To be fed up with healthcare professionals

[Underthedeepblueocean]

I just feel so judged. Everyone seems quite set on pointing out my problems but when I ask them for solutions they don't have any then!

Take my family - they are all dead. Now I know that is unusual but I'm hardly going to lie about it am I? But I have to put up with 'really?! No one? No family AT ALL?' It just drives me mad.

Then I keep getting the ninth degree because my marriage recently ended. I just don't feel ready to talk about it. It's still very very painful and raw.

I know it's pathetic but midwife and health visitor and gp just keep conveying I can't do this but I have to!

Yes I suspect you're probably right. It's rubbish though as these are the people meant to be supporting you!

You haven't misunderstood gobblin?

Sorry - it was just when you they wouldn't be placed with foster carers, I thought I had missed something re: what the plan was.

Someone posted an open letter from a Doctor to explain. Basically they think they are a mini God. When they come across a complex problem they get cross at you for damaging their ego and giving them problems. They get nasty and blame you for them not knowing what to do and reminding them how limited they are.

Yes; DH was too!

Yes - I think a home birth is a good idea but you would need someone to help with your baby. A doula could be good for that -particularly if she could bring another one in training along

Yes but I think doulas are there for you not as childcare!

Where are you?

At the moment the English side of the England/Wales border but may be moving.

A doula might be able to source someone who could care for your other baby, though.

I had a doula at my first birth. their role is to support you and that is a very wide mandate - therefore if you need some help with your baby and have discussed that beforehand, i know that my doula would have no issue with that. She'd rather you were calm than wortying about the baby. If you can give a rough location, I could pm you here details

Maybe - I guess I am trying to involve as few people as possible

I am hoping to get an au pair or nanny. But that's dependent on moving.

I take it trainee dulas are police checked that is a good idea.

Mine had a DBS certificate that she showed us. So would assume that others are bit definitely ask

There are agencies the HCP's can refer to. It wouldn't meet children's social care thresholds (from the small amount of info you have given) for safeguarding (until you rocked up the the labour ward with your dc's in tow saying I have nobody to have them which happens more frequently than you would think) but it could go in at Child In Need or CAF level so that resources and plans can he put in place for different scenarios. I had a case where dad worked out of the UK, Mum had a terminal illness that had critical periods where she needed emergency hospital admissions and her 2 dc's were looked after by an in home care agency paid for by social care. They looked after the kids and helped mum with meals etc in the 6 months before her end of life period. It can be done if you have proper referrals, good assessment and allocated resources.

Yes, I work in a children's residential unit, and we have had emergency placements where parent with no support is admitted to hospital. Not ideal though, the kids are usually traumatised I would try and sort something if I was op.

I'm trying

I know you are, I was kind of directing that to pp, as we work in same field. You say you due in July so plenty of time to sort it.

If this charity covers your area then this is exactly the kind of thing they can help with:

www.safefamiliesforchildren.com/

I do find that people with supportive family and close long term friends struggle to believe that you don't have family and friends. Of course a hcp should have the ability to show empathy for your circumstances though and I'm sorry that you ended up feeling disbelieved. I think people are increasingly having periods of their lives when they don't have much support, it is probably more common than many realise.

It sounds as though you are making plans.
If they fall through, the state will step in and find emergency care for your DC s. They will be ok.

I read some of your previous threads, and I'm sorry that you have this childcare worry adding to your worries. It sounds like you def did the right thing splitting with your stbxh.

Are you planning to move to the smaller house nearer the town? Would this give the opportunity to make more social connections?

I live in a city so this may not apply, but some local childminders provide emergency care 24/7. Your council can give you a list of local childminders and you could ask them. Obviously not ideal, just a suggestion if you haven't tried that.

im sorry you feel they aren't being helpful but i do think they are asking some very important questions. the good thing is at least you have some time to figure this out. i understand you don't have any family but does your husband?

No, he's one sister but she lives abroad. His parents died when he was 17.

That sounds really hard op

Do you go to baby groups or anything like that? Just wondering if it might be worth asking someone there if they could help out, I think most people would offer to help if they knew the situation.

They probably would but in some ways I am making it into a problem as I really don't want people knowing - not just for me but for my son.