aibu to have kicked my son out tonight ?

[mrsfuzzy]

ours has been a close family but tonight it was all blown apart because of one of my 17 year old son's behaviour, he certainly isn't ds anymore as a result.
last november, he was found down loading seriously nasty hard core porn, i'm broad minded but this was really bad stuff, he sister discovered it by mistake on his lap top after she asked to borrow it, massive melt down in the household as a result, the 'invasion of his privacy' caused a massive row and his siblings wanted him booted out over night as they were so disgusted by his attitude to it all, his lap top, thankfully, developed a bad virus from something he had watched and crashed the entire system as a result, so it was thrown out. which brings us to this evening, it appears that he has been watching again on his games console which has internet connection, he admits when his laptop when down he logged on to the console, the images and videos are truly vile, violent and not restricted to hard porn, it involves animal torture, cruelty to animals and women, thankfully no children, i was so angry i threw him out, phoned his estranged father who can only have him until tuesday, (back story there] and then i don't know what happens, but to be honest i don't care, there has never been any reason to suspect anything was wrong. he is polite and helpful, loves the family pets, goes to college, has no problems that i'm aware of, but he has turned into someone i don't know anymore.
does anyone have any ideas ? i don't want him here anymore.

tim so do you wish you didn't make that decision? I don't get the point of your post

Thankfully me neither. I think the op has now had to think about it and is now having to decide, she will be flamed for being too harsh or too light either way, and get told he nearly an adult/ he's still a child etc

I imagine like any normal mum she looked into it as much as she could when she saw it (to check it wasn't just a film & it was what she thought it was)

I bet most people would be a lot more willing to ring the police if they saw a video of someone committing a theft, robbing a car or bragging about how they are cheating benefits. We should take the same view with abuse and it would go some way to reducing the amount of actual abuse videos online. Real porn, with consenting actors is fair enough but I think it would do a lot of harm to marginalise how serious videos of rape, beastiality, abuse etc are.

It would depend entirely on the apparent source of the material

Weeeeel you see smillas maybe your not capable of defining what is inappropriate as you and other don't think op is....

Letting the police or anyone else "have a skim through" is incredibly violating

Bloody hell. We're talking about investigation of a possible crime here. It usually does involve some invasion of privacy! Your values scare me, Burke.

Actually, a high proportion of posts on this thread scare me. I'm aware of stories about the police being lax in their definition of 'extreme porn' and using the charge to harass folks they allegedly dislike. I'm also aware that this sometimes happens when their suspect is (very probably) guilty of a string of other crimes and they're looking for a reason to hold, question and search the suspect. Not ideal, but police work sometimes depends on arresting criminals for whatever they can get - traffic offences, quite often.

OP's son isn't wanted for drug running or human trafficking, presumably, so the police won't be looking for extra work where he's concerned. They will investigate. This may not even involve looking at his downloads. If it does, and his downloads are criminally abusive, then he'll find out it's serious and get help if he needs some.

I am just aghast at this thread.

Me, too.

It's like the word "porn" suddenly attracts loads of creepy arseholes.
Oh, wait. Yes, it does.

I am with Gralick. If this is actors, it is very disturbing. If the OP thinks these women are not actors its a film of abuse and rape. If the OP's son has paid to watch, he has effectively aided and abetted abuse and rape. Same goes for anyone who pays to watch children being abused. Whoever does this, WHOEVER, must be reported. There is no excuse.

Gralick such an investigation should only ever happen when there are good grounds to suspect a crime has occurred. Obviously I initially missed the bit about animal stuff, so I wasn't thinking that any of this actually crossed the line into illegal types of porn. If there wasn't anything to suggest a crime had taken place it would be completely unacceptable to "have a skim through".

I just wanted to add poor, poor OP. Most of this thread has been about what she should or shouldn't do. I just wanted to add a note of support. What a truly horrible thing to find. You and your DDs must be so deeply upset.

But, FFS, Burke, there won't be a flaming investigation if the police don't think OP's report has any substance!

You've just admitted you hadn't seen the most relevant fact. You could at least have the grace to climb down from your ridiculously untenable position.

Yes, ocelot, thanks for the reminder :)

You should speak to him to try and get him to open up about why he does this and how it can be addressed, after what's happened though he may not be comfortable speaking openly about it with you or his dad and maybe counselling or a help/advice line would be the best bet to get professional advice and help for this. Porn addiction is a serious problem and for all you know he may well be just as disgusted with himself as you are.

The son is probably experimenting, end of. There's plenty of distressing scenes in films like saw and last house on the left, but they aren't real. You also get different types of porn, like rape porn, bestiality and fake snuff.

I don't think the OP is entirely wrong in her actions because she has other children to think about and had given him a warning. I think people telling her she shouldn't have thrown the son out should remember this. However ultimately you need to step up and parent your children especially when they hit hard times. You don't inflict the hard times yourself, unless they have done something really bad. I wouldn't put accessing legal extreme porn in that league.

In fact, considering this situation a bit more, I wouldn't rely on the advice on here at all regarding this situation. You should get advice from professionals who I would think hear of this actually quite often regarding parents concern over what their dc are viewing. Try looking up parentline, or other support lines which offer professional advice to parents. They'll direct you in the best way to support him and address the problem.

yes zippy fgs never watch the film "I spit on your grave" if you don't want to watch gang rape and torture, I thought this was a normal horror film until i started to watch it, had to turn it off and have a cry it was one of the worst things i've ever seen - and they made a sequel!

I'm not sure what that means, Joyfull.

I find it extremely unlikely that a 17 year old is accessing the sources I would consider reportable.

I saw it a while ago, pretty relentless. It's one of those low budget revenge films where at least she exacts revenge on her attackers, Hills have eyes and Straw Dogs are pretty good too, though not in the same league to ISOYG.

Those films look old fashioned now though, especially with their low budgets. Nowadays you get some pretty graphic films like Saw 5, which I started watching the other day, even Man Bites Dog which was an interesting watch.

If you like that kind of film I'd reccomended Martyrs or Funny Games, which I thought were just awesome.

I think in terms of the ops son, he needs to learn boundaries. Do it in your own time and on your own computer and in your own privacy. Don't do it on a shared computer. Apart from that I don't think he has done much terribly wrong.

Slinging around the accusation that the OP doesn't love her son without reading the full thread and reflecting on the concerns expressed by other people is pretty dreadful in my opinion.
What's the point of apologising later if need be?

Tell your son that you love him deeply but dislike his behaviour and won't tolerate it. I would have a total ban on computers/iPads/phones by giving everyone a password but not him. He has to earn your trust. I think a placement doing voluntary work in an animal rescue place might help him understand just how awful the films were

I do wonder if there would be the same responses on here if it was child porn he was watching because the step from where he is to that sounds very small. Either way, the subjects of these films can be real people and real animals being subjected to appalling crimes. The films therefore need reporting to the police as evidence. These things are only filmed so people like op son can watch them. By watching he is involving himself in the crime. I would not allow a 17 yo in my house who is involved in such crimes, whether or not he is 'experimenting' with such criminal activity.

A 17 year old needs support and guidance through life and sometimes this has to be by showing him that his actions are intolerable.

Have you seen the remake of The Evil Dead? I can't believe they kept the tree rape scene. The original director had even apologised for that mistake.

I accept that the retribution in ISOYG was short lived and the film is misogyny disguised as liberation and it's very voyeristic.

The bestiality will have been real. Animals don't have a voice. The rapes would have been not real. The actresses would have consented to being mistreated. It's still not right to mistreat someone even if they consent of course, usually due to need of money. As for snuff, if you mean things like actual beheadings or people being killed - I saw a video where people were set on fire - it was real. Watching these kinds of videos is a far cry from really bad behaviour. He hasn't physically hurt anyone.

I think the problem with the ops son is his boundary issues. He should know not watch this on communal computers or games systems. He should do it in privacy.

At least he has somewhere to go. I don't think it's fair to say she doesn't love her son though. I think her actions were that of a mumsnet extremist, but who is to say being cruel to be kind doesn't work in some circumstances? She had previously given him a warning.

One of things I find most bizarre is the people assuming that the boy will have paid money for these films.

I can't imagine many 17 year olds, extreme porn addiction or not, actually go so far as to start accessing paid-for illegal porn. Go on dodgy sites and take what they can get? Yes. Maybe even find out how to surf the dark web and look at stuff there? Well, no, I find it quite unlikely, but perhaps. Actually be one of the few that pays for this stuff and thus supports the industry? Chances are vanishingly small. I somehow doubt that most really awful illegal porn is on pages supported by advertising content, either.

I don't understand why the leap from bestiality to child abuse images is being made here repeatedly. Has he shown any paedophiliac tendencies? (Haven't read the whole thread) They are totally different paraphilia.

My tolerance for both is very low obviously (zero for child abuse but slightly less than for bestiality if you had to put them on a scale) but it's not helpful conflating the two.

I am a bit shocked by the dm very cold and detached tone throughout. Sounds like her ds needs help. I truly believe that sexuality is subverted by something into paraphilia, and I would be trying to find out what.