Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about lack of wedding presents?

171 replies

pottingsoil · 27/03/2015 14:19

We didn't ask for any, to be fair, as we think that's rude. It was a very low-key and low-cost wedding, so people probably didn't feel they had to 'give something back'. But 5 presents when there were over 100 people there - is that normal these days?

OP posts:
PtolemysNeedle · 27/03/2015 14:20

Did you ask people to bring a bottle or anything like that?

Fudgeface123 · 27/03/2015 14:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

HomeIsWhereTheHeartIs · 27/03/2015 14:21

That's really sad! Did you get cards at least?

ChipDip · 27/03/2015 14:22

That does seem quite poor of your guests. Was it a really informal, 'party' type wedding. Maybe people saw it as a party rather and didn't feel they needed to bring a gift.

SisterMoonshine · 27/03/2015 14:23

How do you keep low key with a hundred people?
I would have given a gift though.
Was there catering / buffet or anything involved?

Starpupil · 27/03/2015 14:25

That's really odd. Are you sure they didn't go missing or something? No one goes to a wedding without a present or money and a card.

Welshmaenad · 27/03/2015 14:25

I would never not give a gift, and I don't see it as 'paying back' the cost of me being there but more a lovely token to mark the marriage of a friend. YANBU, it doesn't have to be much, does it?

FromMeToYou · 27/03/2015 14:26

How many families though? A family of six would probably only think of getting one gift, so that would reduce the amount of possible presents.
Did anyone contribute meaningfully instead of a gift? Eg provide the cake, do the flowers etc?

PrincessOfChina · 27/03/2015 14:26

Very odd. Who turns up to a party without a card or small gift for the hosts? Even a bottle of wine.

Starpupil · 27/03/2015 14:26

Yes that's a good point. Low key is not 100 people. Even more reason for people to give a present.

Original poster
pottingsoil · 27/03/2015 14:29

It was low key in that people came and saw us get married, had a plate of food from the buffet and were done in less than two hours. No cake, no flowers, no speeches, no dancing (cos we're boring like that).

OP posts:
DeliciousIrony · 27/03/2015 14:32

YANBU, that is poor.

Bogeyface · 27/03/2015 14:33

You poor wickle fings, how will you manage without all the prezzie wezzies?

And you had to say that did you? On what planet is that even vaguely helpful or even relevant?

Ever heard the phrase "If you cant say anything nice, dont say anything at all"?

OP 5 gifts out of 100 people does seem very little, I would have taken a gift, or at the very least a card if I was skint!

keepsmiling2015 · 27/03/2015 14:34

YANBU at at. That's really rude, unless you stated no present or something. You wouldn't turn up to a party without a present, even something small never mind a wedding. Did you at least get cards from people? That's so unusual for 90 people to give Nothing at all! !

NerrSnerr · 27/03/2015 14:35

That's really strange. Most people I know would never go to a wedding empty handed.

Parents or inlaws weren't telling people you don't want anything were they?

PtolemysNeedle · 27/03/2015 14:38

If the whole thing was over in two hours, there wasn't really a wedding. I don't mean that to sound as horrible as it does, because of course you got married that day and that is important. But wedding gifts can be a bit like birthday presents, they are given because when you go to an event you give the host a gift. People don't tend to get birthday presents just because they have a birthday, but if they host a party and provide all their guests with food, drink and a good day/night out then it's likely that they will get lots of gifts.

WayfaringStranger · 27/03/2015 14:41

YANBU that is quite odd. It doesn't matter if a wedding costs £1000 or £50000, you take a bloody token!

misssmilla1 · 27/03/2015 14:43

Did you ask for no presents, or made it obvious that you thought it was rude to ask for them?

NerrSnerr · 27/03/2015 14:43

People weren't travelling miles or needing to take time off work for. 2 hours were they? That might affect gifts if it's expensive for a short event.

Bogeyface · 27/03/2015 14:44

If the whole thing was over in two hours, there wasn't really a wedding

Of course it was. There was a marriage ceremony followed by a reception where the guests were fed. And wedding presents are traditionally to help the B&G set up home, very different to birthday presents.

Salmotrutta · 27/03/2015 14:45

The size/informality of the wedding event is totally irrelevant.

It's just a nice gesture to give newly weds a gift - even if it is small.

Especially if you actually attend the ceremony, eat some of the buffet and are part of the proceedings!

I even give small gifts to people if I'm not going to their wedding! It's just a "good wish" thing.

ImperialBlether · 27/03/2015 14:45

You shouldn't have to ask for presents and cards! If you had 100 people there and most were in couples, you should have had around 50 cards and gifts. Who were the 5 people, OP?

PtolemysNeedle · 27/03/2015 14:48

I do see that side of it too Bogey, but I think wedding gifts nowadays have moved a long way away from being about helping the B&G set up home.

I would have given a little gift and a card at that type of wedding, and it does seem odd that so few people gave anything.

Did you even get cards OP?

Original poster
pottingsoil · 27/03/2015 14:49

I'm not complaining, just wondering whether this is a thing now. We didn't ask for no presents either, just didn't mention it. And it was on an ordinary Saturday in the town where we and our families and friends live. The only reason I can think of is the informal nature of the occasion.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 27/03/2015 14:50

It certainly was a wedding, of course; but it doesn't sound like there was a reception as such, if the entire ceremony plus "grabbing a plate from the buffet" took less than two hours.
Maybe some people are confused and think you may be having a party later on??