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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to feel sad about being dumped by my deceased dh

110 replies

Mermaidhair · 02/04/2015 05:52

I had a reading with a medium yesterday. This medium is quite famous, very expensive and it took me a while to get an appointment. She was the real deal, she had written down a load of information before I even arrived. She asks the persons name and aged at death that's it. She asks you not to say anything at all during the reading. Basically I feel like I have been dumped by a deceased person! My dh said it is time for me to move on, he still loves me, it's just a different shade of love! I'm feeling really really sad:( We were so so in love, i can understand him wanting me to move on, but being told he loves me in a different shade is fucking with my head a bit! Am I loosing it? It has been 12 months. Our children are Tweens, teens or adult. Xx

OP posts:

Joyfulleastersquad · 02/04/2015 05:57

She Probally meant the 'new' bloke would be a different shade of love?

I was told I would have eight kids. I have two and no plans to have any more as I physically can't! Don't get hung up over it.

Sorry for your loss

SpearmintLino · 02/04/2015 06:04

This was really cruel of this person. Unfortunately, she has benefited financially from making up this story about your husband that is simply not true. Please try to forget what she said, and cherish your true memories.

Original poster

Mermaidhair · 02/04/2015 06:04

Thank you for your thoughts, she definitely said he still loves me it is just a different shade of love. She kept repeating it. I really thought our love transcended death. Thank you for your condolences, it is very sweet of you. :)

OP posts:

Original poster

Mermaidhair · 02/04/2015 06:06

I wish I didn't go, I think I'm not as healed as I thought I was.

OP posts:

AlternativeTentacles · 02/04/2015 06:10

Sweetie, there is no such thing as a medium. This person made up a story and took money off you to tell you a bag of bullshit.

Amy106 · 02/04/2015 06:12

I am very sorry for your loss. The important thing is the love you shared and the memories you have. I don't think you can find a sense of closure through any means other than time. Please save your money for other things.

LadyintheRadiator · 02/04/2015 06:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Justyouwaitandsee · 02/04/2015 06:17

It sounds like the generic, vague sentiment and perhaps one she thought you'd find comforting or want to hear. I imagine she assumes that a lot of people who visit Her are looking for reassurance that their loved one is ok and 'permission' to move on with their lives. Obviously in this case she got it badly wrong.

If you ask about a specific person then it is obvious they are very close/special to you. If you supplied a name and age in advance then there is every chance she would have time to find a death certificate or obituary online which she could use to find out your relationship.

Please try to disregard everything she said, and focus on what you know about your DH and relationship. You don't need anyone external to give you validation. Focus on things he said before he died and when you married, and the commitments you made to each other. These cannot be taken away or changed by this stranger's comments.

Original poster

Mermaidhair · 02/04/2015 06:18

She said my dh mentioned a key ring with a four leaf clover that says the luck of the Irish and good luck finding it. My eldest daughter has that key ring and I asked her to send me a photo of it but she couldn't because it was lost! I don't know how to explain that!

OP posts:

toomuchtooold · 02/04/2015 06:21

This stuff is bullshit. She'll either have researched you based on your booking details, or she'll have been reading your unconscious responses when she said anything, or a bit of both. She's not in contact with your late DH. She probably thought it was a good thing to say to help you move on or some shite, but it was an awful thing to say and NOT TRUE.
Go easy on yourself, 12 months is not a long time to get over losing your partner.

MerryKat · 02/04/2015 06:21

What were you hoping the medium might say? If this was really them talking to your husband would he have said something that baffled and upset you? I am so sorry for your loss and your heartbreak but I don't think this person talked to your husband. The fact that they had stuff written down before you even got there seems strange.
Don't give this room in your head. Move on when you're ready and know that your husband loved you just as you think he did

Original poster

Mermaidhair · 02/04/2015 06:21

I only gave his name and age when I got there. We have different surnames, she only had my full name in advance. It's freaking me out a bit, I will never dabble again.

OP posts:

BictoriaVeckham · 02/04/2015 06:21

Why had she written things down before you got there? That would ring alarm bells with me.

I'm really sorry for your loss. I used to believe in mediums etc but over time I've become skeptical. Think about your husbands true self and ask yourself- what would he want for me in life after he's gone?

AlternativeTentacles · 02/04/2015 06:27

Why would your husband focus on a lost keyring? If he really knew he could speak to you, would he waste time prattling on about a keyring?

MinesAPintOfTea · 02/04/2015 06:34

Did your DD post about the keyring on face book? Its little details like that which fraudsters pick up and use to make themselves sound genuine. Even if you didn't speak, 'mediums ' actual skill is in reading your reaction and adapting to it.

Sorry for your loss, but this woman doesn't have the skills she claimed to.

mummytime · 02/04/2015 06:34

Please go and get yourself some proper counselling, Cruse?

If you don't kno how she could know so much about you then try watching as a start.

The keyring could have been the result of a "fishing for information exercise", we have two in my house with that symbol - they open the shed, one often gets lost (or maybe on trying I'd find someone had left the shed door open again, or...).

Eastpoint · 02/04/2015 06:39

I'm so sorry for your loss, it seems so hard to lose someone young who is so deeply loved. I found the first year after a loss very hard, I was marking the first birthday, first anniversary, and so on. I don't think you will ever get over his loss, the pain will hopefully fade and not be as sharp or constant.

Original poster

Mermaidhair · 02/04/2015 06:40

Thank you mummy for the link! I have just finished watching it. I feel very naive, but I do feel better:)

OP posts:

seaweed123 · 02/04/2015 06:47

These people are scum. They prey on the vulnerable. Please disregard everything that she said, and don't let it upset you.

I can't tell you exactly how she did it, but they are professional con artists, they have lots of tricks of the trade.

You are the person who knows your husband best.

CornChips · 02/04/2015 06:50

Oh Mermaid sorry for your loss.

I agree with previous posters, it sounds like a safe generic thing to say that is meant to be comforting.

Mehitabel6 · 02/04/2015 06:52

Do not go near mediums! Certainly not in a vulnerable state. It is madness to think that if your husband were to get in touch he would be wittering on about key rings! You would be much better off with an organisation like Cruse and meeting other widows.

pineappleshortbread · 02/04/2015 07:00

Firstly i am sorry for ypur loss

Secondly i hate people like this. I do believe in mediums but i dont believe that

pineappleshortbread · 02/04/2015 07:03

Sorry posted to soon..

I dont believe that a true medium would take money for this service. Being a medium would be a gifted and one i dont see people using for selfishes reasons such as money. She lied to you and probably researched ypu before hand using your name. Try and ignore what she said and cherish what you and your husband believed together because what ever he told you in person he will still mean in death and the worda ypu heard directly from him mean more that what any stranger can tell you.

anorakgirl · 02/04/2015 07:04

You have nothing to be ashamed about, the 'medium' on the other hand....

Kakaka · 02/04/2015 07:04

Do your family all have their facebook profiles, twitter etc locked down? You'd be amazed what it is possible to find out about people. Try googling your name with quotation marks around it.

The notes before you arrived sound dodgy as arse to me.

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