenusRising · 03/04/2015 20:34

I agree skiptonlass, contact the Sweedish embassy ASAP.

You don't have to feel responsible or guilty, I'm sure you've done your best.

She does sound like she has some MH problems, and isn't behaving rationally. I hope you all find a healthy win win solution.

Ineedacleaningfairy · 03/04/2015 20:36

Where is she officially a resident? In Sweden or Germany, which countries does she have citizenship in? It sounds like she needs to wake up and take responsibility for her child, is the 10 year old Swedish?

Lilylonglegs · 03/04/2015 20:50

I can't call any welfare because she has a return ticket and would simply say she is on holiday. It is the Easter holidays so technically she has not done anything wrong yet.

OP posts:
Lilylonglegs · 03/04/2015 20:51

She is resident in Sweden. The boy was born there. She moved to Germany recently and applied for citizenship and enrolled the boy in school. He was taken out for this "holiday"

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 03/04/2015 20:52

I would be tempted to call 101 also.

The mother can shift for herself but the child is vulnerable. She can't keep on moving him from post to pillar and into and out of people's houses. She is staying with people and just trusting they are wouldn't abuse her child or let her stay on condition that they or their partners or friends could abuse her child. (I am not implying you are going to hurt him or are interested in hurting him, please note...) But I think there is neglect and endangerment and potential endangerment here as her child is essentially being forced to live with strangers and is not in school as he is pretty much homeless, in effect even if not actually sleeping rough under a railway bridge, and this is his own mother's choice.

mathanxiety · 03/04/2015 20:54

Do you have a name for his father in Sweden? An address? Any way to get in touch? Could the embassy help?

Have you tried sitting the child down and chatting with him about their peregrinations and the places they have stayed? Does he speak English?

catzpyjamas · 03/04/2015 20:57

Have you seen the return ticket? If you know when their flight is, I'd be making sure they were at the airport in plenty of time. Then I would be letting her boyfriend know what she planned for his rent so she doesn't get more money from him to come back. I'd also try to let her ex know how his son is being 'cared' for.