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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel sad about being dumped by my deceased dh

110 replies

Mermaidhair · 02/04/2015 05:52

I had a reading with a medium yesterday. This medium is quite famous, very expensive and it took me a while to get an appointment. She was the real deal, she had written down a load of information before I even arrived. She asks the persons name and aged at death that's it. She asks you not to say anything at all during the reading. Basically I feel like I have been dumped by a deceased person! My dh said it is time for me to move on, he still loves me, it's just a different shade of love! I'm feeling really really sad:( We were so so in love, i can understand him wanting me to move on, but being told he loves me in a different shade is fucking with my head a bit! Am I loosing it? It has been 12 months. Our children are Tweens, teens or adult. Xx

OP posts:
ImMelting · 02/04/2015 12:08

mermaid so sorry for your loss.

I feel so angry with this 'medium' on your behalf. It's bullshit. I hear people saying all the time that it's 'harmless fun', but as you know, it's not. These people prey on the bereaved to make money and I don't know how they sleep at night Angry

Years ago I lost somebody very close to me. A few years later I saw a 'psychic medium' who said some very confusing and upsetting things to me that my loved one was apparently 'saying' to them. It really hit me hard at the time and put me right back in the middle of grieving for them when I thought I had moved on from it all.

I am not a complete non-believer in life after death, but I am a complete non-believer in psychics, mediums, etc. I sometimes wonder if I have had contact with my lost loved ones when strange coincidences happen - like an obscure song playing on the radio at a poignant moment; etc. I know they are probably just coincidences, but on the other hand, they may not be. What I do know is that if my loved ones are out there somewhere, they will try to make contact with me, not some woman down the road who charges £30 a pop...

You know your DH loved you and that fact will never change.

Flowers
GoGiYerHeedAWobble · 02/04/2015 12:11

Please ignore this woman.

I will probably get a (well deserved) flaming here, but I worked on tarot phone lines for a very short time.

It is so, so easy to read people. Even make accurate guesses about things.

People used to call me, and because I am good at talking they would give so much away without even realising it. A lot can be given away in a couple of words, even an accent or a star sign(people who go to these things usually believe in the zodiac too) can give so much away. I managed it over the phone so I imagine in person it's even easier to do.

I didn't do it for long because I couldn't stand desperate people in desperate situations calling, hoping for answers and me just making up things they want to hear.

Cold reading is scarily easy to do.

Thanks I'm so sorry for your loss.

Weebirdie · 02/04/2015 12:15

How sad, Op if there was any way your beloved husband could get a message to you he'd speak to you himself.

Please try and ignore what this woman has said and surround yourself with the joy of knowing you were adored and still are.

Flowers
motherofmonster · 02/04/2015 12:18

just googled my name and it came up as a question i had asked on a local facebook page. from that you can see i have children. Work out dates of birth ect and see some of my profile.
The Question i asked was about things to do with a 3 year old at christmas, further down the thread someone suggests making rainedeer food.. i say that we have already done it and my son loves it.

A further search just linked my name to a 'memory giving' that i had donated to when my dad died last year.it links to the message that i put on there 'love you forever dad' and it also listed the names of family members and their messages and donations.
The Same page shows the date of death and where the donations are for the air ambulance.

So just from that someone could tell me that my dad died in December last year. The Names of family members. Inside family jokes. and have a pretty good guess that it was a sudden and unexpected death as that is when most people would need a air ambulance.
They can also guess that i have a son, how old he is and could make up some bat shit crazy story about a older loved one watching us making christmas treats ect . You see it really would not be that hard to embellish this into a believable story within 2 mins of google searching.

brainwashed · 02/04/2015 12:31

Didn't find that much when I googled my name....but googled my first love's name and up pops a photo of an older but familiar face Blush on linkd in. To send a message or not?

cowbiscuits · 02/04/2015 12:51

So sorry for your loss Mermaidhair.

Hate to say it, but these "mediums" basically are making money from people's grief and loss.

They are not contacting the dead. They are using skills that can be learnt, they are very clever perceptive people who can pick up all the cues you give in response to their statements. They are good listeners. Maybe they justify what they do by saying they are helping people, but surely it is unethical to do this by lying.

I'm sure there are people who find comfort from their words, but this one has messed up and hurt your feelings. It's a disgusting way to make money.

Some of these "mediums" probably actually have the listening and communication skills to go into proper respectable, ethical, counselling professions, but they wouldn't make as much money.

If people genuinely a had "the gift" of contacting the "other side" why would nobody offer it without requiring money or fame in return.

I don't know if you've tried contacting CRUSE or any other bereavement support groups. I think they would be much better placed to help you than someone who is trying to make money by lying to you.

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 02/04/2015 13:08

"op there are lots of genuine mediums out there as well as charlatans - just like in any other walk of life. Your own discernment and intuition/gut instinct as well as the kind of information they give you will tell you whether they are genuine or not...and usually the messages are what we need to hear not what we want to hear. "

I am sorry, but that is abject rubbish.

If the message was what she 'needed' to hear, why would her own husband (presumably someone who knows her very well), word it in a way that made no sense.

I am sorry you have been upset OP. It's all bollocks. Sometimes the mediums even believe themselves, but it's still bollocks.

Isn't it amazing how, in the short amount of time your husband had to talk to you, he blethered on about a keyring that you didn't even know was lost. I mean, if I was in another realm and I had a small window of opportunity to speak to my loved ones, I think I'd use my time more wisely. Wouldn't you?

I hope you find peace and can move past this. Flowers

Andrewofgg · 02/04/2015 13:55

there are lots of genuine mediums out there as well as charlatans

Wrong. There are no genuine mediums. Just some who are dishonest and some who are delusional.

BitOutOfPractice · 02/04/2015 14:02

motherofmonster's little googling exercise shows exactly how they garner information. The Internet is manna from heaven for these despicable people

I hope you're alright op

FreudiansSlipper · 02/04/2015 14:04

why would anyone that could talk to those that have passed away also not be able to be aware of what would be harmful to those still living Hmm not sure what gift she has

please ignore her an awful awful thing to say

BitOutOfPractice · 02/04/2015 14:06

And sugarontop shame on you for that post.

How the actual fucking hell dare you tell the OP how her husband is feeling? You need to have a long hard think about how your psychobabble bullshit might affect someone else. You really should.

Not only is it utter bullshit, it is attempting to emotionally manipulate another, vulnerable poster. I hope you can sleep at night

Ratfinkandbobo · 02/04/2015 14:07

How awful these people make money out of other peoples misery.
My friend had a bad experience at one which left her very upset (but she still believes in it, her dp and dd have both passed)
These people trade on your vulnerability, disgraceful IMHO
Flowers for you, sorry for your loss

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 02/04/2015 14:57

As andrewofgg says they are either charlatans or delusional.

Im so sorry OP that this person preyed on you at a time you are/were vulnerable -horrid!

My late mum once went to a medium at a local fete for a giggle thinking it would be along the lines.. You have a dog called rover and and someobe in your family called John... Oh my she so wished she hadn't gone... Talked loads about her family would badly let her down and someone was out to cause difficulty. It really really affected her.

Lovebug85 · 02/04/2015 15:33

I have a friend who likes to think she is 'sensitive'. I am skeptical but she seems to have a very good, what I call, intuition.
She has floated in these circles for many years (she is in her late 40s) and will always maintain that a true 'medium' would never, ever take any money for their readings. She sees hers a gift that she should share and I have seen her stop people in the street and pass on her 'message'. (And often be spookily correct in what she has passed on. Lucky guess??)
I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm so sorry that this person appears to have preyed on and profited from your feelings and grief.

morethanpotatoprints · 02/04/2015 15:39

she had a lot written before you arrived
Either she or her researcher had obviously done a good job.
Don't they all say this when somebody has a deceased other one, you do tend to hea it a lot, like standard spiel.
I'm sorry if you were taken in and believed what this person told you. Thanks

grannytomine · 02/04/2015 16:04

If I google my name I get all sorts of interesting stuff, unfortunately none of it is about me. I didn't think I had a very common name, I have never met anyone with my surname, other than my husband's immediate family and there aren't many of them.

If you google me you might think I am a top academic, a lady who wrote a craft book, a teacher and lots more besides. I hope no one looking for me looks at the photos, not very flattering.

KidLorneRoll · 02/04/2015 16:11

Oh ffs.

There is no such thing as a genuine psychic. They are either frauds or self-deluded, and nobody can claim otherwise until some genuine proof that people can actually talk to the dead comes to light.

Which will be never.

Andrewofgg · 02/04/2015 16:15

Noel Edmonds once said that BT had now found a way to contact the dead: dial 100 and wait.

UAprilFool · 02/04/2015 16:26

I think 'mediums' that do readings for free are just as sinister as ones that charge. Make no mistake they are still doing it for their own purposes be it for the accolade or the attention. They are nasty people who prey on the vulnerable.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 02/04/2015 17:00

"op there are lots of genuine mediums out there as well as charlatans"

No there are not. There may be well intentioned mediums without the insight to see its not credible in the slightest, but that's it.

I believe in life after death, but not these kind of fakes.

scalliondays · 02/04/2015 17:29

Dear Mermaid
I'm very sorry for your loss - 12 months isn't very long at all and might even be the time when your grief is at its worst because you haven't had long to start healing. Presumably since you waited for and paid money to see the medium you must have some belief in the persistence of the soul. I'm pretty agnostic myself but my Mum who was brought up as a Catholic firmly believes that when someone close dies they sort of stay near to comfort their loved one and then after a while move away onto the next part of their spiritual journey. Maybe you yourself feel and believe that and it would not mean any lessening of your husband's love for you. Take care and seek solace in memories and small everyday pleasures.

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 02/04/2015 17:44

I just googled the guy sat next to me at work, i now know where he went for his last 3 holidays (flicker), his wifes name, his address (192.com is great) what he looks like (ok i knew that before but every photo that came up in the images list was him.) and his name isn't that rare.

pippop1 · 02/04/2015 17:48

My Mum was told she would die in her 40s by a medium. She's 84 now.
A load of rubbish.

Norland · 02/04/2015 17:59

OP, is ' your' keyring, like any of these?

www.ebay.com.au/sch/i.html?_from=R40&_trksid=p2050601.m570.l1313.TR0.TRC0.H0.Xlucky+clover.TRS0&_nkw=lucky+clover&_sacat=0

You can narrow down the search. It's a shame there are such wicked people in the world, who rob the bereaved in this way.

Who did you see? Debbie Malone? Charmaine Wilson? Lisa Williams?

This article might help:

www.theage.com.au/it-pro/mediums-rare-20110216-1aw1k.html

MidniteScribbler · 02/04/2015 18:38

I went to a hens party years ago that was us all going to a psychic and I was very deliberate in my talk and actions. I wore a ring on the traditional wedding ring finger, so of course she prattled on about my fiancé (I was single) and I made a comment about "will I have lots of children?" which she seized on and started talking about having lots of kids (at no point in my life have I ever wanted more than one). They pick up on very subtle things and run with it in order to tell you want they think you want to hear.