Another baby at a wedding thread.

[MetallicInk]

Aibu to not want to decide what I want to do with two week (possibly one week) old baby at a wedding this winter until closer to the time. Am currently being told to get a babysitter for the reception as it's not a place for young babies (despite couples own 2 and a half month old being there) but I don't know how I'll feel about giving away my nb to someone to look after overnight so early on.

Wtf are "bridesmaids duties" ?

I stayed in hospital for five days after dd was born. It took that long to be able to walk with the stiches after episiotomy...

honestly, being a bridesmaid will be hell. walking down the ailse looking like a cowboy just off his horse, or slighly hunched to protect those stitches is not a good look.

you will have assymetrical boobs as they supply milk. you could be feeding baby every half hour if they are like dd. they may leak as well, especially when babies cry. or randomly for no reason other than they just do.

you will still be bleeding. probably like a v heavy period at that stage. do you want to be wrestling with a maternity pad the size of a house brick whilst in a posh frock?

sitting down may not be comfortable, bruised, stictched, and wih piles.

oh and you may be light headed from very little sleep.

you will probably need to pee every hhour as your pelvic floor will be protesting.

if you are unlucky you may still has spd and pelvic pain which makes walking uncomfortable/painful.

Christ, I'd forgotten about the giant sanitary towels. I may have blotted that bit out.

I think that being a bridesmaid is pushing it and you would not end up enjoying it due to stress of worrying about your baby plus the leaky boobs, leaking fanjo (sorry), hormones etc. plus you just won't know what size you will be (you may still be wearing maternity clothes if it is only a week after, takes time for the belly to go down) so the dress fittings could be very last minute and you may not be able to make appointments etc.
Although, I am going to go against the grain somewhat as I don't think attending for at least part of the day is out of the question if you and/or the baby haven't had complications (fingers crossed for you). It is very local, lots of family will want a hold, newborns do sleep a lot (it doesn't seem that way with your first), so you could fit some of it in. When my first baby was 6 weeks, we managed 12 noon to 7pm at a wedding and we had a great time. Luckily the B&G were totally fine about children and babies being at the wedding and told me to bring her to everything.
With my second baby, we visited the beach, a theme park and a birthday party in my/her first week and that was all fine (my mum would say it was too much but that's mums for you), but I was under no pressure. I could rest when I wanted to rest, and feed whenever I needed to and she was my second baby so I was not so overwhelmed with it all.
As the venue is very local, you could nip home for a feed or a rest if you wanted to, then pop back when you were sorted out. You would be free to call it a day once you and your baby had had enough. You wouldn't have that same freedom if you were a bridesmaid as you would be feeling the pressure of doing what the bride wanted.

Yes, not attending is an option. For me it would be the only option. Being a bridesmaid 1 week postpartum is bonkers, sorry! Your friend will understand. IMHO she would be being utterly selfish and a bit mad if she couldn't see why you have to pull out (if you do). My advice would be to enjoy your new baby and not to worry about anyone else for a while.

Fwiw I was in hospital 1 week after having dd and so was she.

Is this a bit flouncy church wedding or something smaller in a civic venue?

Neither makes that much difference but the duties of a Bmaid include:

1 Looking after the bride, ensuring her dress is ok, the train is flowing nicely as she walks up the aisle(assuming she will.)
2 Looking after smaller BMaids.
3 Holding her flowers when she is saying her vows and witnessing the signing of the register
4 being on hand to help her - ie holding her flowers if she needs to go to the loo, helping her with her dress if it needs draping etc after a loo visit.
5 Being at the top table and smiling during all the speeches.
6 Being in the photos that are for close family only.
7 Chatting with the other guests so they feel at ease.
8 Helping the bride get ready for her going-away or evening dance if a change of clothes is needed.

I am sure there must be more...

I certainly wouldn't have made it....my pjs were actually still welded to me at a week....huge ones that didn't press on section scar....

You're a brave lady for considering going....it makes me chuckle to think of being a bridesmaid at one week in....can you go without washing your hair perhaps?

Your post at 10:17 makes it all clear, OP. You are being told to geta baby sitter as you are a BRIDESMAID and I suspect the bride has plans for you....

Oh and YY to leaking boobs, walking funny and heavy bleeding from fanjo region (sorry).

Given your hormones and the brides stress at that time, I really don't think it is fair to either of you to 'decide at that time' whether you can make it.

One if my bridesmaids pulled out at the last min due to illness and I was really sad to not have her there. It was not her fault obviously but when getting married it is better to do without the extra stress if possible. Also with the hormones you might not be feeling yourself and feel compelled to attend as BM.

What is stopping you from just being a guest?

For some reason I think I only really realized that yes, I was going to have what was basically my period for several WEEKS after the birth when it actually happened. Ah, the joys of the postpartum mother.

It's a small family wedding in a local hotel. Also I am not the only bm there are three of us including her sister.

Long story as to why bm but we feel it's important that I am if I can.

We have spoke about bits I won't be able to do on the day but we have agreed that if (when) I need to leave it will be fine.

Hopefully the bride herself will see the error of her ways when she has her own baby.

2 weeks post partum, I couldn't sleep in my own bed because of the stitches.

While you are being bridesmaid and your DH best man, who is looking after the baby?

I may be wrong about this, but are the DC that the B&G already have from this relationship or are they from the groom's previous relationship? I'm asking this because I find it difficult to believe how unrealistic they are being about what having a newborn baby is actually like!

I strongly recommend that you withdraw from being a bridesmaid as leaking breast milk, bleeding heavily and wincing each time you sit down is not a good look in a fancy frock.

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP.

It's so far away, I'd just keep saying 'mmmmm right yes lovely' for the time being. Then when your baby is here just do whatever you feel capable of.

Just had a thought. How do I get this thread deleted. Might have given tmi that would be able to out me in rl

Has your own mum had any sage advice on this for you? I'd be surprised if she hadn't tbh.

I think if you were my DD I'd be saying you would stay at home and if necessary I'd miss the wedding too to look after you and the baby given your DH is going to be best man.

May I ask how old you and the bride are? And have you been party to friends' experiences of how they have felt within 2 weeks of delivering a baby?

You all seem incredibly naive about the potential discomfort you will be in, the heavy bleeding (no tampons allowed), the leaking boobs, and so on.

Maybe you are a super -calm, laid back kinda gal- but I'd say around 3% of replies here are saying you should do this.

I have to be honest and say you all sound a bit immature and not very sensible over all of this.

you can't get it deleted- and what has been said that you don't want anyone to know anyway?

Too young to leave overnight. Hope they see sense, otherwise you just can't go.

While you are being bridesmaid and your DH best man, who is looking after the baby?

Think OP said she was "being told" (wtf btw) to get a babysitter

OP, you are mad to even consider being a bridesmaid. You will not be up to it if your baby is only a few weeks old and it is just insane to think on the off chance you may be able for it. I'm currently breastfeeding and there's no way in hell I would've been able to go to a wedding, nevermind be a bridesmaid that soon after the birth. Your baby will be permanently attached to the boob.

Honestly, just pull out now. You are not gonna be able to attend anyway and although you may not believe all the posters saying pull out, when the time comes you will understand. Plus you'll be sore, exhausted and bleeding. Breastfeeding is really hard work for the first few months - you do not need unnecessary attemdance at a wedding to possibly put a halt to your ability to breastfeed (baby needs unlimited access to the boob at that age and will not understand why Mommy can't offer boob immediately because you're up on the altar / taking photos, etc).

And at the end of the day, your baby is far more important than any wedding, family wedding or not.

And to add - I think the B&G have some bloody neck to suggest you get a babysitter for a 2 week old baby as they decided you'd "need a break". Tbh at that suggestion I'd have told them to shove their stupid wedding where the sun don't shine. Fuckin idiots.

Are the B&G on glue ....