about DPs parents and a car seat?

[passmethewineplease]

Honestly need to hear if I'm being unreasonable and a little anxious/paranoid.

My DS is 17 months and is currently rear facing due to it being safer. I don't think MIL really understands why I do it tbh.

They've been on about getting a car seat for their car and asked me to have a look but I have sort of put it off as I didn't want him forward facing.

They have gone and spent 120 pounds on a forward facing seat. I am not overly pleased tbh, they knew my stance on it. She even said she didn't want RF she wanted FF. Surely it's not about what she wants it is what's best for my son's safety?! She says oh I haven't ever had a crash and I don't drive on fast roads, like that makes me feel better. it doesn't have to be her driving badly for a crash to happen someone else could cause it.

I don't feel like I can say anything. probably because I am a bit of a coward and panic at confrontation

He won't be using it all the time just occasionally.

Am I being a bit OTT? DP says it's a good FF seat but that's about it.

Surely some of the kids in rf link were too tall for the seat? Heads well above the back of the seat

I wonder if mil doesnt like the dirty shoes on her seats? Dog poo etc whereas ff dangle more
Dd is 3 nearly and even just those couple of yrs rf wasnt such a thing once she outgrew baby car seat.
Also what happens if person in front is
Very tall
Overweight
Pregnant
Or you have a small car

I still haven't seen what car the ILs are driving.
If it's a little 3 door Nissan Micra / metro then YABU
If it's a great big family Picasso sort of car then I'm not sure, but you could be not unreasonable.

Yes because I really have bad mouthed them on this thread al Stop trying to make out I'm calling my in laws terrible GPs because I'm not.

naty If it's uncomfortable then presumably they dont do it. It isn't compulsory to erf.

I've also read that what is comfy for children isn't necessarily what's comfy for adults.
For example, kids sit in a manner of positions voluntarily. Like when they sit on their bums, but their knees are forward and their legs are folded 'back' in a 'm' shape. It looks very uncomfy, but toddlers and young kids sit like that by themselves. They aren't uncomfy, though we would be uncomfy if we were sitting that way.
I guess what I'm saying is that it is easy to assume it isn't comfy because we wouldn't be. But kids do sit in some really odd positions anyway and are happy doing so.

They asked you to help pick them a seat. You chose not to. You put it off, you could have had the control of what seat, took the time to research a seat and maybe compromised.

You didn't! You are now not In a position to complain about it.

I do think you need to seek some advise regarding your anxiety as it's clearly troubling you.

Shit mum alert! I didn't know rear facing was safer! Even worse I didn't know you could even get rear facing seats for up to 4 years....surely their legs get in the way.

I'm sure someone will be along to enlighten me?

You missed your chance to insist on RF when they asked you to help them. You could have printed off the info to give to them and then gone shopping somewhere where you know they will support your view.

You refused, so they did what they thought was best.

I would have sympathy if you had tried your hardest and they still rode roughshod over you but you didnt. You put it off and are now cross with them for doing their best without the very help you could have given them.

Its seems that they cant do right for doing wrong!

And yes, your anxiety is a major issue in this.

Is it really super easy to transfer your RF seat, OP? Like a 30 second no brainer job?

When I looked at RF seats they definitely required more expertise to fit correctly than FF. Plus I would have had to drive many hours to go to the special fitting centre (everyone said it was essential to take my car to the special fitting centre to get the right RF seat). What's more, the number of neurotic people I have spoken to who talk about how no seat (including FFs) can be properly fitted quickly; they all take time and care to be truly secure stick your knee in hard etc. and special half-day training courses I suspect.

You really should have headed this off at the pass by finding the perfect seat for your ILs and getting it fitted correctly yourself. You can still do this. I assume not a seat that braces against the driver or passenger seat since those might need to move around.

sister it's a Citroen C4 14 plate

apaprently they "cross legs, prop them up on the seat back, or hang them over the sides of the seat." see csftl.org/rear-facing-car-seat-myths-busted/

I dunno, whole FB thread talking about chronic issues people have encountered in fitting their RF seats to specific cars. Doesn't look easy to me.

Shame if MIL has wasted all that money.

YANBU. I will not put my child in FF. RF is so much safer. It's just common sense. DS is 4.5 and still RF, and it should see him through to six-ish. I'd go RF myself if I could! :) Not a chance I'd risk his safety like that. I wouldn't let my child go in their car. They knew your opinion, and undermined it.

Do you think MIL doesn't want your DS to RF is because it looks like a criticism of how she car-seated her own DC/other GC?

ragged, our RF seat for our 4.5yo is a faff to move, it's not a 3-second no-brainer job, and it's extremely heavy and cumbersome. But it's worth it, right, for the best safety precautions for our child.

bogey I don't think they'll ever see erf like I do no matter how much I insisted They were never going to buy an erf seat.

Ragged I would have no issue with that!! MIL has said she wanted forward facing NOT rear facing. And yes it is that easy. It belts in like a Group 0 car seat.

I said why I felt rf was safer. I said I didn't mind transferring the seat every time.

Obviously she doesn't want to drive with my son rf and I plan on asking why.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=gmoQ0le-_Cs

Does that really look that difficult and time consuming? I don't think so and even if it did I offer to always install the seat anyway.

Probably because she is thinking that if she turns round she wont be able to see him and worries that if he is sick or something she wont know.

A reasonable assumption if she has no experience of rear facing.

The fact is that its done know. Either you have to accept it or make a fuss. Its up to you to decide which you think would be the best course action.

Why does she drive your son once a week?

YANBU .

abs I'm not sure tbh, I think it's a case of well they sell them so they're safe Enough which I don't dispute. What I don't get though is why you wouldn't want the safer option?

If they'd spoken to me about why they have such a problem with rf then maybe I wouldn't feel so undermined? I don't know.

I'm aware as bogey has said that my anxiety about car accidents is making this worse. it's not something I've ever really confronted though.

bogey she and GD take the Him and his older sis to town for a chippy lunch and general treats. Sometimes they drive in or she may go see her mum who adores little ones. Like I said previously I really am laidback about everything else! It's just something about cars/car crashes that worry me.

They aren't safe enough at all though, are they - that's the point!
They also sell cigarettes!

I'd love to know why MIL is so anti RF!!!

I don't have anxiety about car accidents - just a healthy desire to have my child be as safe as possible.

Bogey, I have a mirror fixed facing DS so I can see him when I am driving.

I now feel the need to go out and buy 4 rear facing car seats for my 2 year old dd (1 for my car, 1 for my dps and 1 for each set of grandparents)!!
she does ride in their cars at leat once a week when they see her, all of which have forward facing.

Sugar this is a picture of my DD rearfacing (and her newborn brother!). She is a tall 3yo (105cms) and entirely comfy.

You knew that your MIL wanted a car seat for use in her car and she asked you to help her pick it out. You didn't do that so you can hardly complain now.

You should have picked a car seat you were happy with and you should have paid for it. My dd occasionally travels in both GPs cars and I've bought them both the car seat of my choice, precisely to avoid this sort of situation. They shouldn't have to pay out for something that's for the sole use of your child.

I really don't see what your MIL has done wrong here. She asked for your help and you didn't give it. If it was that important to you you could have picked out a a RF car seat then, why complain after the event? Or did you just offer no input so you could slag her off when she gave up waiting for your help and bought her own seat?

Could be worse - My PILS just put DD aged 2 on the back seat when they couldn't work out how to move the car seat to their second car. Their justification was 'well our DCs never had car seats and we never killed any of them'.
I think not getting the car safety thing is partly due to the generation gap.