AIBU to feel sad about being dumped by my deceased dh

[Mermaidhair]

I had a reading with a medium yesterday. This medium is quite famous, very expensive and it took me a while to get an appointment. She was the real deal, she had written down a load of information before I even arrived. She asks the persons name and aged at death that's it. She asks you not to say anything at all during the reading. Basically I feel like I have been dumped by a deceased person! My dh said it is time for me to move on, he still loves me, it's just a different shade of love! I'm feeling really really sad:( We were so so in love, i can understand him wanting me to move on, but being told he loves me in a different shade is fucking with my head a bit! Am I loosing it? It has been 12 months. Our children are Tweens, teens or adult. Xx

Lovey the medium didn't speak to your husband she said what she thought was comforting to you i am very sorry for your loss these mediums generally mean no harm but charging for this service imo is immoral

you gave money to a woman who made up some bullshit story.

not a single word she said is true and she didn't talk to your husband.

be angry at this conwoman for taking your money and but not sad about what she said as she made it up

We're not at all Irish, and ours was left by the previous owners.
Its also vague enough that if you hadn't bitten she could have changed it - "Oak leaf? Nope thats the wrong shape...umm Maple leaf? Oh well he just wants to say look out for it...Now what about..."

My mils friend was a spiritualist i personally never got a reading but the woman used to do readings for her taxi fare she didn't charge anybody she did believe what she was saying but a lot of what she said was generic stuff and she was also nosey she knew everybody where she lived and only did reading s in her home town

No one posting here has a clue about the after life, if there is one, as none of us posting has died.

I saw a medium years ago before internet days, she didn't know my name and told me incredibly accurate things and things she said have since cine true years later. She didn't charge either. Some people do have some sort of gift.

However op that's by the by. Your dh loved you and always will please don't be tearing yourself apart like this. You need some help and cruise is fantastic.

There's no shame in seeking answers and comfort but you don't need to spend any money for that. True mediums don't charge.

Op you can learn so much about someone just studying body.language, words and whats not said. Combine that with the power of google and what people give away on the net (not just you but friends and relations) and you have a powerful tool for discovery, and stalking.

She told you what she thought would help you heal, compete generic rubbish. She took advantage of your vulnerability and probably wanted you to feel much better after so you would give all your praises to her and recommend her as well as coming back.

How awful OP, this 'medium' has completely taken advantage of your grief and made money out of it. It's such a clichéd thing to say - 'different shades of love' and 'move on', I really wouldn't listen to any of it. That's easier said than done when you've lost someone close though.

If your DH could actually contact anyone, why would he contact a medium who you have to pay a fortune to and who tells you cryptic bits of information? If contact with deceased people was possible then they'd go to the ones they love! And they'd be clear about what they meant too, because if you knew you were leaving your loved ones then you wouldn't want them to hurt when you went.

Contact with the deceased just isn't possible, there are so many awful people out there willing to exploit the tiny ray of hope vulnerable people have that it becomes a question of 'what if?'. This medium has done research some how, she may know someone who knows you - there are so many different ways. Please don't listen to the crap she told you, in your heart you know that the relationship you had will be the relationship you will always have. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Mediums are at best simply deluded and at worst fraudsters. The person you saw was nasty.

I hate mediums. The talk shite and nothing but shite.

OP, I'm sorry about your DH.

You haven't been dumped - your husband wants you to move on and re-embrace life. In the long run, that's the healthiest thing for you. It's going to take time though, it doesn't sound as though you are ready. I was widowed with 3DC (7,10,12) 15 years ago. My experience is that grief seems to come in layers, once you've navigated through one level it seems that another one appears. Be kind to yourself. He's asking you to let him go and begin to look outwards.

She is nt the real deal, she's a fraud. Please try and ignore what she said and focus on what you know to be true about your husband's love for you. xx

OP, think about it. You knew your husband. If he really was in contact with this woman, do you really think he would say something which he would know would hurt you so much?

Hmmm, I think you have been played. Total "copy & paste" "stock" answer from her.

In this day & age it isn't hard to goggle someone & most people "THINK" that grieving partners want to be granted permission from their deceased spouse to 'move on'

She told you what she THINKS you want to hear. It just shows that she has no fucking idea about you or your dh, because she had incorrect info.

Do you really think, for all you remember of your dh & your lovely relationship that he would say such shit? If he had one more moment with you, would he tell you his love was a different shade?

I bloody bet not.

OP I'd ignore this medium.

The few times I've had dealings with spiritualists (who are similar I believe) they seem like charlatans and preying in the relatives of the deceased. I was told some info about my grandad (who I didn't know and it was very much plucked out of the air with a name that could have been anyone's) and another relative but the other relative I couldn't place at all.

Have you seen a bereavement counsellor?

Take care.

I don't think there are different shades of love when someone dies. Love is love; it's everlasting and unchanged by time and distance. You'll love him for the rest of your life, even when you meet someone else and settle down once more, the love you feel for him won't suddenly dissolve or evaporate. Your heart will simply make room for someone else.

It's up to you if you believe this sort of thing. Personally, I don't. I do believe in counselling, though.

I think I'm not as healed as I thought I was. Of course not, and shame on this woman for playing with your grief.

I am so so sorry for your loss!

This was all her, telling you it's time for your grief to stop. She had no right to do that!

You haven't been dumped - your husband wants you to move on and re-embrace life I disagree, because she didn't speak to her husband, she spoke with a charlatan!

You poor thing. So sorry for your loss it must be so raw.

I too went to a "famous" physcic and left in tears worried sick about what she had told me. I had a lot of stuff going on at the time but to cut a long story short she told me my mum would never get a transplant and to prepare myself for her loss within 16 months. 6 years later and 1 successful transplant later she is still here. I asked if I should proceed with ivf desperate for a baby after 2 miscarriages and was told it will work you must keep going. £12,000 later it never bloody worked. I stupidly put all my faith in this person and she was nothing more than a thief. I was so desperate at the time that I hung on every word and it was all rubbish. I suffered a lot of heartache and worry for nothing.

Think kc people Scottish physcic and don't touch her with a barge poll!!!!

They "read" you and can respond to your body language to help them. So, for example, if she says "He loves the outdoors" and you nod, or smile fondly, then she can begin to make some guesses about his love of hiking, or cycling, again reading your responses.

Many years ago my boyfriend killed himself. My sister (as a "birthday present") took me to "her" medium. I felt I had to go through with it as it was a present. I am notoriously difficult to read, apparently. I was also determined to give nothing away. I was told a huge amount of pish, including that he had died in an accident, that he was a keen reader. This was rubbish. Him being a keen reader was based, I think, on the book in my handbag - he did not read much at all and I am an obsessive book lover.

One thing you need to hold on to. If your DH was talking to anyone, it would be to you - not some bloody charlatan medium you have paid. You can still communicate with him because you know him, and love him, and know what he would have thought and said.

It gets better. It is truly shit, but it gets better. And, your grief is a mark of how much you loved him and NOT a bad thing.

Don't pin your thoughts and words onto me

I pinned nothing anywhere

I merely quoted your comment because I agree that this is what a medium does and expressed my view on people who do that

Aww love that's not nice for you is it. If it makes you feel better I firmly believe that love does transcend death. This medium prob wanted to let you know that it's ok to move on eventually and thought it would sound better if it came from your dh than her. Love is amazing, it's stronger than anything else, death included. I have every faith that your dh is waiting for you. But in the meantime... he'd want you to live right? bless you, I can't imagine how you feel. Thoughts with you x

Can you find out if any of your relatives have posted about the keyring on the social media?

I would find it very interesting if they have not, because it's a strange thing to pull out of thin air if she didn't get that information from social media.

I was a spiritualist. Left and became agnostic so I have seen my fair share of mediums who don't charge. Some have said some amazing things, others not so much and this was pre social media days. I still don't believe though. I think some have a gift and can tell us amazing things but I don't think it is spirits giving them that information.

I am sorry for the loss of your husband and I hope you do get some more counselling. Try not to be upset by her words, she is talking shit

The James Randi Foundation (JREF) has an ongoing offer of $1 million for anyone who can prove their "mediumship" claims under proper observation

You'd think they'd be delighted to take the money and prove once and for all that they really can do what they say, but most avoid it and the ones who've taken even the preliminary screening test have all failed miserably

Best, perhaps, to treat these charlatans with the contempt they deserve ...

I agree with everything that has already been said, but wanted to add that I recently accompanied a friend who went to see a medium after the death of her mother. She couldn't be talked out of it so I went to provide some scepticism.

My friend, who wanted to believe in it so badly, came out talking about the one or two lucky guesses that the medium 'got right' but had completely disregarded all the dozens of other things that were non starters.

You are focusing on the key ring without thinking about the things she got wrong.

She will have trawled through your entire family on social networking sites.

As I said to my friend - if your mum could talk to you again and give you one last message, it wouldn't be about where to look for the fucking lost casserole dish.

Disgusting shameful charlatans and I'm so sorry this particular one has put thoughts in your head that have the potential to taint your memories of your husband.

My friend, who wanted to believe in it so badly, came out talking about the one or two lucky guesses that the medium 'got right' but had completely disregarded all the dozens of other things that were non starters

The usual pattern, I see With my own pal it was a totally unrelated mention of a seaside resort, to a different member of the audience. Thing is she'd once been there with her dad as a kid, so apparently that was "proof positive" that he was in the room that evening

I know you can't protect people from themselves, but I just hate this kind of thing

YABU to believe this person.
Sorry for your loss

op there are lots of genuine mediums out there as well as charlatans - just like in any other walk of life. Your own discernment and intuition/gut instinct as well as the kind of information they give you will tell you whether they are genuine or not...and usually the messages are what we need to hear not what we want to hear.

it's just a different shade of love well that is the truth - there ARE different shades of love. the love you felt with previous partners was a different shade to the love you felt for your husband. the love you feel for your family is a different shade to the love you feel for your friends. the love you feel for your children is a different shade to the love you feel for other people. A different shade of love doesn't make that love any less real, precious or genuine - it's just a different shade and it needs to be in order for us as humans to understand the different types of relationships we have with others throughout our life.

your husband hasn't stopped loving you - because real love never dies. It just changes hues/shades over time. E.g, a couple in their 90's who are still very much in love in with each other - but the shade of love they feel now is not the same excited/sex mad etc love they had in their younger years.

whilst it's good not to 'feed' the medium with information during the reading you should always ask questions at the end to clarify anything you don't understand or want more information on.

i feel what your husband was trying to say to you was that the love he has for you is endless and unconditional and all-encompassing - and he does not feel jealous, threatened, bitter or angry that you will find another man to love and be happy with. it IS a different shade of love he feels for you now because there is no way he would have been happy for you to move on with someone else whilst he was alive and loved you like he does This different shade of love has allowed him to give you his blessing to move on in your life - which you do need to do when you're ready. 'Divine' love is a higher state of loving and a different energy compared to 'human' love, so it is a different 'shade' but it doesn't lessen the human love you shared but elevates it.

i hope that clarifies it somewhat for you