Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

Another baby at a wedding thread.

171 replies

MetallicInk · 24/03/2015 10:07

Aibu to not want to decide what I want to do with two week (possibly one week) old baby at a wedding this winter until closer to the time. Am currently being told to get a babysitter for the reception as it's not a place for young babies (despite couples own 2 and a half month old being there) but I don't know how I'll feel about giving away my nb to someone to look after overnight so early on.

OP posts:

Agrestic · 24/03/2015 10:09

Yes. Just don't go. Simples!

AmandaTanen · 24/03/2015 10:11

You are not being unreasonable at all, I was still in hospital 10 days after the birth so you may not be up to going to a wedding let alone a baby.

pinkfrocks · 24/03/2015 10:12

I doubt you will feel up to going to a wedding yourself with a 1 week baby. you are most likely to be knackered and sleepless so I'd say now that you should RSVP that you won't be able to make it- and neither will the baby.

LadyGregory · 24/03/2015 10:12

Your feelings are understandable, but I think it's down to the B and G to dictate the terms on which they invite parents. They can't 'tell' you to get a babysitter for the reception, but they are within their rights to say that their wedding is a childfree zone, apart from their own baby - is that what they've said? Then you have the options of not attending or finding someone to look after your baby.

Only1scoop · 24/03/2015 10:14

You may not feel up to going anyway....may not even have delivered who knows.

They have made it clear it's no babies though so at least you know where you stand.

LadyGregory · 24/03/2015 10:14

Oh, hang on, the baby isnt yet born, and may be only a week old.???

Just decline now. I'm sure there is someone, somewhere who has attended a wedding having just given birth and left the baby with someone else fir a few hours, but I imagine it's pretty rare...

ChunkyPickle · 24/03/2015 10:15

YANBU to want to leave the decision.

With my first I just wouldn't have been up for the reception at all, and DS1 wouldn't have been able to cope with more than 30 mins away from me (feeding issues). With DS2 I would have been fine, and so would he (super feeder and sleeper from birth).

Different kids, different births, different recoveries - there's just no way you can know how it'll go.

StrangeGlue · 24/03/2015 10:16

Well they've said no babies so you'll have to decline which is a shame but at least everyone knows where they stand. If they're huffy about you not going they are v v unreasonable!

formerbabe · 24/03/2015 10:16

I always get a babysitter when we go to weddings but I wouldn't leave a two week old to go to a wedding. I think its far too young. You will also be recovering from the birth and I know I wouldn't have wanted to attend any social event that soon after birth.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 24/03/2015 10:17

Just decline. Baby will be less than two weeks old, and isnt welcome? Thats madness! That aside, you will probably be exhausted, in pain, and still bleeding. Sp distinctly not in the mood for a wedding.

glidingpig · 24/03/2015 10:17

Remembering the first few weeks of DD's life, I simply couldn't have handed her over to someone else and gone to a party. Not because there's something awful about using childcare for babies, but because at that early stage I was so overwhelmed, so tired and so emotional that I would have spent the entire time in floods of tears worrying about whether she was OK. As for shoving my postpartum body into a party dress and trying not to leak lochia all over the dancefloor, no fucking thanks! (Also I was breastfeeding and we were both still getting the hang of that, so expressing for someone else to bottle feed would have been major hassle.)

If the couple won't let you bring your baby, in your shoes I just wouldn't go. Way too much faff for someone who's given birth just a week or two ago. Are you and they both having your first babies?

Goldmandra · 24/03/2015 10:17

Why does our society have such an issue with accepting that mothers and newborns come as a package?

It isn't in the slightest bit reasonable to put pressure on you to hand a new baby over to a babysitter. Tell the B&G that you would love to attend with your babe in arms if the timing suits bit may have to decline at the last minute. Offer to give up your place to someone else if they're not happy with that arrangement.

Don't enter into any further discussions about it. They need to get over themselves.

Original poster

MetallicInk · 24/03/2015 10:17

Not going really isn't an option it's bil's wedding.
I've explained that I might not be feeling great so might need to sit down more etc (I'm bm, dh is best man) but I think it's bothering me because we are the only people being "recommended" to get a babysitter. Brides sister had young kids, b and g have more than one and there will be a few young cousins there too.
I don't want to start trouble but surely this is unfair

OP posts:

pinkfrocks · 24/03/2015 10:21

Is this your first baby?
TBH if you have stitches and gave birth a week before you may not be able to sit comfortably through a wedding. And then there is the issue of lochia and being near a loo for the obvious reasons.
I suppose it didn't cross their minds not to arrange a wedding within a week of their bridesmaid's due date? Or did none of you plan ahead?

glidingpig · 24/03/2015 10:21

Yes, massively unfair! There will be children and babies there but only the mum of the two week old is being told to get a babysitter??

Not going is always an option. I missed my BIL's wedding when DD was a baby. What if you go two weeks overdue and are in labour on the wedding day? What if you're still in hospital? They can blinking well cope without you if they have to.

Original poster

MetallicInk · 24/03/2015 10:21

Should also say that none of the rest of the family know we've been asked this. Mil has said she will help no problem with the baby during the day. I know it's not ideal timing but we had been ttc for some time

OP posts:

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 24/03/2015 10:21

They want your to be a BM too? Sorry but you really need to speak to them. If your baby cant come, you cant come. Simple as that. Why isnt your DH sticking up for you?

Is this your first? You may need a Csec, in which case you simply wont be able to be a bm.

Only1scoop · 24/03/2015 10:22

Not going is an option Op

There is no way I would have left dd at two weeks or less and would have had zero desire to sit at a wedding.

They have advised you to get a sitter so you know where you stand. Unfair or not as the case may be.

I'd tell them sooner rather than later so you can't be accursed of letting anyone down with their planning etc.

eggyface · 24/03/2015 10:22

they haven't got any children then? I think they are bvu. They should be grateful you might be able to make it and if it's so important to them that close family are there they should make special allowances because you're obviously important to them!

Bride's sister should be talking some sense into her if she's got young kids too, surely she remembers what she felt like just after birth?

Is it far away? Any chance you could come to the ceremony looking fabulous for a short effort, receive everyone's congratulations and go home and feed and sleep in peace? I am quite precious & pompous about newborn babies and think a 2 week old should basically be in bed with its mum most of the time tbh, getting used to the world!

MissMuesli · 24/03/2015 10:22

I absolutely wouldn't go if my 1/2 week old couldn't too, regardless of if I was bridesmaid. They are being so very unreasonable. Is this your first? I had a simple vaginal birth and was still struggling to walk properly at 1 week are you planning on breastfeeding by the way?

TheOriginalWinkly · 24/03/2015 10:22

Seriously, if the wedding is 2 weeks after your due date you could be in hospital being induced. You could still be in, recovering from a c section or bad tear. 2 weeks after my due date I had a 5 day old who wasn't feeding, hundreds of stitches from a massive tear, and was getting maybe 3 hours of sleep a day. You might be able to pop out a baby and skip merrily along but you might not.

hellsbellsmelons · 24/03/2015 10:23

Well my DD was 12 days late and I had an emergency C-Section and was in hospital for 4 days. Then it was a really hard job to walk and get about as the operation takes it toll.
You really really cannot possibly plan to be at a wedding with an unborn or very recently born baby.
It's crazy.
Is this your first child?
If it is, you have no idea what the first few weeks are like.
Please don't put this pressure on yourself.
And don't let anyone else pressure you either.
What does your DP/DH about all this?

JainaProudmoore · 24/03/2015 10:23

It does sound very unfair.
What if you were breast feeding? What would they ask you to do then? I would just say to them that you would love to come and be bm but you can't leave your new born with a babysitter.
If you wanted to go could you leave baby with your DM since all your in laws will be at the wedding?

formerbabe · 24/03/2015 10:23

I'd much rather see a newborn at a wedding lying in its mothers arms than a toddler or older child running round everywhere, knocking into tables and spilling drinks and food everywhere!

Original poster

MetallicInk · 24/03/2015 10:23

Pinkfrocks wedding was planned before we found out we were pregnant. Been ttc for a while so came as a lovely surprise. Never expected it to be a problem with b and g as they did know we were trying so there was always a chance of a very pg bm or a new baby

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7