about DPs parents and a car seat?

[passmethewineplease]

Honestly need to hear if I'm being unreasonable and a little anxious/paranoid.

My DS is 17 months and is currently rear facing due to it being safer. I don't think MIL really understands why I do it tbh.

They've been on about getting a car seat for their car and asked me to have a look but I have sort of put it off as I didn't want him forward facing.

They have gone and spent 120 pounds on a forward facing seat. I am not overly pleased tbh, they knew my stance on it. She even said she didn't want RF she wanted FF. Surely it's not about what she wants it is what's best for my son's safety?! She says oh I haven't ever had a crash and I don't drive on fast roads, like that makes me feel better. it doesn't have to be her driving badly for a crash to happen someone else could cause it.

I don't feel like I can say anything. probably because I am a bit of a coward and panic at confrontation

He won't be using it all the time just occasionally.

Am I being a bit OTT? DP says it's a good FF seat but that's about it.

You're not being OTT, but you should buy the seat.

I dont see why we should buy a seat when ours is easily transferable three

OP, you seem like a very sweet person, obviously want to do the best for your DC and their safety.

But, even reading this thread has been exhausting. I feel for your MIL (and your DP) if you're sending articles about RF vs FF after they've already bought it. £120 isn't a small amount of money, and I think it's very nice of them to have spent it on a car seat which is only for occasional use.

There are a million risk assessments to make as parents on a daily basis - it really isn't healthy to dwell on "what ifs?" all the time, as it will freeze you.

When my PFB was a baby I was obsessed about dental health - he never had a dummy or a bottle, was breastfed for a year. His teeth were beautiful and I was smug about it. One day as a pre-schooler he was playing, tripped over his own feet and smashed his front teeth in. I was heartbroken. I had worked so hard to make his mouth healthy as a baby, and then as a pure fluke it changed in a moment.

Pick your battles with your MIL, she seems like she's trying hard.

Where do their feet go though? My DD is 3 and I cannot see how it would work, there's be nowhere for her legs?

How many doors does their car have? And how fit are they re back issues etc?

Roar, but the MIL knew BEFORE she bought the car seat that the OP wanted the baby to use an erf seat.

"If they are in RF till 4 where do their legs go? "

grannytomine Yes I wondered about this too. I am clearly out of touch (my DD is 19!) but I can just imagine how bored and whingy a child of 2 or above would be if all they had to look at was the car seat. Don't they get upset if they can't look at the adults in the front?

Their legs bend Cumber. There are some photos here www.rearfacingtoddlers.com/gallery.html

DS just looks out the window. I don't think either of them are that bothered about looking at the back of mine and DP's heads tbh

Rear facing is 5x safer. That's not minuscule! I don't think you're being unreasonable. Could offer to return and top up cost of needs be. Otherwise show them the videos and stats. Your child your choice. I bought my dm a erf seat even though she drives him way less than you are talking about.

Slightly OT, but back to Which?

It is unfair to say they don't like extended rear facing seats etc.

They have the Maxi Cosi 2 way pearl as a best buy with a 75% score.

They also have a Cybex Sirona as 76% and 5 other rf seats rated 60% and above. The Joie Stages is rated only 26% and a don't buy. This is not because it is a rear facing seat, but because they don't believe it is safe.

What seat did they buy?

When are they going to be taking your child in their car?

All you can do is (1) talk again and ask that they change the seat they bought for a rear facing one (2) not let them take your child in their car (3) accept your child will be ff when in a car with them.

That's only two seats. The britax ones are great and they've given that a don't buy despite it passing one of the strictest safety tests available. That's why I don't really rate which?

roar don't worry I haven't sent anything. I'm pretty good at keeping my mouth shut to keep the peace Tbh!

But didn't they give it a don't buy on how difficult it was to fit, rather than lab safety tests? I'd say being able to fit the seat properly is pretty vital to safety.

I looked at the link and some of the children are alot younger than 4 and some look very uncomfortable. I have a small hatchback and I think they would be more squashed in mine.

My daughter suffers from travel sickness and we were relieved when we could put her in forward facing, think it was 6 or 9 months in those days. She got so distressed rear facing and I think when my husband was driving it was dangerous, I am quite good at tuning things out but he couldn't.

Oh well mine are all grown up so I don't really need to worry.

My 3yo (105cms so a tall one) RFs and she crosses her legs or hangs them over the edge of the seat or rests them up the seat back. She can see fully outside of both side windows and the back window. She is perfectly comfortable.

Just for those asking where their legs go.

RF until 4??? Where will their legs go???

Funny how perceptions are different - I thought all the children 3+ looked perfectly comfortable in those photos. In fact I think generally it's more comfortable being able to rest your feet on something than having them dangling.

Read back a few posts NotLove

Thanks my ds is 3 and I think he would crack up with his legs like that. In fact he was such a huge baby (think 12m + clothes at 4m) I'm sure he was out of his rf baby seat at 9 months on the dot as he was too big for it.

I am not going to argue anymore about the pros and cons of Which? Nor list all their rear facing seats that got good scores (if anyone wants to see, it only costs £1 to join which on a one month trial (just don't forget to cancel)).
I am also in complete agreement that extended rear facing is a good thing. i just thought it was important, mainly for other posters, to be aware that you CANNOT by rear facing seats that are rated highly by Which and that they are not some anti-rf organisation which is what OP was suggesting.

YANBU. I wouldn't have wanted my children ff at 17 months either.

We had the same issue my IL's. They already had a ff seat which they used when my SIL and her son were staying, so they took it personally that I didn't want my children using it. As far as I was concerned that was their problem not mine. I used to leave my car with them to use and that seemed to solve the problem.

Everyone has their non-negotiable rules when it comes to their children. For some it's car seats, for others it's bedtime or what their child eats. I insist on rf seats until at least the age of 4 and that's just the way it is.

If I were OP, I'd offer my car or transfer the rf seat. If neither of those options were accepted my child wouldn't be going in their car.

I would keep it short & sweet (& firm), OP. Thank you very much for buying a car seat, mil, but our child will only be in bf seats. It is much safer. I suggest that you return the seat and I will install ours in your car if needed, or you exchange the one you bought for a bf one. Done.

Something I wasn't suggesting that at all. Just that I think it's important to know that which? Isn't the be all and end all. I'm happy with my rf seat of choice. It's more about how I feel MIL completely disregarded my opinion on the matter.

Thanks Hamish that is how I feel so if you could just tell my MIL this that'd be great. I'm laidback on pretty much everything it just this worries me that's all.

Alert the elders, mobilise the army.
In laws in shock trying to do something helpful scandal.
Bring back the death penalty, such wicked people must be punished.