about lack of wedding presents?

[pottingsoil]

We didn't ask for any, to be fair, as we think that's rude. It was a very low-key and low-cost wedding, so people probably didn't feel they had to 'give something back'. But 5 presents when there were over 100 people there - is that normal these days?

YANBU - even if it was just a token present it would have been ok.

I need a few more details though,

Is it a second marriage for either of you?
Have you already lived together for years and years?
Have you a small house, have few possessions and hate clutter?
We're your guests 'close' family and friends?
Did you give your guests much warning of the wedding?
Did you tell your guests the wedding would only last two hours?
Are you family and friends religious?
Was it a registry wedding?

DH and I had a very small wedding at very short notice. We only invited immediate family. We paid for everything including a very fancy restaurant plus hotels etc. My family bought us gifts but my DHs family didn't get us anything. I didn't mind but I was a bit suprised. They are Catholic and I wondered if it was because we had already been living together and had children. They never showed any dissaproval but I wondered if they saw the wedding as slightly less of a wedding than if it had been a church wedding etc iyswim

No YANBU. I would think you'd have many more than that. I think it's odd, and I'm sorry.

Gosh yes, YANBU.

I do try to 'pay my plate' for obligatory weddings (as I can afford to, when I couldn't parents paid and it was family / expected), but that doesn't translate to paying less for 'cheaper weddings'.

5 of 100 is really fucking odd to be honest. How many are chosen vs obligatory attendees?

I would have liked a nicer wedding I guess, but as no one except me seemed to care, this is what we got.

No one except you, the bride. OP, I feel very say for you. You make it sound as though you don't count. You do.

It seems very strange to me and I can see why you are hurt OP.

Only time I have seen anything like this happening was with a school friend who got married 3 times in 5 years (with a big wedding list each time. By the third time most of us were feeling that we didn't have much more to give Marriage 3 lasted 18mo too and I didn't go to no.4 but suspect that they got even less.

Unless you have specifically stated on invites, 'no presents' then ffs you should get a present. It's not about the cost it's about what people can afford whether it's a fiver or £50, something home made. The whole historical tradition was to set the newly married couple up in their new home with things they would need. Has etiquette and manners gone downhill so far that unless folk put exactly what they want on invites then guests assume that they don't need to get a gift
OP please have a virtual toastie maker, sunburst clock and some towels from me. Xx

How odd that neither of your parents did a gift either.

I can't imagine ANY wedding where I would feel it acceptable to turn up empty handed even tip fit was a pot luck lunch in a field.

You guys are lovely Yes it was my DH's second wedding, but if anything people were extra happy for us for that reason, because he's so much happier and he really deserved a second chance. I don't think there was anyone there who was less than delighted for us, but maybe they just assumed we didn't want a fuss. And I don't normally. It's just looking back at it, I feel like I was the only person bothering.

Yep. Second weddings, I'm sure people are happy, but well, it is what it is.

I don't think people could have assumed that we had everything we needed - we weren't living together yet, DH lived back with his parents and I had just graduated, we were busy trying to find a home for the two of us.

I don't think parents necessarily give a gift.

However I am shocked that your guests didn't bring anything. I remember having a discussion with work colleagues down sarf about how much to give as a wedding present and I was shocked how stingy they were i.e. fiver in a card from a guest with a good job and otherwise glam single life. And everyone was in agreement. Tightwads!

Now I am a Scot and we are supposed to be the tightwads but in Scotland it is really normal to get wedding gifts from all your guests and from miscellaneous other friends of family who are not even coming to the wedding. I have a few lovely vases and little photo frames from friends of family / former neighbours and other people quite removed from me and everytime I use them I feel really touched at them thinking of me. A few of people said to me: 'It's not a wedding present, it's just a wee 'minding', which I had never heard before but basically lets you know they were thinking of you. And that to me - rather than monetary value - is what wedding pressies are about.

I'm sorry you don't have that post-wedding 'hugged' feeling. I feel your guests were mean.

I think you are right to feel disappointed. No way would I go to any wedding and bring zilch. We told people not to get presents as they were travelling to ours and yet people still brought a token gift or clubbed together for something even when we specifically told them to save their cash for the ryanair flights.

YANBU, I'd never go anywhere like that without at least a token gift.

Tizwailor - nasty comments in cards? That's so unfair! I've had some unfriendly comments, but not from anyone who actually came to the wedding. They were just happy for us.

I'm mostly surprised by your parents. Or did they contribute financially to the wedding?

Oh 'a wee minding'
Fellow Scot here and I got loads of those too, and pressies from folk I hardly knew when my babies were born. Really, really touching. I have the most beautiful crocheted shawl from a pal of my SIL I barely know done by her and her daughter. I fill up every time I look at it.
OP I'm now virtually knitting you and DH a wee blanket for your marital bed just as a wee minding

Odd. Any kind of life celebration, which is hosted and you get food, you bring something, a bottle of bubbly at least, but something. I'd feel awkward accepting hospitality at such event and not give something!

We've been invited to a work colleague's evening do - there is no question in my mind re present giving, of course we'll take something... No idea what yet but we've got a few weeks. How many families did the 100 guests include?
anyway, no it's not normal to go empty handed to a wedding. Congratulations on getting married op. sorry but that's the best wedding gift I can give on here

Aw thanks!

Just read a bit more - seriously, people work out how much to give on how expensive the wedding is? Surely the less lavish the wedding the more you should give as the bride and groom may be strapped for cash?
I decide what to give on how well I know the couple eg, family, friend or colleague then decide what we want to give and can afford. Two years ago we had to travel to a wedding and pay for accommodation so our gift was less as we couldn't afford more, this year we have my colleague's wedding who is lovely and generous so I'm happy to give a generous gift. Dbil is also getting married and he and sil are lovely - again we'll be generous (as much as finances allow). So no I'm not going to be checking how much their weddings cost before choosing my gift value. Genuinely shocked people do that.

Very odd, most people take gifts even when the invite says "no gifts", even for second weddings. Seems mean!